Archive for August, 2006

Gone in 60 Seconds… (2006 B.W.A. Nominee)

Friday, August 25th, 2006

audi5000

Of the many fucked up things I can say that I have done to ruin the quality of life for New Yorkers, the most costly indiscretions were borrowing people’s cars. The only good that ultimately came from the this was that S.W. coined the term ‘whip’. He was making fun of my parking and how I turned the wheel to get into a spot. The term is now part of the hip-hop lexicon as are many of the jig words that we use on this site. The name for a borrowed vehicle was an ‘S’. We called it that because we were cornballs and it gave us the chance to say, “Look at this ‘S’ car go.”

Living in the shadow of Shea Stadium made it easy for T.C., S.W. and me to have access to all kinds of vehicles during the summer. Actually, T.C. taught S.W. and I how to drive and he was younger than we were. I don’t even remember how we learned how to steal cars. That is another one of the fucked up things about the ghetto, bullshit knowledge gets filtered down as if by osmosis. Nobody in the ghetto can spell osmosis, but everyone knows how to steal a car. First off, you needed a couple of flathead screw drivers. One thin and small(approx. 3/16″ wide) and one that was longer and a little bit wider. Next, you had to have a dent puller, or pulley, as we used to call it.

pulley

The pulley is a sliding cast iron weight on a steel rod with a gripper handle on one end and a steel screw on the other. We would buy our tools at the Korean owned car parts store. They had to know that a sixteen year old doesn’t repair cars, but what do they care since they are prah’lee illegal aliens anyhoo. We kept our tools in a backpack. Everybody had a set and we always traveled with at least two sets. In case someone broke a screw inside an ignition, we wouldn’t be shit out of luck. Your screwdrivers got bent up too because some people would have the reinforced guards around their keyholes.

I remember the tension as you approached a possible ‘S’. You had to be precise and hell’a fast. You had to have this motion of going into the door lock and then lifting upwards. Once the door popped you would open the door and jump in the passenger seat. Out comes the pulley that you slam into the ignition cylinder. Slide the weight down to get the screw to puncture the cylinder. One, two, three, four turns of the handle should have that screw into the cylinder at least an inch deep. Slide the weight back to the handle and out pops the cylinder. Stick the large screwdriver into the ignition and turn clockwise as if you had the key.

If the car didn’t have a hidden kill switch you would be in business. You had to make all of this happen in under a minute. That is usually the time it takes for a car alarm to be activated. Car alarms weren’t as ubiquitous in 1986 as they are today. When one of them went off back then people would actually come to see what was going on. Being sharp and fast was a prerequisite and my crew, the Whypticons, had some other rules that we played by. The number one rule was not to take any whip that you thought belonged to a brother. There was all kinds of senseless shit that Black folks and Mexicans liked to do to their cars, but these pantomimes helped us recognize whose car was whose. If anyone had the personalized silver strip running along the bottom of their doors it was a Black. The gates on the back window of a Maxima were also telltale signs. As an aside, Asian folks hardly ever washed their cars back then. Props to the Filipino kids that go to the car wash. They started this whole Asian dude washing their car trend. Rule number two was not to take any car with a baby seat. We seriously had respect like that for people with munchkins. Robbin’ hoods for real. The next rules came in terms of vehicle operation. Always wear your seat belts and always use your signals. We actually convinced ourselves that our conscientious driving habits are what kept us from being caught.

gucci jacket

We treated the cars like they were our own, cleaning the insides and getting them washed regularly. Our depraved joke was that we had ‘All City’ insurance. When we smashed up a whip we would just get another. How fly do you think it was to go to the club in the city with a car? Trust me that we were among the small number of teenagers that drove themselves up to Union Square a/k/a the Underground. We would drive up to the Red Parrot and just hang out in the front of the club on West 57th Street. We couldn’t get in the club because we were too young, but S.W. had smashed a couple of chicks that he picked up on the blowout one night so that brought us back from time to time. We could get into Paradise Garage and 10-18 and those spots were hot to death with freaks and crackfiends.

