Happy holidays Internets! You looking for some new kicks to put your stockings into? Good, just don’t fux with any of these str8 wacksauce joints.
Archive for December, 2013
Dallas Penn’s Drop 10…
Friday, December 6th, 2013Outfit Architecture…
Friday, December 6th, 2013
PRL’s Modern Explorer series returned in fall 2013 with a consistent pedigree. It wasn’t too flashy, but it was well made wearable design. These are the pieces that become your weekly staples for years to come.
Macy’s and Modells are two of the classic NYC spots for you to come up on some affordable luxury.
I’m feeling these urban hiker Timberland boots called the Intervale Mids. The shoes are waterproofed and insulated but mostly they are affordable quality. Modells had them for $90 and I kick myself for not copping these from 6pm.com when they were selling them for $65
Macy’s coupon for this weekend is an additional 25% off of regular priced items and clearance pieces. $25 for the kniot and $35 for the zip-neck pullover.
HIP-HOP Used To Be A Force For Good…
Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013
There was a moment when rap music was considered the CNN to the center city. It described the frustrations, the struggles, the truth about how America’s disenfranchised and underserved viewed themselves and their community. It became obvious through the music that the conditions that existed in these communities were created and maintained by a power that was more wretched than any of us could have imagined. The stakes were high that’s for sure and this power wasn’t about to subject everyone to the evil truth. That’s why the dark jedi cloak their faces. Otherwise everyone would be able to see how disfigured their evil has made them. Rap music was similarly disguised from the ghetto CNN into the ghetto HSN.
Home Shopping Network doesn’t offer a goddamn thing that any of us need, but we will buy the shit they sell if that is the only thing they sell. Consuming completes us as Americans, moreso than love and self-esteem can. It reaffirms the notion that we have power over something, anything. I do a lot of my shopping in the 99cent store because that is all I can afford sometimes and because the Chinese got it, for cheap. Rap music is just like the 99cent store too. Nothing on the shelves is built to last. I can’t think of a post 9-11 rap CD that I would still want to bump in my car (fuck you repo man). There was a time when the music wasn’t this bleak, even a BLEEK CD wouldn’t be that bad provided that JAY appeared on half the tracks. I am not an old school head that wishes for the comeback album from the SugarHill Gang. There is official music on the streets, but none of it gets the shine from the ivory tower called Viacom. Check out JOELL ORTIZ, peep KIRB & CHRIS. You should already know about FRANK & DANK, SLUM VILLAGE and CAPPADONNA.
I had such high hopes for rap music and my generation. I feel like we let each other down by not stepping up to rally, or to vote, or to educate ourselves when the call was made. Instead we just shopped and partied. Now I should prah’lee qualify that last statement because I am sure that I don’t speak for all of you. I am as guilty of all the above as anyone so maybe my disappointment is when I see my own reflection. I am as much a part of Hip-Hop as any emcee or deejay that you listen to on the radio. I owe Hip-Hop a debt for my sense of style, the way I speak, my love of art and how I move through the world. Can you imagine what the soundtrack to our lives would sound like without Hip-Hop music? I love acid jazz, but there is only so much acid a brother can take before it starts to eat away your spinal fluid, excuse me, now I digress…
In 1977 GEORGE LUCAS released the first film in his monstrously epic series called ‘Star Wars’. The series would forever change the way that we look at movies. The series is the ultimate parable of good conquering evil, or something like that. It was certainly good art.
There was a moment when I considered rap music to be good art, a weapon for change, and a Force for good…
KANYE WEST = LUKE SKYWALKER
This is the man who is supposed to bring balance back to the universe. Does anyone remember when MOS DEF annointed this dude the future of rap music on the Def Jam Poetry show?!? I normally take MOS DEF very seriously, but after that comment he made on this dude’s behalf I thought that MOS was on the Kool-Aid. KANYE ain’t even give MOS no beats either. WTF?!
