Bell Biv Devoe – ‘Poison’
During the Martin Lawrence marathon I was buggin’ the fux out after I watched this infomercial for ‘Booty Pop‘ panties.
Between all the tanning salons, colagen lip implants and now fake booties Black girl bodies are getting swagger jacked to death.
I’ll take my Black girls like I’ll take my coke – raw and uncut. Ya’ deeg?!?
Editor’s note: As an additional feature to the SFU program I would like to start a kicks consultation service here where we discuss acquisitions and debate the merits or detractions of copping that next-next hotness. To kick off this features inaugural drop we pick up the line from Chi-town kicksologist, Slumbilical Chord.
DP,
Nikestore has the Hypermax NFW red suede jawnts aka what I like to call the “Nike Air Su-woos” aka the “Nike Air Bloodeds” aka the “Nike Air Starhead Birdmans Daddy…BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” for $99.99Should a brother go in? The full sole air joint is fiyar. Plus the bright red colorway screams “I’m blooding…but only while being a blood is culturally accepted, as my gang affiliations change with, among other things, the wind. Additionally, I will never set foot in hoods where my bloodedness could be called into question — thence, I will never have to supply the requisite handshake or appropriate gang sign. I can scream SUWOO and DADA-DOH from the comfort of my gentrified Chicago townhome.”
Thoughts? At this price, a brother is fiending to punch in the four digit confirmation code on his Amex and hit “BUY NOW,” but in the depths of a possible double dip recession (fuck is that btw? How you gon’ refer to an economic contraction followed by a slight recovery followed by another severe economic contraction by a name that connotes a Ben ‘n Jerry’s ice cream treat? Double Dip – it’s like two scoops of creamy delight! [ll]), well, let’s just say I have my doubts (c) Catholics. Please advise…
Warmest Regards,
SlumBeezy
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Guest Editor Al B. Shoes SlumBeast, I need you to hold tight. That price is gonna dip like our economy is projected to. I feel like they will be available for $59.99 by February. Yes, Black History Month specials (while not listed as such) are the supreme comeups of the entire year. Think of all the Christmas returns combined with a bunch of companies under pressure to post some half-decent numbers for the new year’s 1st quarter. Unless you are looking to strike fear about your gang relations at some wintertime indoor pick-up league I vote for you to hold tight on this acquisition until the pricepoint enters come-up status (59.99 and under) BTW, SlumBeast > Hypebeast |
And I’m not talking about deejaying.
A few months back OhWord.com had a nice little article featuring the Nike SB commercial starring skater Paul Rodriguez and also Ice Cube. Nike co-opted the lazy summer’s day rap anthem ‘It Was A Good Day’. The commercial was nifty and Nike even made a couple of renditions on the theme. While I shrugged my shoulders to it Rafi told me that the acceptance of the commercial was a slippery slope.
Apparently rap music has fallen and it now can’t get up.
The Christmas holidaze was the perfect time for Nike to roll out another advertisement bundle. This time they are pushing the latest colorway of the signature Lebron James shoe, the LBJ VIIs. The spokesmodels are the popular MVPs (most valuable puppets) and they even have a cameo from Kris Kringle who is voiced by the inimitable Kris Parker. The commercial went down something like this…
Maybe I’m wrong to assume that Scott LaRock would object to the misappropriation of verses from the seminal Hip-Hop classic ‘The Bridge Is Over’. Scott did rock Nike’s hardbody back in the day while the rest of us were running around in Reeboks. It’s just that the commercial feels like an affront to Hip-Hop as opposed to an embrace of the music. Someone please tell me that I’m wrong and I will shut the fux up.
I’m back in my parent’s basement where it all began for me back in the days. If I have ever had a Fortress of Solitude it has been in my folks’ home. I am invincible in my cubbyhole right next to the boilerroom.
I might could live down here permanantly too. Atlanta is like heaven for the SFU mentality. There are tons of sales and discount spots like Ross Stores and now AJ Wright is here in Atlanta as well.
I am going banana bread on come ups. I may not return to NYC with all these kicks but right now the addict is going IN. Here’s a list of my acquisitions so far. Let me know which joints you are feeling and which ones I might have to leave in the basement…
Nike Zoom Javelin Elite
These shoes make no fux’n sense other than they were in Marshall’s for $20 cent and they look retarded. I’m never gonna throw a javelin, but I like the reassurance that if for some reason I get called to action at the next Olympiad because everyone else on the planet has died at least I will have the proper shoe on my feet instead of wearing a pair of Dunks or Air Max.