The joyriding was fun as shit, but the truth is that if it doesn’t make you any dollars then it doesn’t make any sense. The junkyards that adjoin Shea Stadium are part of an area called the Iron Triangle. They sell stolen cars and parts in the Triangle during the day. Drugs and prostitution rule the area at night. We brought several cars into the Triangle and as our luck would have it we didn’t go there for a few weeks and then the Feds came through and raided the Triangle. T.C. brought the newspaper to my crib with the article. His dad gave it to him. T.C.’s dad was cool as all hell and just like all of our fathers he had a sensibility that comes from knowing what exists on the streets and how to avoid it. That ended our not so lucrative ‘auto-trading’ business model, but it didn’t stop us from whipping it.

Why did some poor fuck leave the pasenger window rolled down on a brand new golden bronze Ac’ Legend?!? T.C. caught it by the pedestrian bridge that leads to the stadium. What a dumb fuck this owner was. He parked his car in Corona and decided to walk the 5 minutes to the stadium to avoid the parking fees on his brand new sedan. We didn’t have to damage the door lock or anything. Up to this point this was the best car that we had ever had. It was completely leathered out. There were all kinds of ridiculous electronic motorized features in this car. I can’t begin to tell you how pimp we were in this car. We drove this car all around the tri-state area for almost a month. S.W. had some chicks up in Mount Vernon and I had a little shorty on Long Island near Jones Beach. You want to talk about out of control swagger?!? I am still surprised that I don’t have any children from that summer.

guess jeans

Everything wasn’t all gravy forever inside those ‘S’ cars and in 1989, T.C., S.W. and I were arrested in the Bronx. If you are lucky you will get to see my mugshot hairstyle modeling photo from back then.

After that arrest I wouldn’t ride dirty any longer, but I have got a ton of adventures to kick to you from 1986 to 1989. Holler…

Reservations in the Sky: CO-OP CITY (2006 B.W.A. Nominee)

Friday, August 25th, 2006

co-op city

Dedicated to JASON BRIAN BARCLAY 5.21.1977-8.15.2006
Rest in peace young brother, Section 5 for life.

I spent a lot of time when I was young in the care of my grandparents, particularly my great-grandmother. To this day she is probably my single most powerful connection to GOD. If you have a grandmother and she loves you a lot then multiply that feeling exponentially. There isn’t a more developmentally encouraging person that I can think of for someone under 5 years of age.

The GOD reference was apropo too since my great-grandmother lived on the 25th floor of her apartment building and you couldn’t convice me otherwise that her apartment wasn’t Heaven. On a foggy overcast morning if you looked out the window you looked down on the clouds. They were so thick and cumulus that some kids thought they could ride them away. Unfortunately back then the city had no laws requiring child safety bars for hi-rise apartment building windows and every so often a mother’s anguished banshee wail would echo through the cavernous canyons of buildings. I guess you can’t have Heaven if there is no Hell.

co-op city

My great-grandmother knew that she didn’t have to worry about me losing my sense of perspective even at that early age. She kept me busy with her cooked food, her card games and her love for mystery novels. She was an avid reader and I don’t even recall her watching anything on television, except when she let me watch Sesame Street. Her transistor radio in the kitchen was never turned off, but it was never too loud either. Just a calm sound that couldn’t replace the din of an energetic three year old. True story is that I don’t remember being three years old, but I remember my great-grandmother. I remember her voice and I remember her food.

My great-grandma was old school before I had even gone to school. Great-grandma was born on the island of Nevis in 1894 so by the time I touched down she had already seen the best and worst of all people. Her husband was a tall Irish-American immigrant, Mr.O’LOUGHLIN, who was renowned for threatening all the neighborhood rapscallions that might gaze for too long at any of his daughters or nieces. Mr.O’LOUGHLIN passed away when I was too young to have known him, but everyone that knows us will tell you that I have at least two of his traits. His eye for beautiful women and his oversized liver.

