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DP.COM MANNY WATCH…

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

mannywood

MANNY and the Dodgers are back into the NLCS round of the MLB playoffs. I hope they face off against Philly again so they can come up on a little getback.

The really great news for the Dodgers is that MANNY seems to have recovered his stroke [ll] after stumbling into the postseason going 5 for his last 31 at-bats. As goes MANNY so go the Dodgers despite ANDRE ETHIER having a breakout season.

The Yanks are on the verge of sweeping the Twins away in the ALDS and the Red Sox find themselves one game away from elimination also. If the current trends hold sway we may have ourself another NY-LA October Classic. The first one since the Dodgers series win in 1981.

Posted in Fanboy Ish, Hollyweird, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sneaker Fiends United, Sports are Gay, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 2 Comments »

Faded Off The Brown Like Nino, We Know…

Friday, October 9th, 2009

What is the magical allure that Hennessy holds for Black folks? It is our glory and our downfall. You see what the Henroc did to our homey ‘Ye Tudda at the VMAs? And still we flock to the brown for our salvation.

When I have kids before I hold them up to the stars for my ancestors to view I will baptise them crumbsnatchers with some Henny on their foreheads.

The spirits were in full effect Wednesday night for this event called Hennessy Artistry curated by the Roots and Common. Hennessy is the slave song spiritual syrup. Do you understand now why they call liquor spirits?

white

I had to take a pic of white dudes at a Hennessy event. It’s like seeing brothers chilling at a Pabst Blue Ribbon party.

homegirl

Hennessy enabled homegirl to tie that bowtie… With her mouth.

roots

The legendary got down to business. I’ve declared previously that Black Thought is the number one emcee dead or alive. Thought moved the show along from performer to performer seamlessly creating hype and excitement as he set the stage for each unexpected guest.

Thanks to Hennessy the Roots actually performed in front of Black people for a change.

colin munroe

Gingerboy crooner Colin Munroe showed he got soul.

bilal

Bilal was taking the sisters to church. This brother better be careful too because one of the big girls up in that joint might could’a snatched his little narrow ass up and used him for a tampon.

On second thought, that’s prA’li all Bilal ever wanted.

q-tip

It was fun to see Tip do some ATCQ classics. Good thing Common and Black Thought were on the mics also to help Tip remember his rhymes

latifah

U.N.I.T.YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The Queen of rap tore the house down. I haven’t seen Queen Latifah perform in a thousand years(Naughty era). She is totally what the game is missing and by that I mean her incredible talent on the mic.

Not so much to her Sapphic skills.

The spirits were flowing freely and the full cipher of Hip-Hop was represented at the Hennessy Artistry event. Even Hip-Hop curmudgeon Ernie P. can’t be mad at that. Then again, I’m sure that Ernie P. could hate on a childbirth.

Log on to www.Rule4080.com for more pics and video clips from this dope event.

Posted in 5 Elements, Blipsters = Hipsters, Crappers, Fanboy Ish, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., iNternets Celebrities, T.O.N.Y., Wig Owners | 8 Comments »

BILLY SUNDAY’s Guide To Black Women’s Hair…

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

ebony3

Editor’s note: A DP.com Martin Luther King Jr Holiday Weekend Black History Month classic…

In a few weeks we will all be under siege with another 28 days of Black Bullshit. Some of you take advantage of Black History Month to learn the names of some of your jig co-workers. That’s nice of you.

As a preemptive public service I thought we should create a guide to help people learn more about Black women according to the hairstyles they wear. The thing about Black women is that each different hairstyle comes with its own prerequisite attitude and lifestyle. This handy guide will help you choose a comparable Black female friend based on the style of her hair, and the best part is that she won’t even know how you knew so much about her.

THE SKEEBALL
I took this name from Byron Crawford because it’s so apropo. Skeeball head chicks are always unbalanced. Heaven forbid you are trying to get close to a bi-racial skeeball head girl. These chicks have too many issues to even begin to wrap your head around.

THE UPCHUCK
Sometimes this style looks like a mini explosion at the back of someone’s head, but I think it’s meant to look somewhat Euro-casual. If the Black chick that has this hairstyle also wears a shaggy off the shoulder sweater I think you can trust her because she evidently doesn’t get out too much.

THE LIL’ BRO
When the skeeball starts to grow back in hopefully the girls mind is also returning. By the looks of this sister and the rack she’s holding I would be down to talk some ‘Free MUMIA’ bullshit with her in the chance of scoring some pro African poon.

THE CURLY LIL’ BROHAM
Here’s a look at the wet side of the Lil’ Bro style. Remember that girl group TOTAL? The lead singer had this haircut and she wasn’t gay after all. At least I don’t think so. Girls that sport curly lil’ brohams are cool to hang out with, but make sure you let them know from jump street that they have to pay their own tab. These chicks are saving money on styling by wearing this hairstyle so they can afford to pay for their own dinner.

