Archive for the ‘Jig Lit Review’ Category

ROOSEVELT WASHINGTON JACKSON LINKING

Sunday, September 17th, 2006

jackson

I will bet any of you there is a Black man with this name somewhere in America.

This might be a lazy Sunday for the people at DP dot com, but there are folks out there grinding on this bloggy shit like it’s getting them some of that good white girl P.U. That JESSICA SIMPSON snatch, nah’mean?!? If JESSICA SIMPSON doesn’t do it for you then just insert the foxyest piece of white tail that you know. Yup, that’s the best thing that a Black man can ever hope for. Some sweet milky meat from the master’s house. Now y’all got me off my topic which is to highlight some of the dudes that aren’t taking any days off on their blog grizzly.

JEROME BAKER
is a number #1 tastemaker and bird gang fly guy. Better Than Yours isn’t just his brand, it’s his lifestyle.

SPLIFF HUXTABLE
is one of the blog world’s best kept secrets. He proves that being a Hip-Hop connoisseur doesn’t mean that you have to be a cornball. His instrumental drops have my iPod on smash.

UNKUT dot com is one of the first real Hip-Hop fansites that didn’t suck and didn’t pander to any of the trends in rap music (except weedcarrying). Years from now I exprect ROBBIE to be a professor emeritus at Brown, Dartmouth or Cornell giving his lectures on long forgotten tracks like the joint from my cousin Slade Savage.

The Assimilated Negro
might be the funniest site on the internets if you love snark and triple-entendre. It might also be one of the sites next to Jimi Izrael that I will openly credit for having better writing than mine on the regulack.

AMADEO SOGNI is one of the sites that I share a kindred friendship with (no Siegfried & Roy). He always manages to excavate the best YouTube clips from Adult Swim. Plus he is the only other cat on these internets that knows how to pick up a lady at a free concert and the name of the company that manufactures T.I.E. fighters.

NERDS UNITE!!!

The U.K. Needs To Start Snitching…

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

badboys

How pervasive is the Hip-Hop ethos that reduced providing information to the police as something that should never be done? Things aren’t just in full swing here in America, but also in the United Kingdom. Word to ISRAEL RAMIREZ.

The linked story here deals with the tragedy that a mother faces when one of her children is incarcerated and another is taken from her by the angry streets. She makes a desperate plea on the television for someone in the community with information to provide it to the investigators. What this poor woman doesn’t realize is by doing that the person will be labeled forever as not being Hip-Hop. The kids in the U.K. have their priorities fixed.

The bigger story that this one above and this one here are pointing to is the rise in gun violence by young people. FREAKONOMICS taught me that the real reason that the U.S. experienced a drop in crime nationwide during the late 1990’s was due to a marked dip in the birthrate during the late 1970’s. Less kids born in 1980 means less 20yr olds in 2000. Increased access to contraceptives and even abortion meant that there were less children being born to parents who probably didn’t want them and subsequently would not be good care providers. Typically, those are the parents that most violent criminals come from.

It seems like a generalization, but that is essentially what statistics provide you with – general information. You can draw the conclusions where you see fit. The one thing is certain is that America has watched birthrates soar in the 1990’s (mostly the immigrant population) and we needed to build more schools to accomodate these kids. The next question becomes whether or not we need to build more prisons.

Primary Day 2006: The Usual Suspects

Tuesday, September 12th, 2006

hill street blues

It’s all fun and games right now for Senator HILARY CLINTON who is up for re-election this term. Her primary opponent is a T.I. blogger from Texas via Tel Aviv named JONATHON TASINI. You have probably never heard of TASINI, but I give him props for calling CLINTON a pro-war candidate for president. None of the trademark blogger snarkiness will do him any good at the polls though. CLINTON cruises like a brand new Cadillac.

HILARY has got her race in the bag so icy she can hang out and watch ELIOT SPITZER railroad THOMAS SUOZZI in the Dem party nod as gubernatorial candidate for November. I am a registered Republican and I am giving Deputy Governor RANDY DANIELS my vote. Despite the fact that dude has been ‘blacked out’ by the press he might still have a surprise in store for JOHN FASO. Yeah, O.K. Prah’lee not.

In other New York state elections, former police officer and founder of ‘100 Blacks in Law Enforcement Who Care’, ERIC ADAMS is putting his bid in for a state Senate seat. Dude is representing Crown Heights, Prospect Park East, Flatbush and Bed-Stuy. Basically, the ‘hood. Mr. ADAMS number one platform point is to return money into educational programs and away from prison construction. For this reason alone I need Brooklyn to get behind him. Nullus.

The biggest race for Brooklyn will be the one for the House of Representatives seat that MAJOR OWENS is vacating. This was the Congressional post also held by the great SHIRLEY CHISHOLM. I would very much like to see history realize itself once again by seeing UNA CLARKE’s daughter YVETTE win out this primary. Unfortunately, CLARKE’s main opponent is DAVID YASSKY and it’s hard to compete with that T.I. money. In order to secure this valuable congressional seat YASSKY has been receiving campaign funding from real estate developers across the city.