My great-grandmother certainly made up for any of Mr.O’LOUGHLIN’s lessons that might have been issued to me. Later in the day I would be joined by my grandmother and my grandfather. My grandmother was more or less the captain of the team that lived in Co-op City. They had all moved from my great-grandmother’s house in Queens to this brand new development in the Bronx.

scotland

Modeled after some technologically tremendous European residential architecture(pictured above), Co-op City was one of the largest housing initiatives ever created. The City housed almost sixty-thousand people in over 15,000 housing units. There were incredible amenities in this City within the city. Apartments were heated and cooled with centralized air conditioning. Each building had a multi-user laundromat. The ground floors of the apartment buildings hosted various medical offices for all the seniors that were part of the development. I think that was the appeal for my grandmother on behalf of my great-grandmother. The City’s site plan was so organized that you didn’t have to cross a street to get to the supermarket, the deli, the dry cleaners or the schools. This was from its inception a master plan that lent its design to utopian communism. Co-op City also had the greatest number of Black, Brown, Red, Yellow and white peoples living within the same zip code.

From the mind of a five year old child this was my favorite place on Earth, but under the surface of this faux forced utopia were the undercurrents of social unraveling on a grand scale. Co-op City for all of its charm and extravagance could not escape the real world right across the street. The Bronx is the poorest section of America per capita and Co-op City would not be exempted. In order for the developers of Co-op City to secure the Federal H.U.D. money to create the development there had to housing set aside for people receiving Federal and state income supplements. The developers designed the city so that this area where their ‘Section 8’ tenants would reside was separated from the primary housing block. They were provided with their own shopping cluster and primary grade schools, but the high school students would be required to travel by public bus. The area of Co-op City that housed primarily all of the developments welfare recipients was further sequestered from the larger complex by being on the opposite side of the Hutchinson River. Occasionally, the drawbridge that you had to cross to enter that section would be raised if there was a barge traveling up the river.

There was certainly a distinction made between the residents of Section 5 and the rest of the Co-op City residents in Sections 1-4 (no relation to ‘Section 8’). These differences would manifest themelves at the local high school, HARRY S. TRUMAN, where children from middle class aspiring parents comingled with the children of parent(s) who may not have shared those same values. I believe this was the failure of Co-op City and the subsequent failure of residential communities of even smaller scales. A community’s value system will be reflected by it’s most mediocre denizens, where those that have a higher value system will displace themselves or be shunted altogether. High rise apartment complexes work in European cities because they are occupied by residents who share the same class value system. There won’t be any pissing in the hallways in Glasglow, not because they are more civilized, but because that is never projected as an option to using the bathroom.

co-op

The residents in Co-op City began to reflect the values of people that feel like they have no stake in the place that they reside. Simple issues like litter can become tremendous issues when you contemplate the magnitude of 60,000 people all living within the same 300 acres. Trust me, there’s no longer any room to breathe. Co-op City barely made it through New York City’s fiscal crisis during the 1970’s. City services like mass transit and garbage collection were severely halted. Roadway repair was also non-existant and this was an area of the Bronx that residents needed to drive to and from their jobs if they had one. Now try to imagine the resulting clamor when the mid-1980’s recession and drug explosion took hold of the city. This much ballyhooed model community was under siege. The last remaining white residents fled from Co-op City as if it were the Titanic sinking in the middle of the ocean.

The diversity that began when this city first opened its doors was no more. It was now metamorphisized into the largest Federal housing project in the country. More reflective of the southern Bronx neighborhoods like SoundView and Hunts Point as opposed to the diverse middle class western Bronx enclaves like Marble Hill and Riverdale. Co-op City is a great study in urban design and planning, but I think it serves as a better example for socio-economic trends. This is why many whites are opposed to sharing zip codes with different peoples. If the vales of new residents doesn’t at least meet those of the incumbent community you will have a loss of property value. Transversely, if new residents into a community value their property they will be able to displace the incumbent community who does not have those values.

So now when I look at high rise apartment buildings I see them as just ‘Reservations in the Sky’. Instead of giving away multi-acre tracts of land for people to establish their communities the government is stacking houses on top of one another so much like LEGO blocks.

