Archive for the ‘H.A.M.’ Category

Eyes Without A Face…

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

average white bland

You can get with this, or you can get with that…

This is why I tell you to keep your eyes on the white, literally. When I was out drinking, or getting high, or whatever, white created a new science. That shit is called Koinophilia, and it is all about how humans select their sexual mates.

The study of Koinophilia does some silly shit where they place the images of similar genders on top of one another to create an “average” image. Like, who the fuck doesn’t know how to use Adobe Photoshop in 2008? These fake scientists are going to tell me that the reason I choose white women is because they are scientifically more beautiful?

No, I choose white women because I want my offspring to have an easier life in AmeriKKKa. The future prospects for a jig baby named TyQuan or StarrKeysha are fucked the fuck up. A mulatto kid named Chandler… Not so much. Still and all at the end of the day the Koinophiliacs missed the point if they think that natural selection has anything to do with nostril symmetry.

While white may have the advantage when beauty is promoted through the mainstream media, the real natural selection still favors Black girls. Until white naturally develops the official ba-donk-a-donk, the specimen pictured below will remain the ultimate representative of fertility. Peep the cottage cheese. Tasty.

tasty

Dark & Lovely Run Amok…

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

black luv
Sometimes I get mad at the shit that Black women are sold to fry their wigs in the name of beauty. I get mad at the companies that sell this shit and I get mad at the women who buy this shit.

olive oil

Olive oil?!? Someone is about to fry they wig. Nah’mean?!?

africas best

How ironic that ‘Africa’s Best’ raison d’etre is to ultimately get the Black out of one’s scalp?

69 Was A Good Year…

Friday, April 4th, 2008

69

My day job has been a beast lately. Right now I need GOD to grant me an additional six hours to every day so that I can work, blog and live my lifestyle (read: drink copious amounts of free alcohol).

One of the most important things I need more time for is to remind Chocolate Snowflake that she is the most incredible woman I have ever met. Between my vain chase for fame and attention and all the other things I do in order to keep the roof over my head I sometimes forget to show and tell this woman how truly special she is to me.

I found the above image and it made me laugh out loud. GOD is good all of the time. GOD created the slugs, and the worms, and the bugs to even know that they must make time to spread love.

Take some time from your busy day today to tell someone that you love them.

Thank GOD.

69

Risque Business…

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

risque

After the First Saturday event at the Brooklyn Museum of Art I will go into Manhattan for what I hope to be an out of this world after party. Brown Girls Burlesque is the name of the show and it is being promoted as a performance that I don’t want to miss.

These ladies are inspired by some of the greatest super heroines of all time. Catwoman, Storm, Aeon Flux, GRACE JONES and PAM GRIER to name a few.

Traditional burlesque shows capture comedic elements and will weave them through all kinds of social taboos and morays. Don’t just be prepared to laugh. Be prepared to laugh at yourself and all the things you thought were important. Burlesque is totally grown folks humor. So you may not get it if you haven’t actually seen the world.

The theme for this performance is super heroines and the people that love them. I like the idea of women putting on stretchy costumes and kicking ass. I’ll let you know how these broads rocked the spot.

Brown Girls Burlesque
The Zipper Factory
336 West 37th Street (btwn 6th & 7th Aves)
$20 – Showtime 11pm

risque

POLITRICKS 2008: Votar Por Hilarious…

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008

tkc

The Latino voting bloc is that new, new sexy. Someone in the DNC needs to give TKC their super-delegado status.

While everyone is talking about the Mexican governor BILL RICHARDSON’s support for OBAAMA no one is paying attention to the real reason that HILLARY CLINTON has the espanol voters on smash.