It’s been a day full of sports related posts because… well, because it’s my blog bitches! Nahh, but seriously, I can’t talk about Iraq all the time and I see so many of our most sacred social underpinnings inside the world of sports. Our most cherished stereotypes reside within the games people play. Race, class, ethnicity all come to the front when we are rooting for the home team, but not all sports are about team play. Some competition is individually intense. Tennis is one sport that comes to mind, and speaking of coming to mind, there is masturbation. I think that should be a sport, especially if you do it more than twice a day. If you do it in the stalls at your office bathroom or in a mall restroom then I think you are one of the vanguards pushing it forward. I think masturbation would be a great event for the Winter Olympics. If it went to the Summer games then you know jigs would be the only ones to medal (Jamaicans winning gold). Slightly less entertaining than tennis and way less entertaining than Onanism would be golf.
There has been a reported interest in this sport ever since ELDRICK WOODS became a ballyhooed professional golfer. It hasn’t made me much more interested in watching it than say watching cars drive in a circle for five hours. I did attend the U.S. Open at Bethpage and the Open a few years prior at Shinnecock (no b.b.), but to be honest there was nothing much to see. ELDRICK is given credit for bringing new faces into the game, but the only new faces that I can think of are women golfers and my homey JIMMY CHAN (pic above). JIMMY’s not a professional, he just likes wearing the knickers. The best new woman golfer is Asian also just like ELDRICK. Her name is MICHELLE WIE and she is only like 11yrs old, but she has man size hands and a hermaphrodite penis so they let her play against the men. She kicks azz too.
Asians are great at golf because it requires you to do complex mathematical calculations in order for you to keep score. That’s why you don’t see any Blacks playing golf. You actually have to graduate from high school and go to college in order for you to join the P.G.A. and the country clubs across America have strict rules about only letting people play that have graduate degrees. Pretty soon golf will be only dominated by Asians with Information Technology Masters degrees. You should blame ELDRICK. He’s ‘cablanasian’.