Speaking of real estate development in Brooklyn…
The district that CLARKE and YASSKY are fighting over contains the area upon which the Atlantic Yards development will be built. The Empire State Development Corporation is holding a public hearing to discuss the environmental impact of the proposed development on primary day. It was bad enough that this meeting was arranged only two months after the environmental impact study was released, but to schedule it on primary day seems deleterious amd unethical. CLARKE and TRACY BOYLAND were vocal opponents of the proposed arena plans, but YASSKY is such a big cheerleader that I think he carries a pair of pompoms and he wears saddle shoes. If you want Brooklyn to be developed and not destroyed I suggest you get your azz to a polling station and do the right thing.

WE ARE FAMILY…

Sunday, September 10th, 2006

sisters

I got an interesting e-mail the other day from a reader who asked if I hated women. That seemed a bit odd to me since I don’t think I’m any less progressive when it comes to treating the women in my life with love, consideration, and respect. I chalked that readers question up to being someone unfamiliar with this space and some of the ideas that pass through here for discussion sake. What I did realize is that there are a significant number of females that inspire the writing on these pages. You all should know Glamazon and That Girl Tam by now since they have been down for a minute. Glam actually freaks a quiet little place called 2 8 3 0. Thats the place where she gets to be herself, far away from the bright lights of Hollywood.

There are a couple of new heads in the game and I would like to talk about them for a second and direct you to their pages. Hopefully you will take some time to extend them some of the love that you have given me. Your comments mean so much to a new weblog writer. Ultimately, that’s the currency that we all write for.

CRUNK and Disorderly alum ALEX2.0 has jumped out the veritable window with her site, Stuck in a Quarter Life Crisis. Already in only her first month she has inspired the upcoming DP dot com feature series titled, WIG OWNERS > WIG BRUSHERS. Fellas should take note that ALEX2.0 is a rabid football fan and she might ignore you if you try to talk to her during a Dolphins game.

GEE, The Insurgent Scrapbooker is a stay-at-home, entreprenuerial mom that still acts like she’s 16. I find myself cracking up as she translates U.S. slang into Swedish and back. DP dot com rolls with a valid passport and so should you.

One of the surefire ways to hook me into your site will be a kooky name. UNRULY BROWN did the trick and I was pleasantly surprised to see that the writing was serious and yet whimsical. She is a mixture of tomboy and trickster as she recants her youth through story after hilarious story.

Last, and certainly not least is NINA 9-Milimeter. Her space in the blog universe is titled The Freakquency and she had me from the word go. NINA is fuckin’ crazy on the real. She lets us into her mind as we see her spar with her ego and her id. Not too many people would be honest enough to show you that dialogue, but NINA is fearless like that. I am sure that’s why I dig her blog and also because she is a renaissance bitch.

CHOCOLATE CREAM: A BILLY SUNDAY Love Story

Friday, September 8th, 2006

aubade

On some days every thing is just clicking right. You wake up with the sun shining on your face, but not in your eyes. You stay in the shower for an extra ten minutes, because the hot water is not doing its usual version of the disappearing acts. When you finally step out of your tub, the bathroom is a like a hazy sauna. You don’t bother drying off because the air is so moist. Water droplets would just reattach themselves to your clean skin. Besides, is there anything better than air- drying in your own apartment with Mary J. Blige blaring from the CD player? And it’s Friday. And you have a dinner date later that evening at your apartment.

Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves just yet. That aforementioned date is still roughly twelve hours away. You still have a full day of work in front of you. Meaning, a day in which you look terribly busy typing and filing documents. Rearranging the piled up items on your desk so as to appear to be earnestly organizing your affairs. This technique is done about every thirty minutes or so to allow you to daydream about the upcoming evening. Tonight would be the night for sure. How could it not be? You set the date up at your apartment as a trap. How could anyone hope to escape from your den when you put on your full-court press.

You know, the works, stir-fry shrimp with a chilled bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. Ashanti, Maxwell, Alicia Keys and Billie Holiday CD’s playing in a cleverly arranged mix sequence that should take you from the kitchen into the living room and then right into the bedroo… oops, there you go again, daydreaming.

