Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

JAY-Z Is For The Children…

Friday, June 23rd, 2006

separated at birth

And just when I thought that SHAWN CARTER was another long name for the word shitbag I fell thru my people’s site called Start Snitching dot com and I saw this headline that said JAY-Z gave $30,000 to six public schools.

I have to hold back all of the praise because it also turns out that the multi-billionaire Jiggerman isn’t giving each each school $30k, but he is splitting that amount amongst the six schools.

Considering it costs about $40 grand to buy out the bar at the 40/40 Club I guess JAY-Z is telling the kids to have a drink on him.

Roc-A-Fella y’all

Fat Bastard Status For Under $5

Friday, June 23rd, 2006

billy sunday

This post is for all of you cats that can’t afford a bottle of Cristal, but you still want to ball out on your broke azz budget. BILLY SUNDAY is here for you player.

sugar blast

First off, hit up the A-rab deli for two bottles of Tropical Fantasy. They are 2 for .99cent. There used to be a ‘hood rumor that Tropical Fantasy was run by the Klan and it was designed to make Blacks sterile. They give you over 32grams of sugar for every 8 fluid ounces so that adds up to more that one fluid ounce of this beverage being high fructose corn syrup. I am not just going to be sterile but I will have diabetes in another month.

sugar blast

The next step is to go to Mickey Dee’s and order two double cheeseburgers and one small size fries. That is $3.25 in most parts of the world(NYC). Make sure that you tell the cashier that you want your sandwiches on the seeded bread (‘quarter bun’ is the heavy user lingo). After you have paid for your sandwiches is when you should ask the cashier to have the cooks put some Big Mac sauce on your sandwiches. Up until recently Mickey Dees never charged for this condiment, but lately they have been charging up to .25cent per sandwich. The way I beat this is by paying first and requesting the sauce afterward. Make sure you tell the cashier to cancel the ketchup. You don’t want any other condiments ruining the taste of your Big mac sauce.

sugar blast

Remove all of the french fries from the bag and place them on your tray in size order. Place the larger fries (potentaters) to the side whilst you nibble on the small fries (minutaters). Arrange the large fries inside your sandwich in between the two patty layers. Enjoy.

sugar blast

Yeah, this is one tasty sandwich, but if you really want to eat like a king lard ass then nothing beats a beer-battered, deep-fried, bacon double quarter pounder.

N.Y.C. High Schoolers Getting More Stupiderer…

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

getting dumb

I blame myself. While I sit here and debate which crapper is going to bring New York City back to the forefront of rap music with their fallacious tales of crack sales, there has been a whole generation of kids here in the city falling through the real cracks. There should be alarms going off when the greatest city on the planet can’t graduate more than 40% of its high school population.

I understand that there should be a percentage of kids who just aren’t built for the social promotion that New York City has classically administered, I am one of them, but to lose almost two thirds of your student body is shameful. It guarantees a generation of kids will grow up to be nothing more than the shit shovelers and street cleaners for this faux glitzy town.

All I see are new condominiums being developed in some of the formerly most neglected neighborhoods that the city has. We are spending millions and billions of dollars to attract IKEA and Crate & Barrel to open up megastores and shopping malls. These megaplexes will be staffed by NYC dropouts. This allows the corporations that own these businesses to pay these people a pittance, but it also screws the consumer when customer service is important. This city is split right down the middle now with people that can afford to pay a million dollars to live in a building that prostitues and pimps used to piss on and the rest of us, jockeying for the discarded cardboard box to the high-end Miele refrigerator.

In case you had any bright ideas I am going to put my refrigerator box near the park.

billy sunday

The Big Bang Bricks

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006

bigbang

This is actually far from the truth as BUSTA RHYMES scores his first #1 debut on the SoundScan charts. After begrudgingly listening to the album and noticing that there were several tracks that could be official bangers I realized the singular greatest truism for rap music. If your beats are done by Dr.DRE then you can’t be stopped.

This makes me think that GAYME’s next release will have some fire too.

JAY-Z Doesn’t Care About Prosecco

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006

jay

The big story last week was when an executive from the Louis Roderer brand of liquer products was quoted or misquoted as saying that all Hip-Hop fans could do for him is “buy his champagne and shine his shoes.” For some reason this touched off a maelstrom of faux political concern over here in the States. Was this executive being racist? Why wouldn’t he want his brand of champagne associated with people throwing wads of dollars into the air at a strip club? Again, why wouldn’t this executive want his brand regarded as the best champagne for pouring all over a woman’s body?!? KIMORA LEE SIMMONS even uses it as bath water.

What the executive was actually lamenting is the fact that champagne is losing its cache as a high brow luxury item. People are doing everything with it other than drinking it. This executive pines away for the days when champagne was sipped and the ‘other’ knew their place. So guess who comes to the rescue to save the day for all of the jigs who are confused on what booze to conspicuously consume? The capitalist’s machines number #1 prophet for profit – JIGGERMAN. The word from the mount(Universal’s offices at WorldWide Plaza) is that Blacks are now instructed to buy KRUG and Dom Perignon. Thank you oh great JAY-Z for your benevolent wisdom.

jigger

Who the fuck cares?!? Who the fuck cares what champagne you serve in YOUR nightclubs. All champagne must be imported from the same region in France (or else it can’t be called champagne). So if someone had a problem with Blacks, chances are his neighbor feels the same way. Don’t get it twisted and act like the Cristal people anf the KRUG folks don’t bring their kids to same school for ‘gifted youngsters’. How about going away from France altogether and bigging up prosecco? That’s Italian sparkling wine for the uninitiated. Peach nectar and prosecco is called a ‘Bellini’ and believe me, it knocks the socks off any mimosa.

Forget about buying shit anyhoo. JAY-Z wants to tell me what booze to spend my money on and OPRAH wants to tell the ladies that it’s okay to buy a trillion dollar Hermes handbag. Both of these clowns get enough swag to fit out their whole entourages while the rest of us have to pay the inflated prices to cover for all of the freebies. I’m waiting for the day that JAY-Z tells me how I can become a millionaire when I’m spending money like a sieve on all the tchotkes he’s hocking.

the boys