Remember last month when I told you that chunky JESSICA SIMPSON was one of the baddest bitches on two wheels? Some of y”all dudes str8 up slept on her talking about how the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ JESSICA was better. Chea ya’ right! It looks like the reason I was sweating the thick chick JESSICA is because in times of economic uncertainty the same neural receptors that favor accumulating resources also favor full figured women.
It’s like there’s something in a man’s brain that tells us that lean times are in front of us and then that everlasting biological survival mode kicks in and we start to eyefuck all the ladies with the big drawls. I feel like I have been ahead of the game for some time. From the gate I only fuxed with fat OPRAH. The slim OPRAH was like an evil robot. Most chicks don’t look right either when they downsize from thick to thin. You just knew ANNA NICOLE SMITH was about to crash and burn when she slimmed down.
Watch how many thick chicks become pop starlet superstars the longer our economy stays fucked the fuck up. JENNIFER HUDSON. KELLY CLARKSON. MADEA?!? We are about to find out how much our collective conscious can handle the idea of being impoverished. I wonder if this is how shit was during the time of PAUL RUBENS (no Pee Wee Herman)? Thick chicks were the cats pajamas back then too. If the stock market tumbles just a little further I may have to eBay myself the Queen Latifah swimsuit calendar.