THE CRAZY LIL’ BROTHER
The name says it all when you meet one of these chicks. She’s one of those broads that had one of those ‘horrible’ long term relationships. She’s just getting her shit back together after a small stint in the pysche ward. Inside she’s a nice girl, but everything you say reminds her of the last dude. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have sex with her. She will stalk your azz.

THE UNEMPLOYABLE
Sometimes known as the W.I.C. check. Whoever wears this style I can guarantee you they don’t have a job or their own business, unless you call braiding hair in your kitchen ‘ghetto entreprenuerism’. The other thing that I can almost assure you is that this woman’s name has way too many vowels. Something like Starrkeysha.

THE SELF-EMPLOYED
When you see this hairstyle you should understand the ambition that is contained in the wearer. She is a driven hard worker and she owns her own business. The question though is how many people want macrame knitted clothing? Not too many. If she could pore her energy and focus into a commodity that people wanted then maybe she might have enough money to pay for her own movie ticket.

THE STRIPPER BRAIDS
This is what being self-employed is all about. Nobody tells her where to go or when to come (pun always intended).

THE O.G. FINGER WAVER
I’d like to act like I don’t have an aunt that has this hairstyle, but I’m sure there is someone in Petersburg, Virginia related to me wearing this ‘do.

THE BLONDIELOCKS
Whenever I see a lady wth her hair bleached out blonde I just shake my head. I don’t have conversations with these women because I imagine that their sensibilities and politics are all jacked up. Who was the one that told them their hair looked better blonde? And why did she believe them?!?

THE BOYGIRL BOY
Quick message to parents… Stop making your sons look bitchmade with long hair. They’re boys and they aren’t supposed to be cute.

THE DOOBIE WRAP
This is what you want to get next to fellas. Everything about this female is right on point. Long pressed hair, nice smile, and uh, nice kerbangers. You see she has a nice little fat on the back of her arms too so you know she can cook. I say bring some fried boneless chicken breasts over her house and a bottle of Reisling wine. When you get this sweet tender thing just a little drunk she will go down in you. At least that’s what her hairstyle is telling me.

THE DOOBIE DON’T
Anytime you come across a chick with her style this tight my advice would be to leave her alone because she is gonna cost way too much money to keep up her hair and trust me all she thinks about is her hair. She’s in love with her hair because everyone compliments her on it. Her hobby is her hair. Her baby is her hair. If she has a child it is getting fed after her hair.

THE BLANGE DOOBIE
Black women love to dye their hair this wild color that combines auburn and blonde streaks. I have taken to calling this hyrbrid hue Blange (pronounced blahnj). The really excessive women will also dye their eyebrows and try to match up their lipstick. You can’t tell her she isn’t fly either. She parlayed her community college experience into a civil service job and she balls out in Miami Beach every Memorial Day (yawwwn).

THE LION QUEEN
Speaking of civil servants, let’s not forgot the wearers of the oversize box braids at the office. I wonder sometimes if actual African people look at Black Americans and laugh on the inside.

THE SHIRLEY TEMPLE DREAD
Blue contacts? Nose earring? Looks like another charity case if you ask me.

THE NON-PROFIT
Figuring out someone’s profession from looking at their hairstyle is one of my talents. This style is worn by most of the Blacks that have graduated from historically Black colleges and universities and now work at one of the countless educational and non-profit endowments that have been established to give these people with worthless degrees someplace to work. She shops at IKEA and makes you take your shoes off when you come in her house, but she smells so damn good its hard not to eat her up like a plate of collard greens and macaroni and cheese.

THE BONETURAL
Combining LISA BONET with the natural wet look is one of my favorite styles, but be sure you check the back of the girl’s scalp for the weave. You’d be surprised how many liteskinned ladies are imitation Indians. She told me she had some Sioux in her blood, but she really meant lawsuit. Too bad that I have a thing for the grey-green eye chicks because she was a grimey type broad to steal money out of your wallet when you were asleep.

THE SELF-UNEMPLOYED LIL’ UPCHUCK NON-PROFIT CURLY BLONDE DREAD
I know that I killed all the above women that had these elements in their hairstyles and the truth is that I’m sure they’re all really nice people once you get to know them. I just had to point out that the greatest thing about Black women has nothing to do with their hair. Their undeniable power comes from that space on their shoulder right where the neck comes in. It’s soft and tender and usually smells like some kind of fruit. As long as a Black woman has a clavicle she doesn’t really need any hair.

Posted in Black Bullshit, H.A.M., Lust = Love, Straight Laced, Talking Shit, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 21 Comments »

Slowjam For The Day…

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

the fam

All of this corporate fuxery has me heated, so to cool down and chill out I play me a slow jam…

Posted in Talking Shit, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 4 Comments »

RANT SOME?

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Cosplay is cool and the whole nine and I even give dude props on the costume details but f’real tho’, anything less than beating the brakes off this bad little Baroness is teh ghey.

I decided to clip and paste some of my TWitter rants in a continuation of the discussion on the Candy Makes Criminals clusterfux. By the way, almond caramel clusterfux are teh sheet.