There’s a whole lotta negative shit I could say about KEVIN POWELL (cues ERNIE…), but I won’t and I hope that ERNIE bites his tongue on this one too. Every year for last several years KEVIN POWELL has used his vast Rolodex of female friends to organize what might be the sexiest African American event of the year. Regular chick sexy, as well as exclusive chick sexy.
The event is themed around the donation of used, but clean winter clothing. You donate a jacket or a sweater and your ass gets in for free. This party brings out a shitload of Black females. You know the sisters got wild shit they need to get from out of their closets (no ALICIA KEYS). Afterwards, everybody feels good inside because they did something for charity and they got rid of that silly ass baglady coat that they know they were never going wear again.
Here’s the rub… There will be TOO many beautiful ladies at this shit. Not just ‘meh’ pretty chicks, but drop dead dimepieces. The KEVIN POWELL party is always on some 10 woman to 1 man ratio shit. Keep in mind that I am two steps from being married so I can’t even take a business card from this joint or my ass is grass. I need some fellas to help me hobnob with all of these ladies though. KEVIN POWELL can’t fuck all of them, although he might just try it. You know he’s gonna beat a few down too. All I’m saying is that there’s room for some of you fellas to get in where you fit in. The only thing is I only want to hang out with white dudes at the party[ll].
Pipe down negroes. My thinking is that it’s definitely time to get that ‘Something New’ popping off in some of these ladies lives, except this won’t be on that gimmicky bullshit. This will be on some real live black and white cookie love. Who doesn’t like the black and white cookie. I feel like the time is right for so-called white that is attracted to the so-called Black to finally introduce themselves. It’s time to regain the ground that you had acquired in the emotional heartland of the sisters before MICHAEL RICHARDS and IMUS sent you back into the Jim Crow coffee shop. If you want someone to break the ice, let me facilitate the connection. Allow me to vett the Black girls on your behalf so that you don’t end up with a sister with too many issues in her bag.
My advice to any white dude looking to crossover to Mother Africa is first, stay away from grey-green eyed Black chicks that wear kente clothing. You don’t want any part of that mess. Avoid a Black woman who over accessorizes, or wears heels that are over three inches high. They have a different set of issues, but issues nonetheless. The Black girl you want wears sensible shoes and is the color of a caramel macchiato with a little bit of fat on the back of her arms. Not so much that you can’t see her elbow, but just enough to squeeze the juice out of her.
White dudes! Seriously. Get at me[ll]. I’ll make sure that you get to meet a nice, eligible, childless, open-minded Black girl with a nice round booty.
BONUS REMIX: BILLY SUNDAY’s Guide To Black Women’s Hair…
ERNIE,
Before you start talking your shit about KEVIN… Look at all of these people that went into making this Friday’s event such a success. Shit on KEVIN POWELL on another drop. This weekend I will run your story on CLIVE.
KEVIN POWELL’s Holiday Party and Clothng Drive
Friday December 7th, 2007
TriBeCa Cinemas
54 Varick Street @ Canal Street
10pm-4am
**FREE admission with the donation of clean, new/used outerwear**
Schedule that shit for the 2nd week in January and you know I’m there. The boroughs and their ladies are not ready for the blonde/blue eyed/j00 invasion I’m bringing with.
I’ll send you my Yankees skullie as a donation.
I don’t eff wiff Kev that much either, but I gotta co-sign on dude’s pimp game, which is always on lock. Every time I run into cat in some B.K. coffee shop, he ALWAYS wiff a new purty yung thang.
How’d my name get up in this piece. Here is what I think of Kevin, his run for Congress, his “male seminars”, his “well paid gender issues lectures” etc,:
dshlkjopjioruhjw m,w mvc .fgml;fklfdklsfdnklsfdjksdjkjnsfdiowreiowre[opwreklmfjiop vcionz mxvc
m,sfdjksfdujiwreuiwreuisfdmn sfdjsfdjksfd sfdjksfd msfdjkadjujdds m,
jmnsfdjksfdut nsdbhjasd asdujsda asd asdjdsjbksd sdjkasdjkasd asdjkasdjkasd uirenfgiodmnsfdionsfdifsd nkih
fuiouiotrnjklytnlty. And you can quote me on that (PS that is written in Lakota beyattches) if you can get a code talker. Ernie
ay and what about the asian dudes though? ha.
Asian dudes?!?
Definitely a good look and easier to smash some Black action. Black chicks don’t consider pan-Asian folks to be white so you won’t really be suspected of fetishizing like most white get accused of.
Funny story, true story is that even Black dudes fetishize and exoticize(sp) Black women. As noted for my love of grey-green eyed tragic mulattos.
i’m also prepared to offer, on behalf of the asian brothers, the guarantees that
(1) we won’t introduce crack to urban communities,
(2) we will sell you goods requisite for day-to-day living without the proven issues of said day-to-day reliance on whitey, and
(3) we won’t actively disenfranchise you while your back’s turned.
(1) gets me to thinking too… CRACK is wack? Whitey fought a damn WAR to keep the Chinaman doped up while they took hong kong from out under us for damn near a whole century… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium_War
On behalf of the colored peoples collective we accept your offer with this caveat…
Pork fried rice and chicken wing dinners must contain six(6) wings
five (5) and free duck sauce… you know that orange ish is what’s really hood.
dallas-grand master et al, you are sick fucks and thanks for making me smile.
And what better way to draw young guys to you than to have a good looking beard on your arm?
Love to you all. Ernie
I’ve already got a beard since I’m Hebrew. What I need now is an army.
Did someone say army?
*grabs slingshot and handful of rocks*
*puts kaffiyeh on*
*cue arab banshee scream*
IT’S ON.
Hebrew-Beard?
Alicia Keyes-Beard?
Beard-a slang term used in the Gay and Lesbian community to define either a male or female prop to convince others that one is hetero.
Damn Ernie, why you gotta put the dude on blast though?
what’s wrong with kevin powell ? (pardon my ignorance)…
It’s all written and detailed above in my post, sorry MF it’s in Lakota. English is the Honky language of the colonizer. ldsoowe hftryekitutaa hg kloiu swtyieqktta. Yes there were human beings, language, culture, art, religion, medecine, science and life before the Euros came here lusting for gold and selling religion. And Twerkolator, if you don’t know you better ask somebody, sorry.
But a smiling shit talking Black face does not provide the total math for leadership. Ernie
“The Black girl you want wears sensible shoes and is the color of a caramel macchiato with a little bit of fat on the back of her arms. Not so much that you can’t see her elbow, but just enough to squeeze the juice out of her.”
Lines like this is the reason I visit this site. I heart dp.com.
But please believe us chocolate sistas will be in the house!
^ Don’t sleep, chocolate sistas all day everyday.
It’s just that I can’t hook my white up with y’all straight out the gate.
I got to start them off with cherries first before we go in hard to the pomegranate.