50 CENT = PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA
Before you fools start acting up you need to understand that Princess Leia was stronger with the force than Luke was. In the same way, 50 CENT is more influential than KANYE is. 50 CENT is everywhere, all the time. He is making money off this blog and I ain’t making money off this blog.
The actual reason that I had to make 50 this character though was because just like Princess Leia, he would love to be kissed in the mouth by Han Solo…
NAS = HAN SOLO
This was a no brainer to me. NAS stares out of his Queensbridge apartment window and poetically imagines himself to be a daring, outlaw swashbuckler.
Also, the main reason that NAS had to be Han Solo is because he is married in real life to Chewbacca.
Say what you want to say, at least KELIS is bossy enough to find the humor in this piece of shiite blog.
JAY-Z = LANDO CALRISSIAN
Fuck loyalty, Lando was alll about his business. When he saw an opportunity to come up in the game he took it. DAME who?!? That’s why he made the deal with the Empire to freeze Han Solo in the carbonite. NAS still had some ether left in him so he was able to break free and now he and Lando JAY are cool again, and its nothing.
GNARLS BARKLEY = C3PO and R2-D2
Did you catch GNARLS BARKLEY on the MTV awards a few months ago? They freaked a set of their song ‘Crazy’ while the entire band was wearing ‘Star Wars’ themed costumes. They’re cool, but they’re totally teh ghey so I had to make them the fag robot couple.
THE ROOTS = THE MODAL NODES
After I saw the ROOTS Crew perform for the thousandth time I realized that these brothers would be the only cats that had a chance of saving Hip-Hop from itself, but that task may end up being too Herculean for even these ultra-talented brothers. In the first ‘Star Wars’ movie when shit breaks fool in the bar and dude gets his arm cut off wasn’t it funny how the music only stopped for like a second?
LIL’ WEEZY = JAWA
You can’t sleep on these cats from the first movie either. They were the ultimate hustlers because they would steal your shit and sell it right back to you. I imagine that LIL’ WEEZ needs to have some of that scavenger attitude in him right now also since the Ninth Ward is still fucked the fuck up.
MOBB DEEP = EWOKS
These lil’ dudes were all about making music with tree trunks and playing around. Anybody remember Bars & Hooks?
THE JEDI KNIGHTS
The Jedi Knights were the guardians of the galaxy. They used their power to shed light on the darkness. Some would be corrupted by the darkside, but the most courageous and virtuous of them remained true to the Force.
GRANDMASTER CAZ = YODA
Yeah bitches, there is no father to CAZ’ style. Without his ryhmebook there would be no commercial Hip-Hop. I don’t see commercial Hip-Hop as a negative in as long as what you are selling is the truth.
RAKIM ALLAH = MACE WINDU
Even though Mace Windu dies in the series and the God is still with us I had to make him this character since his knowledge of the Force and his ability with it was second only to Yoda. Mace Windu had actually defeated the Dark Sith Lord until he was double crossed by Darth Vader. Draw all the connections that you see fit.
KRS-ONE = OBI-WAN KENOBI
KRS is just as gully now as he was twenty years ago, maybe even more so. When you carry a lightsaber tuned in to the truth you think that you are invincible. That’s why I picked KRS-ONE to play Obi-Wan, also because his mentor SCOTT LA ROCK was killed before his training was fully completed.
As one of the last Jedi left standing Obi-Wan was as much of a teacher as he was still a warrior. I remember reading the ‘Autobiography of Malcolm X’ after being inspired by the imagery of KRS-ONE, PUBLIC ENEMY and LARRY DAVIS
The ranks of the Jedi are far too numerous to name on this site, but I will try to recall as many as possible and describe their contributions to the life giving Force that surrounds us all.