You have to get dressed and get out of the house. It is a good thing you got up twenty minutes earlier this morning but if you keep falling into the twilight zone you will remove that supposed advantage.

aubade

The full-length mirror mounted on your closet door is always so damned honest. Why can’t it be like one of your co-workers, who are always flattering you with compliments about your body? Those ladies only see you after you’ve assembled yourself. What they should see are the death-defying maneuvers of tucking, hitching, stretching and shoving you have to do to look as good as you do. First off, there are your uncooperative breasts that hang down and point outwards as if they are both trying to get away from your body. The solution for this was simple enough; you changed from the satin Calvin Klein 36C bra into your new Aubade french-cut demi bra with the clasp in the front. To the French, a 34C is like an American 32B. The end result is perfect as everything is brought closer together. Your stomach is a little pouched out and that is because you can’t remember to hold it in all of the time. The abdomen exerciser from Target that you paid half-price for makes such a nice looking piece of sculpture art, nestled in the empty corner of the living room. So you make a mental note to buy a base for it the next time that you’re flea market shopping in Park Slope.

aubade

Then we see what upsets your psyche as much as it enriches other people’s fantasies. Your big behind. You can remember the first time that anyone had ever noticed that it was a bit wide, a tad high and remarkably rotund? After your mom explained the positive and negative sides of being a ‘real’ woman your confidence returned to you for a period of time.

aubade

A few lousy relationships coupled with fifteen extra pounds that found their destination to be below the waistline has brought about a return of self-consciousness. After staring at your rear in the mirror for thirty seconds you look up at your face and realize how lucky you are that you don’t have any acne.

aubade

Your braids bounce up and down on your trek up Nostrand Avenue to the Fulton Street subway station. You are reminded that you just had them tightened two nights ago, because the frown that you give to a vocally rude passerby gives you a slight headache. The day has been too good already for you to divert any mind time to some desperate sycophant. Although you do wish that you had the time to give some of these fools a lesson on how to woo a woman with words. You even muse on the silent, staring flirters that have no clue on the subtleties required to attract a woman. You wonder if their plan is to stare so intensively that you will be hypnotized into undressing. Like these boys are equipped with some Jedi mind powers. (Your devilish mind thinks that they would be better off using all that concentration to keep from climaxing after they encountered your warm, wet cameo)

You have put on your armor of attitude just as the Eighth Av. Local rumbles to a halt at the platform. You find a seat in your favorite location, next to the exit door, opposite the conductor’s booth. The conductor is kind of cute, but a bit on the short side. Almost looking nothing like the confident voice that booms over the subway’s public address system, while in complete control of when the doors open and close. Letting people in and then discharging them, and her nails do have the prettiest design on them, palm trees or some tropical scene. That was attractive to you. The rugged requirements of her job on the subway system didn’t prevent her from still being a lady. You were tempted to flirt with her. You know, just for fun. Just to see if she had a nice smile.

No sooner have you sat at your desk then when you begin to start pining for the clock to find it’s way to four forty-five. You just then notice that you have voicemail waiting for you to listen to. The first message is your boss saying that he won’t be in at all today because of an emergency with his babysitter. Something about how she won’t be available to watch your boss’ three-year old son because she is going into labor with her own child. You’d think your boss could offer his sitter maternity leave? Your next message has a soft-spoken voice that just says you should prepare for an exciting evening. Now this is how it is done. Those boys should have listened to this brief message if they really wanted to learn how to make a woman moist. Your body caught a brief shiver in anticipation of what you hoped was going to happen later on that night.

Right about four o’clock a messenger delivered to you a long cardboard box. Inside the box was a dozen of the loveliest long stem roses. Each had a bud that was the size of your fist. The card attached was definitely a keeper. Never mind the card’s overt sexual references, that’s what you wanted anyhow. You were sold by the way that you had been romanced unlike never before. Every thought focused on what was certain to be an intense evening of lovemaking. One of those nights that you were getting fucked, then making love and then fucking, and you would end up awake all night. You knew there was a chance that you would have to pull out all of the tricks. ALL of them.

You were in a relative stupor for the rest of the afternoon until you arrived home and listened to your answering machine. The caller was on a cellular phone but the message was still clear. Your blood pressure turned up a notch, and then you scrambled to get your apartment in shape. Your date would be there at six o’clock which was alright with you even though that was in about fifteen more minutes.

The lobby bell rung, so loudly that you almost went into cardiac arrest. You buzzed in your visitor even as you continued to pick up any stray articles of clothing. The doorbell sounded in its unique plunky tone. After a quick pull and a short tug you were ready to open the door. When you opened the door your face lit up like a halogen stadium lamp.

aubade

Standing there in front of you, with almost nothing on under an executive rain coat was this tall, dark, beautiful woman with curls that were as soft as they were long. The Aubade egg shell white lingerie set she was wearing was so delicious against her skin that it seemed to highlight her body. Her darkness swallowed up her fresh shaven pubics so that they seemed to just fade into her pelvis. Her bulbous breasts were poised to spill out of the lace demi-bra bustier. You were still and silent as you devoured this woman with your eyes, just like you were one of those young boys standing out on the corner of Gates Avenue.

aubade

After forever, you both embraced.

On some days, when every thing is just clicking right, a kiss can taste ten times sweeter than a chocolate cream soda.

Those are the perfect nights for you to watch the sunrise.

aubade