Mack and the Mackabees

Say what you want to about Hebrews but give us our props for having the most kick azz holiday stretch of any of the major religions. Okay, okay, the coptic Christians that go from Christmas to Three Kings Day have two weeks of balling out, but Hanukkah is still the bomb because we get to use fire.

Our holiday is the celebration of pushing back the wigs of the Greek soldiers that were occupying the holy land. Back in those days the Greeks had a whole military industrial complex to die for (literally). They had a navy and an army and they were into shit like coming up into your living room and taking your television and your goats and the what not.

My great-great-great grandfathers were tired of the Greeks beasting out their property so they made some of the occupiers lean back. This started a whole war thing. Since the Greeks had like all the good tanks and helicopters my people would have to throw their rocks and then run into the mountains to hide out. The Greeks were hating on my folks bigtime by calling them militants, terrorists, insurgents and all kinds of other misnomers. It was a bad scene. Many Hebrews were killed and enslaved.

my peeps

The tide turned after the Greeks ran up inside the temple in Jehrusalem and started wildin’ out. The Greeks tried to make the temple a sanctuary for their homie Zeus and that is when all hell broke loose. Everyone in the ‘hood flipped out on the Greeks including all the old folks. With their rocks and sticks they pushed the Greeks back into the sea.

The temple was in shambles, but my peoples decided to make a big party out of the repairing of the house of the Lord. It took them only one quarter cycle of the moon to complete the renovations, but we have been arguing about who did the most work ever since.


  1. Amadeo says:

    That story got me a little perklempt. Talk amongst yourselves while I get myself together.

  2. LM says:

    Like buttah

  3. Candice says:

    Oy vey!

  4. G5 says:

    are you bored? everyone knows jews suck, I read an entertainment industry jew died. score1for the blacks!

  5. Eloheem Star says:

    The Original Jew is none other than the so called Black man.

    Shalom to all my Hebrew and IsRealite brothers and sisters.

  6. the_dallas says:

    ^G5, does Nah’Right know that you ride his dick?

    Whoever still subscribes to Black and white is a fossil and they need to be killed. Some people buy into that because they receive advantages from it.

    Black is the name for the hue that is visible when NO color is present
    White is the name for the hue that is visible when ALL colors can be seen

    So scientifically speaking, the so called Black man, the so called negro, the so called colored man should actually be called White.

    The One with Many Names and the One with No Name told the Jew that if he kepf fucking around and breaking the covenant he would be transported to a land that he did not know to work for people that he had not met and to be called a name that he was not. Being here in America isn’t an accident, but the fulfillement of the word of God.

    I don’t have the time to bring you to God tonite since it’s technically the Shabbas and I should be chilling with lady, but come through on a weekday and I will spend some time with you. Never any Ted Haggard.

    Shabbat Shalom

  7. nomamesbuey says:

    dallas, your take on history & current events is the illest combination of political incorrectness in a good way, insight, and gullyness. Quite greater!

    Keep on keeping on my brotha (no Tom Breihan)!

  8. Vik says:


    eff prentice-hall. eff mcgraw-hill. eff the media.

    this is history.

  9. Jeff says:

    nice…this warms the cockles (no Mello) of my cold heart…even though I don’t fucking roll on shomer shabbas, I commend this post…

  10. Re-up says:

    Jews aint shit.

  11. The Intern says:

    What is up with this shit Re-up and G5? The Intern is a Jew and works for this site for free like the Jews did for the Egyptians and you people still don’t appreciate our work! I’m going to call my brother Elders and make sure you never work again cause you know we can do that, running the banks and the media as we do (even if they never invite me to those meetings where that shit apparently gets decided!). Shalom!

  12. the_dallas says:

    ^No Intern, you work for this site for free like the Jewish people worked for the German Jews for free because I am a taskmaster like that. And where are your letters to Lil’ Kim or Foxy or Eve. Get to work bitch!

  13. Jaislayer says:

    Nice drop, Dallas.

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