Archive for the ‘Straight Laced’ Category

CANNONDALE FOR SALE…

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

cannondale

By looking at me now you would never know that I was an avid cyclist for many years. Several ridiculous accidents finally took their toll on my body, but I occasionally still enjoy a spin around Prospect Park on my Klein mountain bike.

My true love is my Cannondale Shark track bike. Like all official track bikes it has a fixed wheel gear ratio and because it’s a Cannondale the tubing is high strength aluminum and light as a feather. Track bikes don’t have a laundry list of components and where it matters I used all high grade Shimano parts. I even changed the handlebars to Modolo bullhorn bars for that sexy aggressive profile. It’s a beaut of a horse and if you have ever ridden a fixed wheel bike then you already know that the Cannondale Shark is like the Murcielago of that shit.

I peeped this video one day on YouTube and it was totally reminiscent of my experience spinning through New York City Manhattan. Until humans evolve and gain the ability to fly this is the closest thing to that feeling…

cRap Music Fantasy League

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

crapper

First off, let me thank everyone that registered to play in the DP Dot Com cRap Music Fantasy League. It seemed like a really good idea at the time. What kept it from blowing up were my limitations at computer programming. If there is an Excel or spreadsheet wiz that fucks with DP Dot Com holler at me on the e-mail and let me know if your interested in helping me get this thing popping off the right way. You wouldn’t know it since people don’t acknowledge it but I spend tons of my scrilla sending people all kinds of shit when they help the website or participate in contests that I run. Help me out and I guarantee that you’ll at least get a fly pair of kicks in return for your effort.

The premise of the cRap Music Fantasy League is that each player runs their own record label which has eight performers. At least one of them had to be a female rapper and also they needed to have one R & B singer (male or female). The label owners could even opt to have dead rappers on their label’s roster with the understanding that “dead rapper’s get better promotion” – (c)Jadakiss. The cRap Music Fantasy League is like a popularity contest and whichever artists can keep themselves in the media spotlight are the ones that will bring you the higher score. But ultimately, the cRap Fantasy League is a points driven game and certain favorable events in the course of a artists career will garner that performer points. Certified gold and platinum records were worth points to your label, but since this was a cRap Music game other events had value as well. Arrests and convictions including jail time could move your label up in the standings and death of someone on your roster was a surefire way to win the contest outright.

Not that we want any rappers to die or anything, but there are a few that could just kill themselves and the world would be fine with that. Anyhoo, I asked the label owners to submit their rosters and label names several times. Here are the labels that made it through into the league’s registration process…

WINDBREAKER Records
BIOCHEMICAL SLANGIN’ ENTERTAINMENT INCORPORATED
COCAINE BLUNTS
COMBAT JACK
XOCOLATL CITY BALLERS
STONY ISLAND ENT.
TyCOON ENTERTAINMENT
COMMERCIAL Records Inc.
DEAF JAM Records
SMOKED OUT Records
STATELY PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN Records LLC
BLACKLIGHT Records
INCARCERATED SCARFACES Records
BLUFFINGTON Records
ACTion Records
DUBBLE UP ENTERTAINMENT
COBBLESTONE Records
BROOKLYN MINT Records
BLUE & CREME ENTERTAINMENT
JOHN BROWN MUSIC
GIVE UP THE GOODS ENTERTAINMENT
CHRISTIAN MUSIC RECORDS
MENTAL CALISTHENICS RECORDS
SQUADRILATERAL RECORDS
JAYWALKERS ENTERTAINMENT

Because of the number of labels as compared to the number of desirable cRappers in today’s cRap music landscape you will notice that many labels share similar artists. The only key to success was having the combination of cRappers that would be leading the industry during the opening months of 2007. Here is a list artists who were points leaders during the first quarter of 2007…

jigga JAY-Z = 1750 points
Jigga was the M.V.P. beast of the league on the strength of a double platinum certification for his recent album ‘Kingdome Come’ and the myriad amount of licensing deals he caked up with in the first quarter. Redsigning Cherry Coke… Selling Roc-A-Wear for $200mil… GM x JAY-Z blue?!?
akon AKON = 1000 pts
If we excluded South Africa, AKON might make more money than the GNP of all of Africa. Through a string of successful R & B hits this over-synthesized pop singer has been tearing up the U.S. charts. Only ROBIN THICKE plays the radio more than this dude.

