Watching the historic Patriots versus Giants tilt last night with the ladies was an interesting affair. The ladies were amazed at all the different commercials for beer and also erectile dysfunction medication. Women, being smarter than us, pointed out that if men didn’t consume so much beer in the first place they prah’lee wouldn’t end up needing E.D. pills when they wanted to “put in some work”.
That’s the biggest problem with women. They use logic for shit. If we men used logic do you think the planet would be ticking as loudly on its current doomsday clock? Do you think the U.S. would be at war with everyone? Hell, do you think G DUBBZ would even be president? Hell nahh. The ladies then raised a serious point. With all of these pills to aid the pitcher (no ROGER CLEMENS), why aren’t there any medications to help the catchers? Hmmm? The ladies do have a point there.
Like with anything nowadays that corporations want to sell to people, it doesn’t matter so much what product or service they deliver, as much as the marketable name of that product or service. Consumers are far too savvy to accept anything from ACME Mfg Co. anymore. Only Wile E. Coyote fucks with that shit. American consumers want products with sexy marketing campaigns and punchy slogans and product names.
The easy part for us was in developing the pills that allow catchers to shine (no MIKE PIAZZA). The hard part (puns always intended at DP Dot Com) was coming up with a product name and tagline to help us sell this crap. Here is a look at some of the proposed product names…
Vidalis – GORE VIDAL was a well documented catcher. Be like him.
Chutamine – Keeping the chute free and clear.
Rectalia – Too obvious. Wal-Mart pharmacies won’t carry it, but the Canadian black market that supplies heartland America is BOOMING.
Colonase – This one was rejected for the above reasons and also because it started to sound like Colonease, and then Colonize…
Bhungolitane. – Nahhh.
Tailpipex – We felt like we were onto something, plus it was after midnight and we were all drunk.
Then the muse came down to us…
Help your tight end catch more balls.
Glaxxo SmithKline!?! Get on this, stat.