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AFRIKA BAMBAATAA You shouldn’t even ask me because English words do not do him justice. |
| DJ KOOL HERC Along with brother BAMBAATAA, he crafted a monumental art form from literally nothing. The Bronx is still the poorest region in America per capita. The struggle still continues but now it is our responsibility to demand better schools, better jobs and a better life. |
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MELLE MEL Raw, unbridled passion. To this day no one has painted the graphic rise and fall of man as well as ‘The Message’ does. No one dares utter that primal growl either. |
THE FURIOUS FIVE
The brothers are the forebearers of the rap collective. Each member carrying their own distinguished style and swagger.
PUBLIC ENEMY
‘Yo! Bum Rush The Show’ was a sonic smack to the face that made the T.I.’s (Trade Federation) recognize the power of rap music once and for all. P.E. changed rap music in so many ways. Their in your face, unapologetic, pro-Black image was real and unfiltered. The only thing that I can think of right now that keeps it this real is the ‘KILL WHITE TEE‘ movement.
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DJ JAZZY JEFF When I saw JEFF perform with the ROOTS Crew I beckoned him to do the transformer scratch. Too bad I was yelling from the uppermost balcony. |
| DJ PREMIER PRIMO has been holding it down for years and he has never compromised his sound no matter what funky flutes or corny keyboard trends are infiltrating Hip-Hop. |
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DILLA b/k/a JAY DEE One word. Genius. He loved Hip-Hop like we all should. R.I.P. JAMES YANCEY |
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THE RZA As the chief architect of the Wu Tang Clan, the RZA found a way to create energy using the powers of The Furious Five, Public Enemy. Poor Righteous Teachers, and Sonny Chiba movies. |
THE WU-TANG CLAN
For all intensive purposes, rap music ended after the Wu-Tang. There will never be another collective with the talent, the imagination or the style. The entire diaspora of positive Black manhood was represented by the Wu. Not perfect, but still very positive.
AFTERMATH/SHADY/G-UNIT
The jury still hasn’t come in on this trio, but I imagine it might not be good. 50 CENT and EMINEM are undoubtedly the most influential rappers to this point, but they are both padawans of Dr.DRE and one of the sacred laws of the Jedi is that no good master can have two students.
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DR. DRE There is a character in the ‘Star Wars’ universe named Sifo-Dyas. He was responsible for placing the order for the clone army with the Kaminoans. Sifo-Dyas was under the direction of the Dark Lord of The Sith. |
THE TRADE FEDERATION a/k/a THE T.I.’s
The Trade Federation were only pawns of the Dark Lord of the Sith, but he used them to send the Jedi on errant missions and ultimately to their demise. The T.I.s are represented by the executives that run Viacom Corp. They own all manner of media outlets including the big three cultural hustling networks – B.E.T., M.T.V. and VH-1.
BIGGIE and TUPAC
BIGGIE’s influence is surprising considering his abbreviated catalog of work, while TUPAC continues to make records and movies ten years after he was killed. Are either of these artisits to be considered Jedi. You have to decide.
YOUNGLINGS
These are the padawans or students of the Jedi. They show a high concentration of the mito-chlorians that signal someone who can be strong with the Force. JOELL ORTIZ, SAIGON, PAPOOSE and YOUNG JOC are some of the younglings that may grow to be strong with the light side of the Force. Let’s hope that is their goal.
Before I close this thought I almost forgot to mention a character that was essentail to the ‘Star Wars’ series. Without Queen Amidala, there would be no Luke or Leia. The same goes for this young lady. How many female emcees have sprung from her womb? RAH DIGGA is certainly the nicest, but no one else can fuck with the LYTE side of the Force.
The BUSH Administration = The DARK SIDE of the FORCE
Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013
Real life often imitates art because art is so much more fun. There was also a time when art wasn’t simply disposable entertainment. It had a permanence and a relevance to our lives that transcended generations. Art contained the messages of morality and mortality, art described the human condition. Nowadays there isn’t too much art that can hold claim to being relevant to anyone other than the artist themselves. Be honest, can you imagine the Black Eyed Peas having a recording contract two years from now?
