Archive for September, 2005

TUPAC is Way Tu Busy

Friday, September 30th, 2005

still writin' after all these years

Does anyone notice that DEAD TUPAC has produced fifty times the amount of work that LIVE TUPAC did?!? And just when you thought that TUPAC was really, really dead, he takes a page out of 50 CENT’s playbook and writes a movie.

If TUPAC doesn’t slow down he is going to work himself to death.


Friday, September 30th, 2005


Our in the field correspondent, THE INTERN, submits this posting…

You know a place is a chick magnet if you see broads there no matter what time of the day it is. It really doesn’t matter where that place might be. The mall is always a good place, but it can get pretentious if you don’t have the right shopping bag in your hand. Supermarkets are always a sure shot bet, but don’t go there unless you want to date a fat chick with a kid. Hot broads don’t have kids, and hot broads can’t cook for shit.

If you want to bag up a shorty that you can fuck within the week, if not the same night, then you need to go where I go: Walgreens. The store is open 24 hours a day and trust me, one day you will be happy some place is open at 3a.m. where you can cop a tube of AstroGlide, a box of Dutch Masters and the most recent issue of ‘O’.

I usually find the hottest chicks in either the shampoo/lotions aisle or in the magazine section. You can approach them in either of these spaces and dissarm them with the following technique…

Pick up the most expensive shampoo and then walk next to the chick and be like, “When can I give brownskin BeYONCE a wash and set?” I always chuckle afterwards just to let her know that I was playing because I don’t really want to put my hands in her nappy head weave.

I would also advise against approaching a chick that is in the makeup aisle because she will think you are po-po. More than half of the ladies that go to the makeup aisle are shoplifters, so just wait until she moves from there before putting your mack move on her.

My last bit of advice would be to make sure that you buy your stuff at a seperate register because broke azz chicks will want you to buy them something.

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Assholes

Friday, September 30th, 2005

My Uncle Tom met Bill Bennett

The truth about WILLIAM BENNETT’s remarks is that they are accurate. He has cleverly couched his comments by referring to one of my favorite books as his source material. FREAKONOMICS is a very detailed and compelling read that I would recommend to anyone who wants to blow a few hours learning about the years of research that go into these types of social studies.

So while it is true that if we aborted all Black babies there would be a reduction in the crime rate, the decline would be nowhere near the number reduction we’d see if we aborted white babies. Just look at the sheer numbers across the country. We would be removing the babies of nearly 65% of the American population. Crystal Meth production would completely disappear; OxyContin sales would drop off by more than 90%; and the welfare rolls (act like you know!) would shrink to a manageable size. And yet, despite all the pros for aborting white babies, think about the things that we’d be missing out on:

1) NO MORE HIPSTERS! How many times have you seen these skinny bohemians walking their dogs and smoking Marlboro Lights in a downtrodden neighborhood?

2) NO MORE MTV! Without white babies to grow up weened on the cultural hustling of the Music Television Network, MTV will become a Spanish-speaking channel with marathon re-runs of Sabado Gigante.

3) NO MORE CRATE & BARREL STORES! No more white babies means no more customers for the overpriced and underwhelming home outlet. You don’t honestly think that Black babies are going to grow up and want to spend $500 on a coffee making machine, do you?

Nahh, the Black babies would steal it first.

HOMO THUGS Are Runnin’ This Rap Shit

Friday, September 30th, 2005

'h' thug love

KANYE WEST’s ‘Late Registration’, a/k/a ‘GEORGE BUSH doesn’t care about Black people,’ which entered the charts at No. 1 last week after selling 860,000 copies in its first week in stores, continues to top the charts even though second-week sales slipped to 283,000, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

Boosted by a new deluxe version, 50 CENT’s ‘The Massacre’ captured the second spot on the chart with sales last week of 154,000 copies. The original edition of ‘The Massacre’ entered the chart at No. 1 in March, thanks to blockbuster first-week sales of 1.1 million.

The album, which fell to No. 35 last week, rebounded thanks to new content that includes videos for all the album’s songs. With last week’s spurt (which reflects sales of both versions of the album), ‘The Massacre’ has now sold 4.5 million copies, which makes it the biggest-selling new release of the year by far.

And just when you thought that former drug dealer and stick-up kid 50 CENT would take his hand out of your pocket, here comes (no homo) his feature length film project.


Thursday, September 29th, 2005

CHRIS and the T.I.'s

Comdian CHRIS ROCK has slammed DAVE CHAPPELLE in the press as being amatuerish for dismantling his show halfway through production of the third season. CHRIS is feeling himself right now due to the critical acclaim of his new show, ‘Everybody Hates Chris’.

If this were rap music, someone would get shot in a couple of days after the war of words had escalated to critical mass.

I am a little disappointed with CHRIS ROCK for being so publicly critical of DAVE CHAPPELLE. Didn’t CHRIS ROCK cancel production of his television show right before the season’s first taping? Wasn’t WANDA SYKES one of the many writers who quit the CHRIS ROCK show? Let me find out that CHRIS got a little bitch in him. I can’t say that I am surprised at CHRIS though. Homeboy has been in bed with the OWM for a hot minute now, so whomever he holds the umbrella for must have told him to berate DAVE.

This situation reminds me of a verse from a PUBLIC ENEMY song. “Every brother ain’t a brother, cause a Black hand squeezed on Malcolm X the man, the shootin’ of Huey Newton, from the hand of a nig they pulled the trig.”