Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

SPAM, BITCHES!

Friday, May 19th, 2006

spam

What it do web cipher? I apologize to some of you if your comments haven’t been posted one hundred. It’s time for us to do some unexpected site maintenance to handle the traffic that is falling thru the seams. We will have our tech staffers like JACQUI HERNANDEZ get right on top of the issue. When she gets on top of something it always gets handled right. Nah’mean?!?

I call my baby P.U.S.S.Y.

Shouts to everybody that has been effing with us for the second quarter. We ain’t in the lead yet, but our offense is streaky like JOHN STARKS and it hasn’t been shooting its best. Otherwise, everything is still gravy in the Navy and we will be be back on this blog grizzly in a hot one with more of that internets crack that you be fiendin’ for. And don’t forget…

BLU CHEEZ IS FOR THE KIDS!

killa kid

NBA TIGHT PANTS REST IN PEACE SHOUT OUT

Friday, May 19th, 2006

young malik

The NBA playoffs are in full swing so I thought I could take a minute of your time to remind you of one of my favorite players to come out of St. John’s University. MALIK ‘SILKY’ SEALY was a credible college player and a reliable pro roundballer until his life was cut short by a drunk driver.

Bronx born, MALIK was the product of the NYC Catholic school system and I cheered for him when he decided to remain home to play college ball in New York City. This was the kind of character that MALIK represented throughout his life. He never lived as a ‘me first’ player, but he accepted the role when it was handed to him. MALIK was selected in the first round of the 1992 draft. In his eight years in the league he established his value as one of the players that you wanted on the floor in the waning minutes of a ball game.

fastbreak

MALIK was on his way home from a birthday party held for his then teammate KEVIN GARNETT when his car was hit by a vehicle moving in the opposite direction on the wrong side of the highway.

I like the possibility of KEVIN GARNETT coming to the Knicks in the off season. K.G. owes New York City biggtime since he is indirectly responsible for the loss of two of our beloved favorite sons, MALIK SEALY and CONRAD McCRAE.

Rest in peace my brothers. I will be cheering for y’all again when I get on the other side of the game.

mcnasty

The MATRIX vs. The DAVINCI CODE

Thursday, May 18th, 2006

miller ronin

Just as an aside, if you feel like enjoying some meta-retro-futuristic FRANK MILLER work pick up a copy of the graphic novel RONIN. Good times.

The Association has listened to you NBA 2K6 stans and will move to re-format the playoff games. The preliminary proposal doesn’t make the game as fun as the DP dot Com bracket, but we can always pray. Here is a second round matchup that we could have seen…

Phoenix Suns vs. Clevland Cavaliers
The league MVP against the clear MVP in the East, LeBRON JAMES. Actually the focus of the series will be SHAWN ‘The Matrix’ MARION and LeBRON ‘Young DaVinci Code’ JAMES. RAJA BELL and LARRY HUGHES are the co-stars.

matrix over mash

The Matrix was always an exciting player and with the addition of AMARE STOUDEMIRE and STEVE NASH to the Phoenix mix you thought there might be a new sheriff in the West. When the Suns are on full blast you had better wear your track shoes to the gym. The biggest problem for the Suns is that their high-octane offense is complimented by a low horsepower defense. The Suns give up a lot of shots and size to most teams in the league. They can get outrebounded, but they can’t be outrun.

Let’s take a look at the NIKE SHOX MTX worn by SHAWN ‘The Matrix’ MARION.

SHOX MTX

The Cleveland Cavaliers are a resourceful scrappy team. Not too many names that you would recognize on the back of a jersey, even though they have their own ‘Snow Man‘. It has been LeBRON JAMES mostly. His sneaker is called the NIKE AIR ZOOM LeBRON 3. He is one of the league’s bright stars and every year his game and countenance improves. The DaVinci Code refers to people that are direct descendant’s of histories most controversial jew (no, not LENNY BRUCE). LeBRON’s got the look of someone that could be from that Ethiopian/Eritrean region.

lebreeze

This is a fun series because the Cleveland team surprisingly likes to run the floor. LeBRON and LARRY HUGHES fill the wings up with their slashing and spot up shooting. When LARRY has to take a break from the team for his brother’s funeral Phoenix takes the advantage. When he returns to the team the tables are evened.

I like Phoenix in 7 games for this series and the deciding factor was the NIKE SHOX MTX. I pick their design over that of the NIKE ZOOM LeBRON III.

ZOOM LEBRON 3

HOE SIT DOWN!

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

magix

The thing I hate the most about the NBA Playoffs is when I have to listen to the post-game analysis from EARVIN JOHNSON. It’s like hearing Uncle Remus on prime time television. It wouldn’t upset me so much if EARVIN came into the studio dressed in cut up overalls and a straw hat.

JOHNSON is one of America’s wealthiest Black men yet with all of his money he refuses to hire a speech therapist. For crying out loud, EARVIN gives people lectures on managing their money. I wonder if he’s accompanied by a banjo player?

magix

There’s no banjo or washboard inside the Turner network studios. Instead we have to watch EARVIN butcher the English language when he stammers and stutters through polysyllabic words. I like MAGIC (nullus) and he was certainly one of the greatest players in the history of the Association, but there are tons of players that were capable on the court and can give a listenable, cogent breakdown of what is happening on the basketball court. When I have to listen to MAGIC and BARKLEY on the same telecast I lose my fucking mind.

MITCH ‘BLOOD’ GREEN: That Jig’s STILL Crazy

Tuesday, May 16th, 2006

blood

So on my way home to the edge of the planet(Long Island, NY) I rode the subway with professional boxing and street thug legend MITCH ‘Blood’ GREEN. MITCH has an engaging personality and when I called him “champ” he opened right up and kicked it with me.

MITCH was more famous for what he did outside the ring as much as for what he accomplished inside the ropes. When MITCH ran into MIKE TYSON one night after hours in Harlem, he suffered his greatest defeat. MIKE gave ‘Blood’ a bloody nose that required a few stitches for good measure. That was the beginning of the end for MITCH. He was managed by DON KING and advised by ROY INNIS. Both men conspired to defraud him of all his earnings. MITCH still had choice words for TYSON, but he doesn’t feel like calling him a homo anymore. Instead MITCH now just uses the word asshole. MITCH criticized TYSON’s expenditures and said that deserved to be broke if he is going to buy “lions, tigers and baboons.”

blood

The story of MITCH ‘Blood’ GREEN is still played out in the entertainment business. Soon I expect to be riding the subway with JIM JONES and TONY YAYO. Much props to MITCH GREEN. Too bad for him that DON KING runs this rap shit.