BAY’BRO (2006 Black Weblog Awards Nominee)

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

karate kito

There is only one thing that I regret on the daily about myself and the selfish years I spent away from my family. I regret leaving my little brother behind. I regret that he was the collateral damage in my war against my parents, but more specifically my dad. He didn’t deserve that from me because all he has ever given me from the day that he was born was his love and his trust.

He and I had one of those large splits (9+ years) which comes almost part and parcel with the modern Black family. His biological father was Mr.PENN, and if you were to ask me about my father, DALLAS, I wouldn’t have been able to describe him. Mr.PENN was the only dad that I ever knew. DALLAS had been a computer engineer when he and my mom were married. Back when computers had fuse bulbs and were the size of living rooms. He worked for Columbia University and the perks there included a plush apartment on Riverside Drive. My mom always tells me about the maids’ room. That was all before the alcohol and that white bitch heroin became his new fidelity.

Crestfallen and abused my mom returned to the safety of Queens. To her mother’s mother’s house in the quiet neighborhood called Corona. She returned to college after having left Howard University to elope with DALLAS. She worked during the day. She attended night classes at New York University. That is where she met Mr.PENN. I know this story because mom still has the mind to recall it. As far as I knew when I was a kid there was only Mr.PENN.

KITO which is Ibo for precious jewel was born on a cold March Friday in 1979. He was a handful of trouble for someone who had become accustomed to being alone. KITO and I had to share a bedroom because my dad’s younger brother lived with us too after their dad had passed away in Petersburg, VA. KITO was always into my shit like my AFX collection, my baseball cards and my most prized possessions, which were my comic books.

key n me

My mom told me that he liked to mess with that stuff because he saw the attention that I poured into my hobbies. Try telling an eleven year old that he has to let his kid brother ‘read’ his comic books. I mean he couldn’t even read and he drooled on my books. Nonetheless, my dad would make me share with my brother. His lesson to me was to watch how he took care of his own brother because one day he and my mom would be gone and there would only be KITO and I left remaining. So I begrudgingly shared my time and my toys. To tell you the truth it really wasn’t all bad having a kid brother. He was my Saturday morning cartoon remote control. He knew how to mix a can of soda with a cup of Kool-Aid. He was my personal umbrella holder.

co-op city

My dad never stopped drilling the idea into my head that I had to look out for my brother. And I did as much when ever we were outside in the neighborhood. I was years older than all of his peers and I was one of the popular kids in our enclave so he was protected and secure. That was until I became a teenager. Whatever hormone that clicked inside of my brain that told me that I no longer needed to heed my parents’ advice doomed my relationship with my brother. I argued and fought with my parents often and poor KITO would be in his room under the covers crying. What else would you do if you were six years old and the people that you depended upon for guidance and support were at each others’ throats.

jamrock

My problem was that I was still so selfish. Nothing mattered to me, but me. I wasn’t mature enough to understand that my fractured relationship with my parents put my brother in no man’s land. He loved my parents dearly, but I was his idol. This has to be similiar to the emotional ravine that children of divorce face. My behavior in their house and my illicit conduct outside of it left my parents little choice but to expel me, even though it was before my eighteenth birthday. I can remember the tears in my brother’s eyes when I packed up a duffle bag and an oversized black garbage bag. I don’t think he thought he would see me again.

I knew that wasn’t the case at all, but I was so stupid and reckless and I was determined to prove a point to my parents. I thought that my brother would be taken care of since my dudes that I came up with were still close by. VICEBERG was one of my oldest friends and his mother was my baby brother’s GODmother. S.W. was another dude that I had trusted with my life on many, many occasions. I thought that I could trust him with my brother as well. My ego was naive and self-centered so instead of leaving my brother with friends I had unwittingly left him with the wolves. They devoured his heart and his mind and left him without hope in utter despair. There will be some stories that I relate to you in this forum that are for adult eyes and ears only. You will learn about my wanton depravity, my failures and my almost execution. These unadulterated stories are not for children and by relating these events to a child you create an emotional void that is almost impossible to fill.

newport, r.i.

