NICOLE RITCHIE = Gangsta Bitch

mugshot nicki

America! Don’t be fooled by this tragic mulatto debutante and her cotillion curls. NICOLE RICHIE is a cold-blooded killer.

I think I may have solved the murder of ISRAEL RAMIREZ. Bear with me for a sec internets fam…

CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE loves to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent, but that show pisses me off because they are always solving crimes in under an hour. It’s been how many years since TUPAC and B.I.G. were killed and nobody has even been indicted. Those fucks from Law & Order would have solved this shit by now along with the JONBENET case.


So while she watched the tube I fucked(no brokeback) around on the internets. I wanted to see what the jigs were up to so I started with the CRUNK & Disorderly website. C & D is cute and it’s easy to navigate because there aren’t too many bells and whistles. Not like her sister friend’s site BEAUTIFUL HUSTLE, which is visually stunning, but busy as all get out. So anyhoo, I linked from C & D to another website showcasing the jig madness, called CONCRETE LOOP. The post that comes up is the one detailing BUSTA RHYMES post-op haircut interview at an L.A. radio station.


In the interview BUSTA had some slick sideways shit to say about PIDDY, which lead the Hip-Hop cops to shadow SEAN just in case they could put another gun charge on the kid. But I found BUSTA’s remark about “LIONEL RICHIE’s daughter” to be the real clue. Why couldn’t BUSTA come out and say her name? Was it LIONEL RICHIE who orchestrated the hook-up? Here was the real mystery…


Editor’s note: Whenever you see the above phrase; dun-dun, it is your cue to imagine the endscene sound effect from Law & Order

So why would LIONEL RICHIE set up his daughter with BUSTA? Keep in mind that NICOLE is adopted so LIONEL RICHIE could technically enjoy that young poon himself, a la WOODROW.

wood yi

I think your boy LIONEL RICHIE is a capo, and he is connected to the Care Free Curls Mafia.

capo status

LIONEL RICHIE had been trying to recruit BUSTA prior to him cutting his locks. NICOLE RICHIE was like an offering to BUSTA because his hair had grown so long. If LIONEL RICHIE could convince BUSTA to join him in the CFCM can you imagine what a boon to the hair care industry that might have been, let alone the SoftSheen-Carson bottom line? But then BUSTA double-crossed them and cut off his hair. LIONEL RICHIE did the only thing that you can do when someone backs out on their word. He sent in his goons.


Well actually, he sent his wild whoreish daughter who wasn’t much of a good shot to begin with. She disguised herself as a homeless derelict, which everyone assumed to be TONY YAYO since he is like 50yrs. old and has been seen digging through garbage cans.


She tried to gain access onto the video production set. This was a good idea since there were reportedly five entertainers and almost 500 umbrella holders on the set. Everybody knows that crapper entourages love hitting up the free sody pop at the craft services tent. When security denied NICOLE RICHIE, disguised as a homeless person, possibly TONY YAYO, entry onto the set she flipped out and started blasting.


richie and rocket man

I don’t blame BUSTA for being shook neither. The thing about the CFCM is that they are in the highest positions in the entertainment world. When MICHAEL JACKSON tried to get out of the CFCM by relaxing his hair you see how quickly they brought him down. Word on the street is that the Care Free Curls Mafia already has their sights set on another rapper.

dusty jim

This episode also gave me a clearer perspective on how the big homie LIONEL RICHIE stacks all that paper.

Activator residuals biatch!

love my curl

9 Responses to “NICOLE RITCHIE = Gangsta Bitch”

  1. Tony says:

    Busta’s haircut: Worst decision in hip-hop since Tupac signed with Death Row.

    And, in the end, Lionel Richie controls us all. At the strangest times I find myself humming the tune from “Hello” for no reason whatsoever. Mind control through Activator and syrupy sweet ballads. This is how “they” win, this is why Charlie don’t surf.

    At least the Romans guaranteed “Bread & Games” whereas we are all free to die if we don’t have insurance and have our brains dried up by the filth broadcast over the people’s airwaves . . .

    Excuse me now, I’m gonna go find a copy of “Holla if you hear me” to cheer myself up.

  2. jimmy says:



  3. Nigeria says:

    ‘ And, in the end, Lionel Richie controls us all. At the strangest times I find myself humming the tune from “Hello” for no reason whatsoever ‘

    lol that brought back some memories

  4. reninatronix says:

    Dude you are crazy.

    But it is certainly plausible. LR got hella juice . He is the GREATEST SELLING songwriter of all times. Belee dat.

  5. Supa says:

    this is hyperventalitin’ funny


    Care Free Curls Mafia

    Nicole in Tony Yayo disguise

    ya killin ‘me. stop it.

  6. Miss Ahmad says:

    I don’t care what the word on the street is…Dallas Penn is the gulliest. By Far!

  7. Shonquayshah says:

    eeeeeeeeeeeew UH UHN!

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