My name is Dallas and yes, I am an addict.
Nike Dunk Hi
I go gaga (no paparazzi) for the Nike Dunk. 2010 is the 25th anniversary of the show so I expect to see some colorways and materials released the blow my fux’n mind. What also blows my mind is that Ross Stores was pumping these joints for $30. All the SFU-NYC tour veterans know that a $30 comeup is mandatory.
Ross Stores is my fave spot when I touch down in Atlanta. They always have something interesting at some highway fleamarket pricepoint.
Nike Air Max Terra 90
This is the shoe that I have to put a question mark on top of. I loved the AMT90s I copped earlier this year. Those joints were crack. These, not as much.
The white midsole annoys me because it doesn’t have any relationship to the other colors on the shoe. The accent color that looks blue in the photo is actually eggplant. I can’t figure out how I am gonna splash hard in these joints. Lastly, the pricepoint was $50 and I feel like these shoes need to be in the $30-$40 range.
Okay, these go back to Ross.
Nike SB Premium Lo
These Dunk Lo’s were nicknamed the ‘Asparagus’ and I wasn’t really attracted to them previously. It helped this time that they were on sale for $60 at a skate shop in Kennesaw. So now I’m calling them my ‘Piney Woods Holidaze’ because no one tells me what to name my fux’n shoes!
True Internets Backstory: In the parking lot this random kid asked me if I was the dude from the internet. I laughed and told him I was. We chopped it up for a minute because he couldn’t understand why I was in an Atlanta suburb. I told him the internets was worlwide and that I was also somewhere else at that very moment. That totally confused son and I used the awkward silence to give him a quick dap and scuttle off.
Nike SB Premium Hi
Another SB sale comeup were these joints nicknamed the ‘Wet Floors’. If I had it like that I would have bought two pairs at $50 per. Instead of ‘Wet Floors’ I’m calling these my ‘Wu-Flu’ since they are a killer bee colorway.
I might need an intervention while I am here in Atlanta. SFU NYC tour veteran Nattiez is in the ‘A’ right now as well. He’s trying to get me back into the strip joints. Knowing me, I’d rather get my hands on a pair of SB ‘Wu-Flus’ than put shoe money in a fluesy’s hands. Ya’ deeg?!?
adidas is bringing me back over to the dark side with their Darth Vader ZX sneakers. The best shoe within the entire package is the Darth Vader ZX8000? And I can’t help but think to myself that adidas has a shoe called the ZX8000 and that shit wasn’t designed to be a ‘droid character?
You can preview the entire pack here, but honestly, don’t waste your time. The Vader joints and possibly the Yoda (ugh) shoes are the only ones I am considering. Not because I’m being a h8r at all but because these shoes didn’t hit the mark. Okay, I’m being a bit harsh. I might could be convinced to cop the X-Wing pilot joints and the Superstar Death Stars are classic even though the patina on the leather should be gunmetal grey instead of black.
I’m not really in a sneaker mode right now though. I’m in an action figure zone and I have been fuxing with the Hasbro 3.75″ series of Republic and Imperial troopers. This is how you end up hooked into buying the larger joints that run for hundreds of dollars. The details on the Hasbro minatures have been sublime.
This figure pictured below is Utapau Clone Trooper. These were the troopers on the planet with General Grievous and Obi-Wan when the Order 66 was in effect. The Hasbro figure actually comes with the trooper’s body armor painted all dented and dirty. I slept on these Hasbro figures because I didn’t think they were top shelf quality but after I copped one at A.J. Wright (for $3) and opened it up I was amazed at how well crafted these miniature figures are.
Each figure has thirteen points of full 360 degree articulation. Hasbro has almost given the 3-inch series the same posability as their 6-in. designs(Marvel Legends). They have molded the vinyl hands into the perfect position for holding guns and other various weapons. My only complaint is that there is no movement at the waist. I can create awesome sentry poses where both hands of the action figure are holding the rifle but I can’t do stances that are totally dynamic without being able to shift the figure’s torso.
The action figure shown below is called an ARC trooper. These dudes are the most elite and powerful clones created by the Kamino cloners. These troops were actually tutored by Boba Fett and they were designed to be the supercommandos of the Republic. Hasbro is selling these joints directly and each one comes with an array of weapons. BTW, I need to add this joint to my new clone army if you were wondering what to give me for the holidays.
Fuxing with action figures at 40yrs old might seem nerdy but I don’t give a fux. As soon as I get my money right I will be buying myself a Millenium Falcon bed. Yes, I said it. A Millenium Falcon BED!
link via Caught In The Web