Archive for November, 2007

R.I.P. To An iNternets Celebrity…

Friday, November 30th, 2007

zoey zane

Zoey Zane, we barely knew ye.
You lost it all to bare your soul.
Cop the new issue of Barely 18.

The chick above is named EMILY SANDER. She was a small town girl from the Texarkana badlands who thought she could use the internets to skyrocket herself to fame and a better life than working at the truck stop slinging sunnyside up eggs. It was an honest dream. I don’t think any chick gets into pr0n because she wants to be strung out on horse or gutted like a holiday hog.

Most chicks come into pr0n real honest like. They love dicks like I love sneakers. Maybe a little more, but I make no judgement on people who pursue their passion. Unfortunately for EMILY, someone made a judgement on her that said she didn’t deserve love or respect. The one thing I can tell you from my personal experience with a pr0n goddess is that all they ever want is to be treated with respect. And prah’lee some dick too, but some motherfucking respect first.

When EMILY confided in her boyfriend and told him that she would be doing dick pushups as a career, ol’ boy broke north like Oliver. I can’t say that I blame him although if she was making some wild bank I might have considered sticking around. I’m like most men in that I don’t care what my lady does to make her half of the rent as long as she doesn’t burn the lamb chops. In this case however, I don’t think that EMILY met her demise from the jealous ex-beau. The police have reported that Ms. SANDER was seen leaving a local watering hole with some Mexican dude. Didn’t I tell y’all that Anton Chigurh was hardbody as fuck.

The biggest problem with pr0n snuff films is that the really, really good ones only have one take. So now the world is short one iNternets Celebrity, and one sexy redhead. This sucks for me on so many levels because I love myself some redheaded snatch and Spider-Man 4 could have used a pretty Mary Jane for once.

EMILY SANDER a/k/a Zoey Zane Photo Album – *NSFW must be 18y.o.

zoey zane

Better Basketball = Extra Schmedium Shorts

Friday, November 30th, 2007


Editor’s note: Coach BILLY SUNDAY comes off the bench at the thinking man’s basketball blog, FreeDarko dot com

FreeDarko Nation! What it do party people? Right now I feel like KanYe West after he won all those Emmys. I can’t believe I’m talking to the F.D. famlay. I was a little shook at first to come in over here because y’all cats are mad polysyllabic with your shit, but your boy said that I should just get in where I fit in. Hopefully there’s someone on this side to translate retahd-speak.

The 2007-2008 campaign for the Association is well underway and just like we all imagined they’d be, Boston is a beast. LeBron and the Cavletics might be able to serve up some comp if that dude Jesus Shuttlesworth can keep choking with under a minute left to play. The West is still the best. I was quietly hoping that Houston would step up something serious so that maybe we could have a repeat of one of the classic Finals’ matchups.

The Rockets and the Celtics butted heads[ll] twice for ‘Chips and both times Boston prevailed on the back of Larry Bird. The Celtics superstar forward for this tilt would be the wunderkind Kevin Garnett, while the Rockets foreign exchange center is from Africa by way of China, Ming Yao. The marketing is already in place so it makes the regular season kind of a waste of time. Sort of like the first forty-six minutes of most b-ball games.

rockets celts

The league can work all of its magic to engineer this matchup, but the one element that would have made this series an instant classic has been stashed away in the NBA’s closet of shame. Cocaine, you said? No, but you were close. Tightpants would be the correct answer. In the last twenty plus years since the decline of tightpants the Association itself has been foundering. The beauty of the game is now interminably lost as the players run up and down the court in Capri shorts, or are they coolots. Assists on an overall basis have been declining steadily as well as field goal percentages. Three point field goals made are up from the 1980’s numbers, but how hard is it to shoot a three pointer wearing board shorts?

Show me a professional sport, that is enjoyable, where the entire uniform can be worn as street clothing? I rue the day that Michael Jordan came into the league and altered the minimum length of the player’s shorts. This was the death knell for great basketball play. Baggy pants ruin everything they touch. Zoot suits turned gangsters into comedians. M.C. Hammer ruined rap music. Capri pants killed the NBA. Do you think Elgin Baylor would have been the Rookie of the Year if he didn’t wear tightpants? How the hell do you think Magic Johnson got his nickname? Pause[ll] to that last sentence.

Tightpants are what made an average player like Dennis Rodman into a Hall of Fame caliber player. To bad for Dennis that he was fucking crazy. Don’t blame the tightpants though. John Stockton, arguably the greatest point guard of all time wore tightpants well into the new millennium and for no other reason were the Utah Jazz still a competitive force. Let’s face it party people… Cocaine and tightpants made the Association what it is today. Provided that you don’t overdose on the former, and you don’t elongate the latter you might still have the greatest show on Earth. Word to Oscar Robertson.

big o


Thursday, November 29th, 2007


First things first, let me get my thank you’s in order…

  • Shouts to Nike who e-mailed me the invite to their holiday party.
  • Shouts to my peoples at ThinkTank Marketing just because they my peoples.
  • Shouts to my homey SEAN WILLIAMS, CHAD and the sneakerheads over at Obsessive Sneaker Disorder.
  • True story, funny story about the sneakers pictured below. I bought these Dunks tonight because they are part of the Nike charity collection where the proceeds go to the DOERNBECHER Children’s Hospital of Portland(OR). You know I’m for the children so any move for a children’s charity is a good feel for me. I was especially amped to copp these because the card says that they were designed by RICKY RUDD. Well shiver my timbers! RICKY RUDD is the official DP Dot Com Nascar driver(as soon as DP Dot Com starts following Nascar).

    Funny story is the RICKY RUDD in question is not the racecar driver but some retahd kid in the hospital getting chemotherapy for some shit.

    doernbecher dunks

    Next week Thursday 12/06 at NIKETOWN NYC there will be a free holiday party. The booze and beverages are free. The sneakers… Not so much. But if you NEVER go to a NIKETOWN retail installation why not go in and get yourself a free pomegranate vodka cocktail.

    F.Y.I. You can go to this in-store event in whatever city has a NIKETOWN store
    11/29 – Atlanta, Phipps Plaza
    11/29 – Boston
    11/29 – Chicago
    11/29 – Los Angeles
    11/29 – Palm Beach
    11/29 – San Francisco
    11/30 – Beverly Hills
    12/2 – Santa Clara
    12/5 – Denver
    12/6 – Eugene

    Just submit your RSVP here.

    Afterwards come with me downtown to PIANO’s on Ludlow Street for the Stand Up! rap music showcase with DONNY GOINES, HIRED GUN, CAUSE, NY OIL and SEAN PRICE.

    Cowpokes vs. The Pack 2Nite!

    Thursday, November 29th, 2007


    A quick reminder… Get your picks in for the DP Dot Com Football Pool.


    Wednesday, November 28th, 2007


    All my ‘Yay peoples stand the eff up!

    KeiStar Productions brings their Winder-Full movement to San Francisco for one night only.

    Saturday 12.08.07
    119 Utah St, San Francisco

    More info here