biggie NOTORIOUS B.I.G. = 1000 pts
Notorious B.I.G. was a solid pick because this year happened to be the tenth anniversary of his murder. With an album release and countless media coverage this sleeper pick could have put you over the top.

lil' wayne LIL’ WAYNE – 750 points
I’m curious as to why LIL’ WAYNE is so popular. He doesn’t seem to be too talented a wordsmith and he speaks in a disjointed and somewhat retarded manner in interviews, but maybe that’s what the people relate to nowadays. Anyhoo, you can’t go wrong picking him for your roster because the powers that be love little, snarly, gremlin-looking Black men for their minstrel revivals.

fisty FISTY SCENT – 750 points
I’m used to FISTY being such a juggernaut in pop culture I thought for sure he would dominate the league. Surprisingly enough, we didn’t hear too much from him at all until Cam’Ron decided to awaken the sleeping giant with his taunts of Fisty’s government name. I’d keep Fisty on your roster if you have him because he’s liable to break out with more book deals and prah’lee a snack cake liscensing agreement or some shit.

jeezy YOUNG JEEZY = 750 pts
Who is inspired by this dude? More people than I could imagine. Despite looking like a seal with jewelry on JEEZY the Snowman makes his RIAA quota.

young buck YOUNG BUCK = 750 pts
BUCK might be finding himself in the same place as a former G-Unit star if he doesn’t get his mind right. Fisty Scent doesn’t take kindly to subordinates who appear unloyal. With all the popular cRappers coming from the southern region I don’t consider BUCK a keeper pick in the cRap Music Fantasy League.

windbreaker LUDACRIS = 500 pts
After cutting off his trademark mane LUDACRIS has become a mediocre cRapper. cRappers like T.I., WAYNE and JEEZY dominate the southern region and LUDACRIS may have his eyes on Hollywood now anyhoo. He’s a good pick if you have some inside information, but if not leave him off your squad.

ciara CIARA = 500 pts
She is certainly talented and beautiful. And bigger than all of that it’s finally been agreed that CIARA is actually a woman.

fergie FERGIE = 500 pts
When people call her rap band the Black Eyed Peas they didn’t realize that FERGIE took that to literally mean pee her pants. I guess her impromptu golden showers have helped her achieve greater than golden certification from the RIAA.

nelly furtado NELLY FURTADO = 500 pts
Do you remember that brief scandal about R & B chantueses giving up the booty to their producers as exchange for their production skills? Do you think NELLY fucked Timbaland? If we find out that she did I am retracting all of her points.

lilwow LIL’ BOW WOW = 500 pts
How crazy is it that LIL’ BOW WOW is still a teen idol. You know this dude is like 32 right? He has that shit that dude Webster had where you don’t grow up anymore.

foxy brown FOXY BROWN = 500 pts
FOXY has become rap music’s hot ghetto mess. She makes REMY MA look like she has her shit together. From probation to arrest back to another probation warning, FOXY is begging the courts to assign her a stint in a supervised halfway house. Pray for her ass.

chris brown CHRIS BROWN = 500 pts
While USHER is busy taking care of other people’s baby mamas CHRIS BROWN has stepped in to fill the void.

bussa BUSTA RHYMES = 250 pts
What the fuck happened to BUSTA?!? Do you think it’s the after effects of steroids? Whatever it is BUSTA looks like he is going to have to give a minute of his life to the county lockup.

camron CAM’RON = 250 pts
Not too much going on with Cam’Ron except some ‘hood videos.

lil flip LIL’ FLIP = 250 pts
After beating up T.I. a few years ago I thougtht that Lil’ Flip’s career would be done, but lo and behold, he releases another album that I prah’lee won’t listen to.

devin DEVIN the Dude = 250 pts
DEVIN’s latest album ‘Waiting To Inhale’ was a fun romp through the mind of a tragic weedhead.

redman REDMAN = 250 pts
The return of REGGIE NOBLE means that Hip-Hop isn’t dead yet.

