Archive for December, 2009

Marvel Studios Stays Winning…

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009


Even though the hairstylist for SCARLETT JOHANNSON didn’t nail the classic Black Widow hairdo, the idea of my WBM (white baby mama) in the Russian spy’s skintight bodysuit is deee fux’n lish.

Iron Man 2 can officially start taking a victory lap thru the multiplex parking lot right now.

I hope Tobey MacGuire makes a Spidey cameo at some point in this film. I will literally shit my pants and put the remains in empty Milk Duds boxes.


The Association’s Rolling Thunder…

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009


I fux with KEVIN DURANT [ll].

Get on this kid’s bandwagon early. He is the future of the Association. I can’t see the OKC Thunder being league champs because where the fux is OKC anyhoo, but Kevin Durant is a special player. Kevin Garnett special. And even smoother than KG. Durant has a wicked handle for a big man and ridiculous range.

Another reason I fux with Kevin Durant is because when he signed his deal with Nike directly out of college one of his requirements for his signature shoe was that it would have a midrange pricepoint. No, his shoes aren’t as cheap as the Starburys but if you play the streets like I do you might could come up on these joints for $40.


One of the Association’s latest fashion trends has been the compression sleeves that various players wear on their shooting arms. I know the league has a requirement for the amount of skin that MUST be visible for players. This is why the players can’t wear the pantyhose on both arms. You know Carmelo Anthony would wear pantyhose all over his body if David Stern would allow it.

The Association’s overall field goal percentage is down so where is the proof that these pantyhose help you shoot? Artis Gilmore never wore pantyhose on his arms. He did however wear tightpants. Artis Gilmore has the greawtest shooting percentage of all time. Kevin Durant does NOT wear pantyhose on his arms.

You can have your Showbean Bryant, I will fux with Kevin Durant.



Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

gordon voidwell

Hipsters unite! And also anyone that digs the funky good music. $5 on NYE?!? Sounds like a winner to me.

Grandma’s Hands…

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

great grandma

My great-grandma and my aunt…

My great-grandmother raised me when I was very young. My mom was a young mother who had dropped out of college and was recently divorced (Dallas, my biological father, was a drug addict and an alcoholic, but my mom tells me he was also a very good writer, hmmm). My mom left Dallas’ Harlem apartment and moved back into her grandmother’s basement.

It’s strange how the basements of our mother’s houses are strangely recuperative and good for helping us muster our focus for the future. While my mom got her shit together and returned to college her grandmother became my primary caregiver. I can remember her like it was yesterday that she spoke to me because in my mind it prA’li was.

I remember her food most of all. I still hold her scrambled eggs to the highest esteem. No one has since come close to her ability of softness without runniness. My great-grandma’s peanut butter sandwiches would be cut into four pieces so unbelievably symmetrical you would have to pull out a micrometer in order to detect a difference.

I don’t find any shame in returning to my mother’s basement because I know that it isn’t the proximity to the boilerroom that keeps me warm but the love that comes from being close to the old ladies.

lil darry

X-Mas MSG Mac Attack?

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

she mac

It’s not too late for me to wish a Christmas present present on the Knicks. The Greek Orthodoxy Christmas holiday and the hispanic Three Kings Day are still in front of us. I’m wishing that the Knicks trade diminutive dunk champ N8 Robinson for the Rockets oft-injured, tinman TRACY McGRADY.

I call Tracy the ‘Tinman’ because he has no heart. But he won’t need heart or the other characteristic he sorely lacks, defensive ability, under the current coaches scheme. Whereas McGrady lacks the toughness of an Allen Iverson, he does have a shot range second only to Kobe Bryant.

I know I shitted hard on the idea of Allen Iverson coming to the Garden. Mainly because I didn’t think his leadership was good for the Knicks lockerroom. I am throwing the idea of leadership against the wall now because I feel like the Knicks have a playoff glimmer in the watered down Eastern Conference.

So what if we end up lunchmeat to the Cavs, Celts or Magic? We’re playing out the string this season for 2010 right?


MRI reveals torn labia: The Tracy McGrady story

The best Tracy McGrady article evar via @EnigmatikBGDB