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Editor’s note: The Ambassador takes some time away from her semester’s finals to tell us how she really feels about social inter-network websites.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the internet has revolutionized life as we know it. I’m bustin’ my ass over here trying to bang out research papers because it’s finals time, and I realized that without the internet I’d be about as lost and doomed as a blind lemming. The internet is good.

But fuck a “social networking” site.

I don’t say this for the typical reasons such as the fact that they’re breeding grounds for child molesters and sex predators, odd stalker-type hermits, aspiring amateur porn stars, and musicians who will never make it out of their mothers’ basements. I say this because these sites can very easily fuck up a relationship.

I used to have a myspace. Hell, I used to have a Facebook account too. Two at once! I was bold. I logged in damn near every day.

I was a dumbass.

I have never come across a more drama-causing side effect of technology in my 19 years of life than the phenomenon known as the social networking website. Let’s focus on myspace this time around. People would hit me up complaining that they weren’t in my “top 8”. Like that shit really matters in life, right? Then you get your so called “friends” that hit you up every month or so saying, “Hey bitch, I haven’t seen you in so long! How you been? Call me, let’s chill sometime!” …Except you know that it’s never going to go down, and another month will pass and you won’t ever see them. Unless their car breaks down, or they need $20 to help pay their electric bill. Then they’ll come around.

But all that shit is just a chip off the melting icebergs up in the Arctic Circle that will eventually (supposedly) cause hell on Earth (once again, another post for another day). The absolute worst time to have a myspace account is when you’re in a serious romantic relationship. If you’re extremely lucky and find yourself in a relationship with zero trust issues whatsoever, you may end up OK. But the second you make even the slightest fuck-up in a relationship, your myspace page may prove to be your worst enemy.

Think about it – your significant other can hit up your page and see damn near everybody you talk to. All your ex’s that you have as friends, that girl you met at the club and worked the walls for a night only for her to e-stalk you ever since, your family (sisters, cousins, whoever), your close friends… that really has the potential to end badly. On top of that, the most random of people are known to leave some stupid ass comments on the regular. You don’t even want to know how many comments I’d get from guys I hadn’t talked to in years on my page going “Hey sexy, how’s that fine ass doing? Call me, we can chill at my place and give the neighbors something to listen to…”. Oh yeah, if your (wo)man sees that right after you have a fight? They’re going to start wondering. Jealousy ain’t a good look, but damn if it ain’t a common occurrence.

You could always set your page to one of those private joints so then only your friends can see it (which will only work if your other half doesn’t have an account), but then that just makes you look like you have something to hide. Guilt ain’t really a good look either.

And don’t even get me started on the psychotic-type (wo)men in the world who will try to be slick and start up fake accounts and hit you up under some fine-looking alias, pulling shit like hitting on you and asking to meet up or offering you some ass just to see what you’d do or say. Fam, mind games are *not *cool. One wrong move and you’re done. And real talk, if you have
someone in your life trying to pull that kind of stunt on you, you should be seriously debating getting away from them anyway. Not a good situation at all, plus it has the potential to lead to…

…the craptastic ex who resembles the gossiping spawn of Satan. You know, the one who can’t keep their mouth shut, and posts all your business on myspace after you break up. That…well, that doesn’t need much explanation. Ouch. Even a fat blunt filled with that presidential weed that Obama was smoking back in the day wouldn’t help the kind of headache you’ll get when you realize that the whole world is going to know about every embarrassing moment you experienced while in that relationship.

Let’s face it – back when the only simple means of communication was a telephone (and a non-cellular one at that), and the easy access to one night stand material via the internet didn’t exist, I bet relationships were a lot easier to handle. Not saying they were simple back then, but surely the internet has drastically altered the dynamics of romance.

And since winter break is coming for all of you college students, here’s something to do when you’re bored and snowed in: hop on myspace and search out your old high school. Peep out what some of the people who you used to know or see around the way are up to. I guarantee you’ll get some laughs. It’s amazing what information people throw out to the world. Hell, one of my very good friends from back in the day is a stripper now. Fellas, if you see her in the club, slip a few extra dollar bills in that g-string for me. She was cool peoples.

	The Ambassador says… “DP Dot Com IS the social network!”