Editor’s note: We finally get to hear from the person responsible for building this website. JACQUI HERNANDEZ is one of my closest and most trusted friends. She rode with me when I went to attack ESSENCE for perpetuating racism. We both knew how lucky we were that we made it out of their building alive. JACQUI understands all the nuts and bolts stuff about computers, but she also understands that computers are tools like hammers and shovels. Some of us will use them to dig through dirt and unearth truth and some of us will use them to get our virtual bang on. Whatever is clever with JACQUI and we’re lucky whenever she stops by to help us clean up our hard drive.
Hey DP,
I know you’ve been after me for a minute to do more than enjoy the slap of usb cables ’round my ankles, so I figured I’d drop this by your way.
Check this chica out:
She’s a sassy, non-Mexican broad who manages to be both funny and sharp. I snorted with laughter at her response when I put your name on blast. And though she’s got plenty of snark to go around (type “soccer” in the search field), you still want to know what she’s wearing on her feet.
Personally, I found her most amusing when I typed “blowjob” in the search function. Homegirl informed me it was illegal in 33 states to even think such a thing BUT when I typed “cunnilingus” she reeled me in, whipped out her riding crop and with a knowing eyebrow [thwack] noted that it is in a girl’s best interest [thwack] to always be prepared. [Thwack.]
Ms. Dewey is apparently gunning for JLo, circa 2001.
Naturally, nothing this delicious comes without strings. Turns out Ms. Dewey is actually linkbait to trick poor unsuspecting geeks sitting in their parent’s basement, sipping KoolAid through a silly straw, into using Microsoft’s live search engine. It’s part of their global offensive against all things Google in the battle for dominance on the galactic stage known as The Internets. Though she covers for her corporate daddy well (try searching for “white house” or “war”), one can tell she has a clear preference for the Redmond boys in pleated khakis (you know I’m no fan of the Gates empire, but still this made me laugh).
And she’s not even virtual! Which suddenly puts everything in perspective. How advanced can Microsoft product be if it has to rely on a yet another ethnically ambiguous d-list fake lesbian to sell its search engine? I mean come on, she’s not even not real?!??!?
Most probably, Microsoft chose her because she was able to authentically tap into the whole “street vernacular” that’s popular with the kids these days. Must come from growing up near a prison. Who knew that the Hindi rap game was so hard?
In the end, I’m not hating on Ms. Dewey nee Gavankar, ethnically ambiguous though she may be. Frankly, my greatest satisfaction came from figuring out how to stump her cold.
I would tell you how, but then where’s the fun in that? After all, cada menina tem seus segredos, você sabe…
Ciao,
Harry
I’ve come acroos a few websites that are partially like that but never one that was totally incoporated like that…hate it or love it that chit is fly….1
I figured out how to stump her. I typed in ‘tossed salad’.
Give up the goods S.S
I typed in the name of my blog and I think she basically pwned me.
I saw this about a month ago.
I was surprised it came from Billy G of Microsoft.
Type in anal and she tells you about farm animals.
There was some shit I typed that made her strip.
Weird site.