After totaling up the labels with the highest scores I award the title of DallasPenn Dot Com Crap Music Mogul to DEAF JAM Records. Send me your address and your shoe size for your free pair of NIKE Dunks.

GAME REBELLION LIVE IN BROOKLYN!

Friday, April 20th, 2007

game

Let’s do it Rebel style Brooklyn!

GAME REBELLION, the Bed-Stuy-Bushwick-Brownsville-Ocean Hill mosh pit champs will be performing live and direct.

Sa-Ra listening party as well. I’m so in there like swimwear bitches.

April 21st – TONIGHT!
Southpaw
125 Fifth Avenue
Brooklyn, NY
Doors: 8.00pm
$10.00 in advance available on www.Ticketweb.com
$12.00 at the door



GAME REBELLION – ‘Sexercise’

DP Dot Com x YouTube: Teaching Us To Love Ourselves…

Friday, April 20th, 2007

blacklove

Shout outs to COMBAT JACK and FRESHALINA for the links…

blacklove

blacklove

Superman vs. MUHAMMAD ALI

Friday, April 20th, 2007

adams

I remember COMBAT JACK bringing up this issue when I gave props to NEAL ADAMS a week ago. The funny thing is that NEAL ADAMS himself says that this was his best project evar. And this is coming from a man who has illustrated comics and graphic novels for over forty years. When this tabloid comic was released it broke all previous sales records. Read the interview with NEAL ADAMS about the creation of the book. ADAMS wasn’t just a conscious artist and storyteller, this nigga was the truth.

The Greatest: NEAL ADAMS on Superman vs. MUHAMMAD ALI

That was a dope interview. ADAMS spoke on all the details and minutae it took to get that book off the ground. When it was finally released the Champ had just been dethroned by MICHAEL SPINKS. Even without the title belt, MUHAMMAD ALI was still the peoples’ champ. NEAL ADAMS describes his affection for the champ because of his willingness to go to prison for his principals. ADAMS was a true artist and unquestionably the premiere artist for D.C. Comics during the 1970’s.

Marvel Comics may have been a little salty that D.C. went forward with their collabo with MUHAMMAD ALI. During the mid 70’s Marvel and D.C. came together for several team up editions in tabloid format. The tabloid style was nearly twice the size of a regular comic book. Think of a tabloid magazine or newspaper. As a matter of fact, these issues were about the same size as a Life magazine. They were ginormous, over the top graphic stories and ADAMS, who was clearly lights out during this time in his career was the artist they used to illustrate the stories.

supes spidey

Superman vs. The Amazing Spiderman
I made my dad buy me this book and some tracing paper and I spent the better part of a summer trying to recreate panels throughout this comic. I wasn’t a collector then because I was only seven years old, but I can remember that I brought that damn book with me everywhere until it was so dog-eared and torn that it practically disintergrated in my hands.

batman vs hulk

Batman vs. The Incredible Hulk
Another tabloid classic. Do you notice how Marvel characters alsways have adjectives precede their names. It’s as if being the Hulk wasn’t enough to move the crowd. These tabloid comics were also available on supermarket shelves. This helped revive the sagging industry because it brought a new generation of young fans into the business as readers and collectors.

Nothing was as popular though as the Superman vs. MUHAMMAD ALI comic. It captured the flavor and attitude of the Champ and it also showed his courage and cunning. The story is a fitting tribute to the man called the ‘Black Superman’. If you have a chance to peruse a copy treat yourself to the NEAL ADAMS experience.

supes ali