I can’t blame those boys for filling my brothers head with my nonsense. It was my job to be my brother’s keeper and I failed miserably. My brother went to the other side of the neighborhood just as I did. When I fell into the throes of cocaine and methamphetamine abuse my kid brother was being turned on to chronic by one of the dudes I previously mentioned. All the while being told that I was doing the same thing that he was. I realize now that was my fault, and my fault alone.

My brother’s arrest for assault and robbery is because of me. My brother’s failure to complete high school is my doing. His jail sentence can be traced to the night that I left my parents’ home. On these pages you will come to see how my immature foolish ego has caused me to lose everything that I ever cared about. However, all is not lost yet. Although Mr.PENN has joined the great GOD in the sky the old Earth still remains. As does the precious jewel.

GOD please help me to reclaim my precious jewel.

precious jewel

Baseball Just Doesn’t Give a BUCK (2006 B.W.A. Nominee)

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006

who gives a buck

L.M., P-City, TONY and RAFI are the only losers readers visiting this crappy website that still care about beisbol so this post is for them. No brokeback, of course.

What is all of this noise about concerning JOHN JORDAN ‘BUCK’ O’NEIL and his omission from the Major League Basebal Hall of Fame. BUCK must have one of the best rabbis on his home team, because I have never seen the New York Times fellate a Black man this much since they pulled their silver spoons out for MALCOLM GLADWELL’s ballsachs. Although, since MALCOLM is a tragic mulatto I guess that doesn’t really count as Black then does it?

All this liberal boohooing and handwringing is coming from the very same sportswriters that have elected NOT to vote BUCK into baseball’s prestigious Hall of Fame. Well if all of you sage and just writers really wanted this old codger to be able to smell the roses while he was still breathing you would have voted for him. No sense in giving a Black any credit while they are alive anyhoo I guess. Just look at how 3-6-MAFIA acted.

GEORGE VECSEY waxed poetically about how the sky would have opened up and baseball might have finally exorcised all of the ghosts of greatness overlooked and most times outright denied.

GEORGE needs to stop smoking that WHITNEY HOUSTON, or to keep things in a baseball perspective, stop sniffing my man DWIGHT GOODEN’s white pudding. BUCK O’NEIL is a pioneer that’s for sure, and there are many other Negro Leaguers that played the greatest pasttime with verve and skill. The Hall of Fame should recognize all of the Negro League players. For a select few of them skin color was the least of their disabilities.


RONNY ‘TURKEY LEG’ JENKINS

the 1920 stars

RONALD JENKINS was from a small Tennessee coal mining town. At the age of 16 he lost part of his left leg in a mule cart accident, but that didn’t deter him from pursuing his dream of playing baseball. He fashioned a prosthetic limb for himself made with scrap wood from the dining room table in his parents’ house. He promised his parents that one day he would return to them with a new table so that they wouldn’t have to eat dinner sitting on the floor any longer.

turkey leg

RONNY was well known for his grace in the outfield, but it was his world class speed that would make him a Hall of Fame caliber Negro Leaguer. RONNY set records in the league for stolen bases during 4 consecutive seasons. He averaged more than 3 steals per game in three of those years. It wasn’t unreasonable for RONNY to score from first on an infield ground ball to the pitcher. RONNY would swipe third so often it was renamed ‘Turkey base’

turkey

Much fuss was made of the incident where RONNY’s prosthetic leg failed during a game and he had the wherewithall to hop all the way to home plate. RONNY played for the Detroit Stars for twelve years and he came to be regarded as one of the clutch players in the league. RONNY’s smooth style on the field was complemented by his grace off the field. After his retirement he became a local celebrity in the Detroit swingdancing scene.

turkey leg



EVERETT ‘BAT MAN’ BAILEY
bat man

Of all the unsung Negro League heroes the ‘BAT MAN’ is my personal favorite. He played for the Kansas City Monarchs during the same years as BUCK and SATCHEL PAIGE did. EVERETT was no ordinary ball player because he was completely blind. A childhood disease had robbed him of his eyesight, but not of his spirit or his will to play the game. EVERETT was Kansas City’s second best pitcher next to SATCHEL PAIGE

satch

You ask how Everett was able to pitch despite the fact that he was 100% blind and I tell you that he was a genius. LARRY BROWN, the great Negro League catcher would yell to EVERETT, telling him if the batter was left or right-handed, tall or short. All EVERETT had to do was rear back and release his fastball. What gave EVERETT an extra level of unorthodoxy was the fact that he would release the pitch as he jumped into the air.

