harpers cover 1887

Editor’s note: Harper’s Weekly magazine might be one of the most important periodicals published in these here United States. Don’t be fooled when some outlets regard it as liberal muckraking trash. The only thing that I find liberating is the honesty that they bring to the pillars or privilege. It’s definitely not good reading material for people who can’t handle the truth. I thought that a weekly feature on this site should include the magazine that I get some of my news from. Let me know what you think…


Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki called initial stages of the new security crackdown in Baghdad a “dazzling success.” Later, six explosions in three markets killed 127 people, and suspected insurgents shot six people in the head in a public garden. American forces, targeting Taliban fighters, launched artillery rounds into Pakistan. President George W. Bush expressed “certainty” that the Iranian government has been supplying Iraqi insurgents with weapons and extended the deployment of 3,200 soldiers so close to the end of their tour that their uniforms and supplies had already been packed for shipment. Bush suggested that he was not particularly interested in Congressional deliberations over the proposed troop surge. “In terms of watching the debate, I’ve got a lot to do,” he said. “It’s not as if the world stops when the Congress does.” Former CIA Director George Tenet was working on a memoir, and defense attorneys for I. Lewis Libby Jr. declared that neither Libby nor Vice President Dick Cheney would take the stand. The trial for the 2004 Madrid bombings began; 18 suspects watched the proceedings from a bulletproof glass chamber. The Navy announced that specially trained dolphins and sea lions may patrol a military base in Washington State that is vulnerable to attack by swimmers and scuba divers; the sea lions are trained to clamp cuffs around swimmers’ legs so that the swimmers can be reeled in. A Japanese dolphin was fitted with an artificial tail.

A former dentist named Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov, a close ally of deceased autocrat Saparmurat Niyazov, took office as Turkmenistan’s new president, and in Guinea, President Lansana Conte declared martial law in response to violent street protests calling for his resignation. A gunman in Salt Lake City went on a shooting rampage in the Trolley Square mall, killing five before he was shot dead by police. A United Nations expert panel announced a 50
percent likelihood that widespread ice sheet loss was inevitable and could elevate sea levels by up to 19 feet in the next several hundred years
. Richard Branson offered a $25 million prize to anyone who can remove a billion tons of carbon dioxide per year from the atmosphere. Evidence from new photographs of Mars suggested subterranean streams capable of hosting simple forms of life. An airline pilot from Minnesota won two $25,000 lottery jackpots over two consecutive days, while the winning ticket of a $3.5 million Connecticut Classic Lotto jackpot expired without the winner stepping forward. Bank of America was offering a new credit card aimed at illegal immigrants. Chinese authorities sentenced businessman Wang Zhendong to death for his role in duping 10,000 investors out of $390 million in a giant ant-farming scam, and a salmonella outbreak in 39 states was traced to contaminated peanut butter.

A Pittsburgh woman pleaded guilty to attempted homicide, assault, and kidnapping for trying to cut a fetus out of her neighbor’s womb
. In central India, police launched an investigation after discovering a plastic bag stuffed with the skeletal remains of at least six newborns on the grounds of a Christian missionary hospital, and the Indian government described plans for a countrywide network of cradles where parents can abandon unwanted baby girls. A couple in Ohio were sentenced to two years in prison for forcing their adopted, special-needs children to sleep in cages. After studying 21 industrialized nations, the U.N. concluded that Dutch children were the most happy, and British and American children the least. A Florida production of “The Vagina Monologues” changed its name to “The Hoohaa Monologues” after a woman claimed the title was offensive, and a book called *The Higher Power of Lucky,* the winner of this year’s Newbery Medal, was reportedly banned from several school libraries because it includes the word “scrotum.” New Mexico placed 500 talking urinal-deodorizer cakes in public bathrooms. Former NBA all-star Tim Hardaway told a radio program, “I hate gay people,” and Nigeria’s House of Representatives introduced a new bill that would criminalize homosexual relations. Actor Ralph Fiennes admitted to having sex in an aircraft bathroom with a stewardess, whom his spokeswoman called a “sexual aggressor,” and an Irvine, California, police officer was found not guilty of charges that he ejaculated on a female motorist during an early-morning traffic stop. “She got what she wanted,” explained the officer’s lawyer. “She’s an overtly sexual person.” Harvard University named historian Drew Gilpin Faust as its first female president. Britney Spears shaved her head.

– Gemma Sieff

8 Responses to “HARPER’s WEEKLY REVIEW”

  1. FaTBoY says:

    News ripped from the headlines……… Just jumbled together, with each sentence correlating with the previous one. *Genius*

  2. elincreiblepablo says:

    been reading it for years and its one of my week’s interweb highlights. you just gotta love the last phrases on these pieces of media genius

  3. Nigeria says:

    I’m sure you guys have heard about the Italian judiciary attempting to extradite twenty six CIA agents over the secret abduction of an Egyptian national.


    Actions like these are so horridly vulgar and leaves the stamp of hypocrisy whenever a leading Western nation lectures others on the importance of democracy and human rights.

  4. Drunk Unc 40 says:

    Interesting… Now thats condensed and concise news.

  5. P-Matik says:

    The Richard Branson challenge is tight. That’s the only way you can get humps to innovate on that level is to wave loot in they faces.

  6. Candice says:

    Hell of a week. The cop ejaculated on a woman he stopped to give a ticket to and his defense is saying “She got what she wanted?”

    So he stopped her to give her a ticket and that’s what she wanted? WOW

  7. sasha says:

    mental note: start checking this out regularly. i learn so much from these enternets!!!!

  8. dan says:

    harper’s weekly = original blahg/factoid aggregator.

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