Archive for October, 2007

DP Dot Com Crime Scene Investigation

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

my name is earl

My name is Earl.

Nothing excites me more than the things that come from inside the human body. In this CSI episode we will try to figure out what caused the expulsion of so much nutritional proteins.

my name is earl

Closer inspection determines that this was probably a meal with chicken or turkey as the base and what appears to be some kind of red vegetable, possibly a habanero pepper or a tomato skin.

my name is earl

This event seems to have been caused by the victim’s choice of reading material.

my name is earl

‘Dirty Money’ by author ASHLEY JaQUAVIS. A jig lit classic along the lines of even the greatest CHESTER HIMES novels.

my name is earl

‘Scarface’ themed sneakers indicate that this victim lived the faux gansgter lifestyle head to toe.

my name is earl

This crime scene lends credence to the discussion that ‘Scarface’ is only favored by those without the good taste to appreciate quality PACINO films like ‘Dog Day Afternoon’.

my name is earl


Wednesday, October 31st, 2007


This drop is brought to you by Colt 45.

GABEROCKKA would argue that he isn’t my weedcarrier, but he and EON of the everlasting zoot do carry that good green white boy weed.


DOUBLE DEUCE?!?!?! I blame Hip-Hop.

Me and GABE were fucking around[ll] in Brooklyn a few weekends ago hitting up all the spots in Crown Heights (now called Prospect Heights) and Fort Greene (now called Clinton Hill). Gentrifying real estate agents rename these neighborhoods so as to confuse people into thinking that they won’t get mugged when they walk down the street on a mental lunch break. Trust me folks, this is STILL Brooklyn. You will still get mugged. Please believe it.

Be that as it may, it doesn’t stop us from having a good time. DP x GABEROCKKA + Colt 45 + collie bud = Where the ladies at? If you’re hitting up these Brooklyn streets this weekend, here’s how I would rate the scene.


First stop: Brooklyn Museum of Art – First Saturdays is always filled with art whore cutie pies wearing high heels and sipping white wine. RICH MEDINA was spinning this night so there was an even better mix of trendies coming through. Never a cover charge and if you do like I do with my flask you will be a winner every time.
Atmosphere: 10/10 (Free museum + foxy ladies)
Music: 7/10 (Rich Medina is really good. The Hillbilly Jazz band? Not so much.)
Ladies: 10/10 (College educated, disease free with decent jobs. Single man jackpot)


Second stop: Ripple Bar on Washington Avenue – What is up with ME not being served for like fifteen minutes?!? Let me find out that SYRON went Hollywood.
Atmosphere: 6/10 (Typical local B.K. spot. Drew from Island Records gets the red carpet. Billy X. Sunday? Not so much.)
Music: 6/10 (Imagine bringing your radio into a bar and playing the Funkmaster Flex show.)
Ladies: 6/10 (Hoodrats and bar skanks that don’t dance.)


Third stop: Soda Bar on Vanderbilt Avenue – This is a funny spot because they occupy two spaces and their crowd remains segregated. The back room spins the hot shit while the front room plays some honky tonk crap for the area’s newest residents.
Atmosphere: 6/10 (Racially segregated Saturday night partying = so 1957.)
Music: 5/10 (Pretty good on the jig side. The other side? Not so much.)
Ladies: 6/10 (Pretty good on the honky tonk side. The jig side? Meh.)


Fourth Stop: Habana Outpost on Fulton Street – Bathroom break.
Atmosphere: 7/10 (I took a dump here.)
Music: 4/10 (Someone’s CD collection centered around 2001)
Ladies: 6/10 (I took a dump here and I didn’t bother to look anyone in the face.)


Fifth stop: Frank’s Cocktail Lounge on Fulton Street – Franks has been here for forever, ever, ever, ever, ever. I been to brown bag parties at this bar the spot is so ‘hood. With Fulton Street going upscale now even Franks has a velvet rope in front of the door, but don’t be dissuaded. Your ass will get in as long as you pay that five dollar cover.
Atmosphere: 1/10 (What a dump!? It’s beautiful.)
Music: 10/10 (You would be surprised at who spins here some nights on the humble.)
Ladies: 10/10 (‘Hood rats that like to dance close on every song.)


For those of you going out tonight have a fun and safe Halloween.


Wednesday, October 31st, 2007


Vampire Hunter D isn’t your traditional Halloween night movie. It’s more along the lines of future fantasy. VHD is ultra-Japanese manga animation similar to the Wind Ninja Chronicle. The fact that even after twenty years it is still regarded as one of the greatest manga movies is proof of its cult classic status.

The Vampire Hunter D exists in the far future when vampires have nearly supplemented the human race on Earth after a nuclear holocaust. D is what is called a Dhampir. He is a hybrid of human and vampire genetics. The half human, half vampire hybrids are the perfect vampire killers because they have the strength and intelligence to rival the fearsome killing machines.

D roams the planet as somewhat a ronin and a mercenary. Like all the best westerns there is the code of the single solitary gunslinger who lives alone to die alone. Vampire Hunter D is such an achievement because it is so well written, but what is even more outstanding is its artwork.

YOSHITAKA AMANO is the artist that designed the characters for Vampire Hunter D. AMANO worked in Japanese animation since the early 1960’s and he was an artist for the old Speed Racer cartoons. He is the father to the style of one of my favorite artists, BILL SIENKIEWICZ. I love the way he uses light, darkness and shadows to define his characters. AMANO reached mainstream acclaim through his design of the Final Fantasy project. Here’s a link to some of AMANO’s sketches.

YOSHITAKA AMANO art gallery.



Wednesday, October 31st, 2007


True story is that this chick is really a chick.

Albeit, she is chopped so bad you’d think her mommas vagina had Ginsu lips, but she is still a chick.

Is it any wonder Ne-Yo would grab up the most mannish broad in the club?

I mean, if there wasn’t any better looking broads in the spot then make the two-finger peace sign and keep it moving.



I get your irony.

Your like the Carrot Top of Watts.

And had you slipped on wet flooring in the restrooms during the taping of the BET awards and accidentally choked yourself to death I STILL would have found a way to blame your death on the white man.


“One day soon you will all learn that OPRAH WINFREY is a hermaphrodite.” -(c)Brother Ern

^ greatest comment. evar.

Watching NetFlix? Yes. Blood Sucking? Not So Much…

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007


CASIMIR NOZKOWSKI is the man behind the lens for the iNternets Celebrities. Thank goodness for him he puts in more work than just the i.C.’s or ol’ boy wouldn’t even have carfare. One of CAZ’ latest projects is the internets based film series called ‘Blood Brothers’. It’s the story of two slacker vampire roommates just trying to get by and get high with some help from their friends. Think of this as BRAM STOKER meets ‘Three’s Company’.

Here’s a look at webisodes 1 thru 4 for your Hallows Eve viewing pleasure…


Hahahahahahahahahaha -cough- hahahahahahahahahaha