bat man

Surprisingly enough, EVERETT had an extremely low rate of hit batsmen and a high number of strikeouts. Between EVERETT BAILEY and SATCHEL PAIGE you were lucky to get on base when you played the Monarchs. But the real reason that I liked the ‘BAT MAN’ so much was because he was a prolific hitter. The ‘BAT MAN’ hit over .400 for his career. Can you imagine how good he might have been if he could have seen the ball?!?

bat man

The ‘BAT MAN’ used the son of the team’s equipment manager as his assistant. He trained his ears to respond to only that voice in a crowded ballpark of thousands, maybe millions. The young man would scream out two words descrptions of the pitches that were being hurled and with that information the ‘BAT MAN’ was able to make contact with the ball. Getting around the bases was another issue and the ‘BAT MAN’ was usually replaced with a pinch runner after he had stumbled to first base and the play had been stopped. That is why the rule exists today that when a player is replaced by a pinch runner he has to leave the game.

It’s not as though I am hating on BUCK O’NEIL its just that there are many players from the Negro Leagues that have left an indelible mark on this game The fact that there aren’t too many Blacks who are into baseball now is another reason that I am loathe to bequeath an honor upon another jig sportsman. If BUCK O’NEIL could bring some of that crap music jig bling money into the stadiums then maybe it would be fine to put him in the Hall.

As it stands I do think that BUCK does deserve some kind of recognition for living to be 94 years old in racist azz Jim Crow Missouri.

buck

It’s A WHITE Thing… You Wouldn’t Understand (2006 B.W.A. Nominee)

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006

blackwhite cookies

I watched the FX networks surreality show ‘Black/white’ in the hopes that there would be some substance to this program. FX boasted during their campaign of hype that this program would forever change my precepts about race in America.

Just back in December scientists at Penn State discovered the DNA mutation that causes the lighter skin complection found on most Europeans and north Asian peoples. It turns out that it was only a single letter out of the over 3 billion letter code that is the human genome. The collegiate study means that there are far more similarities among people than we already knew.

In the end I see why the producers had to borrow ICE CUBE to move this show forward. The main characters are more like racial caricatures when they describe their stereotyped notions of society. The editors found every cliche soundbite that was ever said. No new ground was unearthed. No breakthrough. The flaw in this primetime television experiment is the notion that Blackness and whiteness are representative of skin color. Or the way that someone speaks. If I annunciate when I talk is that a renunciation of my Blackness? If I wear a dashiki does that affirm my Blackness?

It boggles my mind that this issue remains such a sore spot to so many people. Let me be clear now by saying that racism is VERY necessary to maintain our American way of life. Racism keeps the lights on in this land and without it this whole thing called living that we occasionally enjoy would become quite a hell. Can you imagine for two seconds if there were no privilege to being white?

Can you imagine telling those folks that their neighborhoods would have to be used for the trafficking of narcotics? What about other vices like prostitution? How crazy would that be if you had to drive into the ‘white’ neighborhood to find a liquor store open on Sunday? As long as white folks comprise the majority of people here in America we need to keep racism and privilege in place. You don’t want a whole bunch of German-descended folks carrying their pitchforks and burning stakes through your neighborhood because all of a sudden they have to ride on the back of the bus.

You do remember TIMOTHY McVEIGH don’t you? Disaffected arabs target the financial institutions and buildings that support the military industrial complex like the Pentagon. Pissed off Americans blow up day care centers filled with other white kids. That is some hell’a way to get out of paying your child support obligations.

As a matter of fact you should hug the next white that you see, or at least hold the door for them. When the day comes that they realize that the levees are broken that is going to be one helluva flood.