The STAR WARS saga has gripped our minds for nearly three decades because it has been good art. Not only have the movies been viscerally stunning and groundbreaking, but they have contained the components of a classic morality play. The eternal struggle of good versus evil, the prodigal son, the horny sailor woos the sexually supressed princess, you know, all the great stories from the Bible. The biggest parable that is displayed in this saga is the theme that “absolute power corrupts absolutely“.
To this extent I see such a direct correlation between the STAR WARS saga and our current presidential administration. The powers of a government should be dedicated to the freedom and liberty of its citizens. This current administration has used fear and the threat of violence to paralyze us, forcing us to choose between life and liberty as if these two precepts were mutually exclusive.
In the end I still believe that good will triumph over evil and the universe will eventually right itself, but in the meantime and in between time I will try to appreciate all the good art.
PRESIDENT GEORGE H. BUSH = DARTH SIDIOUS
The former president is the boss of all bosses. There isn’t a damn thing that happens on the planet today that President BUSH didn’t engineer decades ago. Before he was President he directed the Central Intelligence Agency, and before that he was a major player in Beltway politics. Just like Chancellor Palpatine rose to power while simultaneously enabling the Republic Seperatists as Darth Sidious, President Bush installed Saddam Hussein and the Ba’ath Seperatists only to chop them down like a tree when he decided that he no longer needed their shade. One word – gangsta!
PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON = MAS AMEDDA
MAS AMEDDA is essentially the umbrella holder for Chancellor Palpatine. Think of him as an extra-large parrot.
SECRETARY of STATE Dr. CONDOLEEZA RICE = DARTH VADER
I know that some of you will disagree with this at first but try understand why I have selected CONDI for this spot instead of G.W. The main reason is that CONDI still has more destructive potential if she is elected President in 2008. She has already put Iran on notice. From her years of working inside the Russian and Middle Eastern intelligence machines she has an intimate knowledge of the Galactic Empire loyalists in those regions second only to DARTH SIDIOUS PRESIDENT BUSH Sr.
Incidentally, the Rebel sympathiser Sudanese president OMAR al-BESHIR better protect his neck if Dr.RICE does become president after that dustup during her visit last year.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH = DARTH MAUL
DARTH MAUL was an important character because his skill showed you just how powerful his master was. One of the additional factors that led me to choose this character for the current president is the fact that his dad would probably sacrifice him to save his favorite son, NEIL.
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY = GRAND MOFF TARKIN
GRAND MOFF TARKIN was ultra loyal to the Emperor and he was an evil bad ass to boot. The Emperor uses TARKIN to keep an eye on the hot-tempered DARTH VADER so that he doesn’t choke everyone out on g.p. As an aside, do you think it was CHENEY that kept CONDOLEEZA from putting rat poison in COLIN POWELL’s coffee? Anyhoo…
SECRETARY of STATE COLIN POWELL = COUNT DOOKU
COUNT DOOKU did what his master, DARTH SIDIOUS, had instructed him to do and when he was no longer needed, he was terminated.
PRESIDENTIAL ADVISER KARL ROVE = GENERAL GRIEVOUS
GRIEVOUS was a critical member of the Sith forces because he was an excellent strategist. KARL ROVE has shown that he has an uncanny ability to plot strategies for the Bush administration. When the President appears weak in the public polls ROVE has taught him to just blurt out three simple words – GOD , abortion, terrorism. Its a masterful strategy that hasn’t failed yet.
SECRETARY of DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD = ADMIRAL ROMODI MOTTI
What had happened was they was having a Cabinet meeting and RUMOTTI got out of pocket talking about how we was going into Iraq with guns blazing and how we was going to kick that Iraqi azz like it stole’d our mammas pocketbook, but then CONDARTH was like, “Stop talking so much shiite and just get some positive results, the President is down 25 points in the Gallup polls!” She put the Force choke on homeboy but then she let him go when GRAND MOFF CHENEY told her to chill out.
