Archive for May, 2014

X-Men Days Of Future Past…

Monday, May 26th, 2014

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Right on the heels of the tragic Dark Phoenix saga Chris Claremont and John Byrne spun this tale of a dystopic America which was administered by the revived Sentinels. All mutants had been apprehended and placed in concentration camps or slaughtered by the Sentinels.

A last rogue band of the remaining X-Men attacked the Sentinel nerve center to tragic results. And so the story ended, or at least that’s what we thought.

We first came to see the Sentinels as they were conceived by the scientist Bolivar Trask. Trask programmed the Sentinels to obliterate all mutants but he never imagined what this prime directive might lead to. Cyclops was able to reach the MasterMold, the head Sentinel and convince it the only way to stop humanity was to stop the Sun which gives all life to Earth.

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X-Men-V1-58

X-Men-by-Neal-Adams-cover-demonstration

Roy Thomas and Neal Adams were the writer artist team for the above pictured X-Men issues. The Thomas Adams run was legendary but it still couldn’t save the title from being cancelled. The X-Men was brought back off the dust heap in the nid-1970s with a whole new team and a whole new energy.

Meyhem Lauren: Silk Pyramids

Saturday, May 24th, 2014

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Meyhem Lauren has been going hard in the booth since we last heard a full length project from the young Queens lord. Last year’s ‘Raw Cashmere’ EP, done alongside the producer Ice Rocks found Meyhem Lauren cleanly in the boom bap backpack vein. The beats and the rhymes were perfect for wearing contractor Timbs and headphones for head nodding. That’s dope for an EP project but ‘Silk Pyramids’ is a full length album and much more is expected from Meyhem Lauren at this stage in his catalog.

Buckwild DITC comes thru on the production like a sage mentor to provide a soundbed of dope music a young hardbody emcee would love to rhyme over. I look at Buckwild like a Cadillac DeVille of the beats. Smooth and steady beats that give you a controlled ride even on top of uneven asphalt. Buckwild’s drums are on point and a welcome sound for rap music in 2014. There’s been so much rap in my recent memory without drum kits present I was wondering if we would ever hear the snare again in Hip-Hop.

Meyhem Lauren doesn’t come to the album without bringing his rap friends either. Longtime co-defendant Action Bronson, former DasRacist heartthrob Himanshu, XXL Freshman Troy Ave, Lo-Life general Thirstin’ Howl 3rd, and Outdoorman AG da Coroner are all spitting the bars like this was their project and not a feature for their big homey. Himanshu and Coroner’s verses stand out as gems to me even from dudes who I’ve heard from for the last several years. AG da Coroner’s debut album is another highly anticipated project on my 2014 list.

Meyhem Lauren is justifiably part of the NYC rap renaissance I’ve been waiting for since Wu-Tang phased out and the Diplomats flamed out. Meyhem has kept improving his verses so that he isn’t outshined by Action Bronson or outclassed by Troy Ave. Listening to Action on a DITC soundbed reminded me of Big L and the wit he displayed with his verses. Then I thought to myself how Meyhem Lauren along with Action Bronson was the second coming of Lord Finesse and Big L. Just like Finesse on the microphone was a master lyricist I see Meyhem having that much dedication to his words and verses.

My favorite track on the album is ‘Honey Sorbet Champagne’. Buckwild murders the music and Meyhem str8 decapitates with his verses. ‘Salmon Croquettes’ with AG da Coroner’s feature is serious Hip-Hop. The keys from Buckwild and Coroner’s appearance guarantee Meyhem will use this as funeral music. If you ever needed an anthem to get you hype for a stickup then ‘Where The $ @’ is your jam. Peace to Thirstin’ Howl on that sick ass verse. Himanshu and Meyhem trade verses on ‘Narcotics Anonymous’ and I live for Meyhem’s ad-libs at the song’s end. ‘100 MPH’ opens the album and also features Action Bronson. Nuff’ said.

Don’t take any of this hyperbole from me on face value. Stream these three(3) tracks from the album right here and right now. NYC rap ain’t making a comeback because it never left. #RespectTheFlyShit



GHETTO CELEB MATHEMATICS IS FOR THE CHILDREN…

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

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Editor’s note: Happy New Chea Internets. Have you ever paid your prA’Li tuition even once? Why? You don’t respect the learning we give here at dP.com?

Did any of you folks hear the great news last week? New York City kids have seen increases in the scores from their math proficiency exams. In some cases these increases are in the double digits. Meanwhile, some of the most dramatic gains have been made by “historically underacheiving schools in impoverished neighborhoods“. If the New York Times printed this then it must be the truth. The sad part for me is that nowhere in the NYTimes article was DP Dot Com singled out for introducing their evolutionary ‘Ghetto Celeb Mathematics’ formula to the children of the center city.

What should I expect anyhoo? When we first dropped ‘G.C.M.’ only a handful of readers gave it any props. Well, guess what? “Ghetto Celeb Mathematics’ works. It’s just like phonics, but it’s more fun and you can be functionally illiterate and still learn math. By using celebrities in place of abstract and boring numerals kids are able to make the connection for real life values. Some kids don’t already know that 1 + 1 = 2, but every child understands that PARIS HILTON (x) an eight ball of cocaine = 45 days in jail.

