Archive for July, 2006

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MTV Doesn’t Care About Black Titties…

Monday, July 31st, 2006

mz jackson

In what is surely some additional T.I. conspiracy it has been alleged that MTV has placed a moratorium on playing JANET JACKSON’s new music videos because of the controversy that stemmed from the Super Bowl halftime show that THEY produced some two odd years ago.

I picked up this story while visiting my cuzzin from another luvin, FRESHALINA (Crunk + Disco). This seems crazy to me since MTV staged the whole damn production in the first place, but since they and JUSTINA TIMBERLAKE have been allowed to back away from any culpability I guess JANET will have to take this one on the chin again.

BTW, did y’all know that MISS JACKSON likes to take them on her chin frequently?!?

Who wants to bet that she is pegging J.D.?

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, C.R.E.A.M., Ghetto Celebs | 5 Comments »

How Do You Spell Love? F.L.A.V.A.

Monday, July 31st, 2006

grilly grill

True story is that I wasn’t fucking with the wild minstrel nonsense of BOBBY BROWN or FLAVOR FLAV. One weekend in the A at my cousin JINGERSNAPS crib, she and her husband had me watching the ‘Flavor of Love’ marathon. That shiite was Ridiculon 9000. FLAV is a clown in the best sense of the word and when that chick spat on that broad it was like the best television I had ever watched.

My feelings about Viacom Corp. aside (I would take an open ass shit in their lobby), I will have to tune into the new season of ‘Flavor of Love’ just to see if another bum azz bitch breaks through for her own 15 minutes like your girl, NIKKI ‘HOOPZ’ ALEXANDER.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs | 3 Comments »

LIFESTYLES OF THE BROKE AND ANONYMOUS

Monday, July 31st, 2006

finders

I hate the New York Times, but I have to read the New York Times in order to know what white is cooking up for my azz in the near future. The New York Times honors the age old tradition of faux liberal, closet conservative propaganda machines by using fancy new terms to describe the conditions of poverty and disenfranchisement.

All across America it seems that urban centers are no longer places where traditional middle class families can exist. The center city has become a playground for the wealthy while the poorest remain to serve them. If you look at any third world country’s economic infrastructure you can see this same dynamic. The educated and skilled people that would be a legitimate middle class find that the country is not economically viable to sustain them so they emigrate (usually to the U.S.). Do you know how many people here are working in menial jobs but hold graduate degrees and professional licenses in other countries? I think about the African woman working as a health care aid in America who is a doctor when she is back in Ghana. Or the Indian man who goes from being an engineer to a taxicab driver once he comes to America.

The Times recently published this article titled ‘Cities Shed Middle Class, and Are Richer and Poorer for It’. The article describes the vanishing of a residential middle class component from the large urban centers. It instead opines that the middle class have not been pushed out or priced out from these cities but have decided to relocate to the suburbs. GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERE!?! No one considers a two-way two hour commute as a trade up on their quality of life. I realize that I have been priced out of my city by the greedy land owning developers who have used the media to advertise NYC as some magical playground where stylishly dressed white women walk the streets at all hours.

(note to readers: Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. It’s still NYC, and if you get caught lunchin’…)

(add’l note to readers: Even though almost 50yr old SARAH JESSICA PARKER is married to the coolest white of all-time, Ferris Bueller, she still doesn’t rate as a M.I.L.F.)

Before I get too off topic let me tell you what caused me to nearly jump out of the window. In the first linked Times article, the writer quotes W. MICHAEL COX, the chief economist of the Federal Reserve Bank in Dallas…

“Firefighters who want to live in high-priced cities can work two jobs. I think it’s great, because it gives you portfolio diversification in your income.”

WTWTF?!? It would have to be a BUSH Administration appointee who is so out of touch with reality that he thinks a firefighter should work two jobs because the real estate costs are too accelerated for him to afford to live on just a firefighters salary.

At some point we are just going to have to ‘Eat The Rich’

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval | 10 Comments »

DALLASPENN.COM: From Ashy To Classy

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

H.A.M.

I have to thank everyone that has helped me to make this month one of the greatest times of my personal journey on this planet. I’m approaching my breakthough steadily and vey determinedly. I feel like visiting my therapist stat just to tell her my good news, but as my old Earth has always warned me, “Don’t jump the gun.” I have to curtail my anxiety lest my impatience overtake my progress and promote a setback. I have a lot of work to do in a very small window of time. I hope that you will stay around to watch the process.

moeshamuppet

I need to bid a warm welcome to all of the first time viewers that have found this blog via the Ghetto Big Mac video that was produced by RAFI @ Oh Word! and myself. Even though we aren’t getting a plug nickel for producing the clip we still had a lot of fun making the video and you can expect to see some more ‘instructional’ video clips by us in the near future. Here at DALLASPENN.COM we take a similiar irreverent tack to discussing relevant issues in and around the world. I’ve set up a few links to posts on this site that will familiarize you with our style of commentary. I assume that we all know to click the area of text that is highlighted in order to open the link. Anyhoo…

If you are a devoted Hip-Hop fan please click the link here and take a look at how rap music is closely related to the Star Wars universe.

It’s not just rap music that has been influenced by the Force, but also American politricks as well, particularly the BUSH Administration.

Star Wars is a lot of fun, but not so much when you consider all of the men and women in our armed forces that are essentially clone troopers stuck in a remote Tatooine desert surrounded by angry Sand People. Okay, enough Star Wars references.

cash rules everything around me

Here is a quick and handy guide to keeping score of the Middle East ‘Race to Allah’ tournament.

You do realize that listening to rap music now only requires the intellect of a six year old?

kids

One of my favorite features on this site was the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling contest. Imagine for a moment if you would, mashing the television shows ‘America’s Next Top Model’ and ‘America’s Most Wanted’…

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 2)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 3)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 4)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS: THE FINALS

Even though the roundball season has recently climaxed it’s easy to look back on some of the season’s lighter moments. The NBA Tight Pants series pays homage to a time when there were several many balls visible on a pro basketball court. No ‘Juwanna Man’ to these posts.

NBA TIGHT PANTS G.O.A.T. SCORER
NBA TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR GAME
NBA GULLY TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR MVP
NBA TIGHT PANTS SLAM DUNK CHAMPION

kids

The website isn’t always about jokes because we live in a world where real things happen to real people on a daily basis. We wish that education was as much of a priority for politicians as demonizing the disenfranchised seems to be. Early this year a young girl named NIXZMARY BROWN was killed and the mainstream media erected one of their temporary wailing walls.

Since I’m just a high school dropout I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, but I’m not afraid to ask the tough questions, and when I don’t have a clue I know that I can rely on one the people on this list to help straighten me out.

Taking life one day at a time has been made measurably more easy for me becaue of the friends I have met on the blogosphere. There is a wonderful collective brain that exists on the internets. It is passionately frivolous, liberally conservative, emotionally available and just plain reeederkuloss. I hope that I never lose my cyberspace Brigadoon. There is no way in my mind that I could create all of the imaginary friends on my link list.

lawd h.a.m. mercy

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, Separated @ Birth, Social Upheaval | 11 Comments »

BILLY SUNDAY’s LATE NITE FUNK FLIX

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

hardbody

O.K. Party people. Enough of that soft core 1980’s R & B that your parents probably used as background music to make your azzes. It’s time to go hard to the rim.

Nullus to that last comment.

Oh, so you think your gangster?!?

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Straight Laced | 1 Comment »

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