DIRECTOR OF HOMELAND SECURITY MICHAEL CHERTOFF = MAJOR GENERAL MAXIMILLAN VEERS
Both characters rose to prominence from humble means and both are extremely intelligent and ambitious. VEERS curried favor with the Emperor by commanding the ground troops during the battle of Hoth. CHERTOFF will attempt to make his mark by thwarting Mexican day laborers from crossing the Rio Grande.
DIRECTOR OF HOMELAND SECURITY TOM RIDGE = HIGH GENERAL ULRIC TAGGE
GENERAL TAGGE would tell anyone that would listen to him that the Rebellion posed a serious threat to the Death Star. It turned out that he was right. Because protecting one’s arse is essential to survival you listen to people when they tell you that you are in danger. I believed TOM RIDGE even when the colors for the U.S. terrorist threat level began to resemble the rainbow flags in a Greenwich Village ‘PRIDE’ parade. The kicker came when I found myself buyings cases of duct tape and cellophaning my apartment. I wonder if TOM RIDGE is now on the board of directors at 3M?!?
ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT = ADMIRAL FIRMUS PIETT
The interesting connection between these two characters is that they can only make political advances by default when their supervisors are dead. ADMIRAL PIETT is continuously promoted when the Imperial Fleets’ commanding officers err and VADER terminates them in his special way. While he was an incumbent Senator, JOHN ASHCROFT lost a Senate election to a man who had died almost a month before the election! WTF?!? That’s my Bush.
NYC POLICE COMMISSIONER BERNARD KERIK = LIEUTENANT POL TRIEDUM
How many of you remember this Imperial Officer? He was one of those characters in the O.G. STAR WARS movie that you knew was created to be cast away. I consider him lucky to have even been given any lines to read. The BERNARD KERIK character seemed equally tragic when he was offered a position on the Beltway only to be shredded to pieces. It was so brutal that he couldn’t even go back to his job holding the umbrella for RUDY GIULIANI.
I. LEWIS ‘SCOOTER’ LIBBY Jr. = ADMIRAL KENDALL OZZEL
I always wondered how a guy named SCOOTER could be a Presidential advisor, but that thought has been rendered moot thanks to SCOOTER’s bumbling antics and duplicitous conduct regarding the leak of confidential information. ADMIRAL OZZEL was relieved of his duties by DARTH VADER with the classic movie quote…
“You are as clumsy as you are stupid”
FEMA DIRECTOR MIKE BROWN = CAPTAIN LORTH NEEDA
Just like CAPTAIN NEEDA, F.E.M.A. Director MIKE BROWN was overmatched in skill, wits and motivation. Everything was going well for ‘BROWNIE’ until that blasted Black bitch of a hurricane, Starrkeysha, blew through the Gulf Coast. Up until that point it had been just like the old frat boys days when DUBYA and BROWNIE called each other by their nicknames and shot their pistols up in the air. MIKE BROWN won’t even be a footnote in the history books, but his ineptitude will have reverberations for decades.
EXXON-MOBIL CEO LEE RAYMOND = JABBA THE HUTT
Physical similarities aside, both characters have an even closer resemblence in their attitudes. LEE RAYMOND is nefarious for playing on both sides of the court. Wasn’t Exxon (formerly Esso) guilty of selling oil to the Viet Cong during the Vietnam conflict?!? LEE RAYMOND essentially told the Senate to kiss his grits when he was questioned as to whether gas prices were artificially manipulated.
GENERAL ELECTRIC CEO JEFF IMMELT = BOBA FETT
In the STAR WARS universe, BOBA FETT may be the second most important character next to the Emperor. He has a significant role in both trilogies. The character is confident enough to make demands to DARTH VADER. In the sometimes real world that we all occupy JEFF IMMELT takes a seat to no one. GENERAL ELECTRIC is a multi-national weapons manufacturer as well as a global communications conglomerate. Basically, they can send a fighter jet to shoot you a brand new azzhole and then report it on an NBC affiliate’s evening news that some reederkuless blogger has gone ape shit.