Try some ‘G.C.M.’ problems for yourself and tell me if this isn’t the best thing invented since the air-conditioned car seat.

busta

The personnel relationship skills of IDI AMIN when multiplied by ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’s human growth hormones equals Busta Rhymes

k-fed

The reproductive tendencies of a rabbit plus the common sense of a pugnus dressed in a tuxedo yields KEVIN FEDERLINE

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The violently unpredictable mindset of a Tasmanian devil when subtracting the class and classic beauty of PAM GRIER results in the violently unpredictable mindset of rapper Foxy Brown

t-pain

When you multiply the shrill soundscape of a robot pimp with Chicago Bear TANK JOHNSON’s mugshot hairstyle models portfolio picture your product becomes singer(ahem) T-Pain

lil wang

RuPaul’s addiction to painkilling pills divided by TRINA’s addiction to pulling down her pants and kissing men on the lips named Baby or Daddy leaves you with a remainder named Lil’ Wang

KEVIN DURANT IS THE NEW KING…

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

I stayed up ’til 5am watching the encore presentation of the Oklahoma City Thunder visiting the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. The atmosphere in the Garden was electric. Tracy McGrady was making his Garden debut along with Eddie House. Kevin Durant was in town with the Thunder. I should have gone to the Garden and scalped a ticket for this tilt. It ended up being one of this season’s classic contests.

The Knicks battled well with the Thunder all game long. They even had a lead at several points throughout the game including the final seconds of regulation play. That is when Kevin Durant sent the Garden faithful back into their seats for an overtime period. The Thunder needed a three point play to tie the game and put an overtime period into the books. Durant hit the contested shot straight and true. When I tell you he is the best player in the league right now I am not bullshitting you. Kevin Durant is the new King. BERNARD KING.

Bernard King is my favorite Knick of all time alongside Patrick Ewing. There was not a shot in the Garden that Bernard wouldn’t take, AND make. He was a forward with quickness and body control and a killer instinct. Bernard King used to wear Larry Bird’s ass out [ll] on the regular. Bernard used to wear everyone in the league’s ass out [ll] for that matter. Standing at 6-9 you could not guard him with a taller player. I remember watching Ralph Sampson attempt to guard Bernard and dude was looking like a mannequin as ‘Nard moved around him like a slalom gate. If you were shorter than Bernard he would just shoot over the top of your head like it wasn’t no thing.

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The only thing that did stop Bernard was his body. He tore his ACL and missed playing with Ewing during his rookie campaign. If Bernard had been healthy the Knicks with him and Ewing would have made New York jump like Rod Strickland. When I watched Kevin Durant play last night it was like watching the second coming of Bernard King. Durant can get his shot off anywhere on the floor. He can put the ball down on the floor and penetrate to the rim[ll]. Mainly, he can finish plays with a score. I’m calling him the MVP this season. Fux a LeBron.

The advantage that Durant has over my Brooklyn hero King is that Durant plays better defense on the ball. Last night Durant was matched up at times against Tracy McGrady (who found the bottom of the net quite often as well), but mostly against Wilson Chandler who was terribly overmatched by the league’s most dynamic player. Just wait until Durant starts going on those 40point streaks. Bernard would have a week or two of those. Just torching whichever teams came to MSG. I’m rooting for Kevin Durant to have as much success and more for his career. Word to Walt Whitman Houses and the King brothers from Fort Greene.

the king

The CHUCKSTER…

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

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Happy Birthday Charles Barkley!

Back in the days in a time before lockouts. Long before every high school junior had to sign paperwork that declared he would be returning to complete his high school diploma and not opting out for the NBA draft. Well before the All Star game was synonymous with the police blotter. Way before 7pts per game, 7 boards and 7 turnovers could still earn you 7 figures. There was the CHUCKster.

For every bald-headed, over-priced-sneaker-wearin’, baggy-short-sportin’, number 23 wanna-be, there was the anti-JORDAN. Slightly rotund (read: fat), vertically challenged ballers had found their hero. He wore #34 for the Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers. He was more real than anyone swimming in DAVID STERN’s primetime fishbowl. CHARLES BARKLEY represented more of the American ideal than any politician since JOHN F. KENNEDY.

He had a smile that could outshine MAGIC’s. A work ethic that would exhaust LARRY BIRD. I will even place one of BARKLEY’s trademark ‘coast-to-coast, snatch rebouund from taller power forward or center, break out into dribble with behind the back crossover into explosive two hand flush with hang on rim swing’ over anything from the Jumpman. Well… almost anything, except for the baseline headfake on STARKS and OAK to the super rise flush on EWING’s flattop followed by the “nigga please” stareback. Even JORDAN fans had to admit that the CHUCKster represented that night in Detroit when he and LAIMBEER got down for the crown and went toe to toe.

My favorite season for SIR CHARLES was not that year when he first came to Phoenix. That’s when everybody else discovered how special his game was and he won the league MVP. I remember a few years prior in Philly, it was the 91-92 season. BARK was always one of the top five in scoring, rebounding and field goal percentage and this season there was a semblance of a cast to hold him down. At the point was MAURICE ‘MO’ CHEEKS, a cagey veteran. JOHNNY DAWKINS at the two. The frontcourt was filled, and I mean filled by BARK and former Piston RICK MAHORN.

BARK said that he was happy when Philly signed RICK from DETROIT because now he didn’t have the fattest ass in the lockerroom. At center was the inhuman shot blocker, 7′-6″ MANUTE BOL. BOL actually hit four treys in one game because BARK was telling him to shoot it. The sixth man of this fun team was the pre-VERNON MAXWELLIAN character SEDALE THREATT. SEDALE was just like JORDAN, but without the ‘J’. These misfits rumbled into the Eastern Conference semis and found themselves up against a Chicago Bulls team in the middle of their first dynasty.

It didn’t matter to me so much what the final outcome was (read: swept). BARKLEY’s presence in the postseason was all of the validity that I needed to appreciate my own special game. If CHARLES never gets his elusive title he should still receive some kind of plaque for letting all the ballers in double-extra-large drawls believe they can fly.