Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

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When are we gonna get another S.F.U. tour on the calendar? How about 08.30.08? I think that will be a great day to come up on some real ‘Back 2 School’ deals that the ‘hood spots are always known for. I’m sure Dr. Jay’s will have some general release butters on their $20 tables. Dr. Jay’s holds you down when the economy is fucked the fuck up.

I took a mission on Saturday to patrol Jamaica Avenue to see who had it for cheap. My real goal was to hit up the V.I.M. store on the Ave. These folks boast the best prices on general release NIKE shoes anywhere on the Ave. Jamaica Avenue is another one of the city’s great ‘hood retail destinations. You can get anything imaginable that Black kids are into wearing right now.

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The patty shop on 164th stay with a line always…

When I was a kid it used to be the jewman that ran the Ave. Now its the Hindurabic dudes and Koreans. They are both a lot harder to negotiate with than the Israelis. If the Palestinian conflict had been brokered by the Israeli sneaker dealers that shit would have been over. Hamas might have spent more than they thought they would, but they would have left the shop with a free fitted cap. But I digress…

Take the F train to 169th Street (one stop before the last) or take the E train to the last stop. The hub of activity is the outside of the bus terminal on 164th Street. The street is a pedestrian walkway during the day. You can enter the Colosseum mall on 164th Street. This was the ‘hoods first indoor mall. A lot of kids got their first leather jacket from the Colosseum mall. A lot of kids got their leather jacket vicked for the first time at the Colosseum mall as well.

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Jamaica Avenue is a crossroads for African Americans like nowhere else in the city. All kinds of levels of income, education and class overlap each other on the daily. The subways and the buses link hardscrabble southern Queens neighborhoods like Baisley Park and Ozone Park with well-heeled ‘hoods like Floral Park, Long Island. Eastern Queens meets East New York and so on and so forth. Jamaica Avenue was also where you could meet the finest women in the world. This is where I bagged up the grey-green eyes from Elmont and Rosedale. These chicks were not only the baddest evar, but their parents had homes with carpeted basements. If you bagged up a chick from one of the Five Towns you could effin’ retire.

My missions to scoop chicks on the Ave are long gone. The foxy lady that I am looking for today is a pair of kicks that makes me wanna copp ’em. V.I.M. had a few deals but nothing too crazy. You know they are an official ‘hood spot because the signage over their front door has been broken for years. They were holding the Wildwood ACG x AF-1’s for a nice price – $69.99. Too bad I don’t fucks with AF-1’s like that. I would copp the Mowabb ACG x AF-1 collabo for that price though.

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*Reminder: I wonder what the Vault is doing with those Mowabb AF-1’s?*

Since the Ave didn’t hold anything today that I wanted to squeeze off my grip on I made a move across Queens to one of my old stomping grounds called Jackson Heights. This is the ‘hood where you can get that chica Colombiana or that chica blanca. The only drug I came to copp today though is the high I get from smelling a crispy pair still in the box. You folks already know how I get down for some colorful shit. SprintII had just the shit the addict was looking for.

I’m gonna call these my NIKE SB ‘Cherry Garcias’.

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These joints are so fresh they even come with their own soundtrack.

TOMMY ROE – ‘Dizzy’

I was feeling myself[ll] since I found some fresh kicks , so I also got a shape up too.

You can hate me now.

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JILL SCOTT x BROOKLYN = 2-NITE!!!

Monday, August 11th, 2008

jill scott

Brothers, be forewarned:

Sisters will have the sassy swagger turned up to ten tonight.

Don’t forget that this is the FREE concert that Brooklyn has been waiting for.

I expect to see a whole lot of sexies with that silky smooth moisturized cocoa brown armfat.

You know that thick piece of meat that a sexy has right above her elbows.

armfatt

That meat is part muscle, from all the stuff we give the sisters to carry on their own.

That meat is also part fat, because it so, so very tender and sweet.

I like to grab that meat and massage it. Then smack it. Then massage it again.

If you like that meat as well I suggest you get yourself down here right after work.

I fucks with JILL SCOTT hardbody. She got the snap-rap anthem for all the armfat lovers.

Crown Royal

Note: You can’t bring in a cooler, but you can bring in food, and beverages provided they are NOT in glass bottles or cans.

C.S. has me carry one of those reusable bags from the supermarket which I fill with sandwiches, chips and green tea.

A veritable pick-a-nick negro I be.

DP.COM MANNY WATCH…

Sunday, August 10th, 2008

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The first third of August has seen MANNY RAMIREZ be the wet dream of all the fantasy league owners that have him on their roster. With an almost .500 batting average and nine RBI’s with four HR’s in 8 games someone needs to check MANNY’s piss for that HGH [ll].

There’s still alot of baseball left in August and September. Let’s see if MANNY can make the Dodgers a playoff team. Then, and maybe only then will he get his props from the press. PrA’li not though.

In other news around the league…

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BILLY WAGNER is on his way out of New York. How do I know this? The Marshall’s store in Queens that I frequent is having a run on BILLY WAGNER jerseys. Marshall’s only sell jerseys for people that no longer play for those respective teams.

You want a MIKE CAMERON Mets jersey? They got that. REYES or BELTRAN? Not so much.

And sports are totally ghey.

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POLITRICKS 2008: Loose Lips Sink Ships…

Saturday, August 9th, 2008

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Ocean’s 13 is now Ocean’s 12…

BERNIE MAC got merc’ked because he embarrassed OBAAMA in front of those good peoples, cussing and the what not.

If you don’t know how to speak properly when company comes over then you gon’ have to get these whuppins and stay in your room.

In this case though, “you gon’ has to dies.” – Kings of Comedyspeak

I think the Secret Service put some anthraxx in BERNIE MAC’s white girl. You know these Hollywood fools keep that white girl.

Speaking of kept white girls…

Did you see the broad that JOHN EDWARDS is reported to have had an affair with?

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All I have to say to this shit is “Nigger Puhleeeeze”.

JOHN EDWARDS is not getting $400 haircuts ot smash this broad. EDWARDS has a GOLAN CIPEL somewhere who lets him stick things in his doodoo pocket.

The only rich folks living in the South that want social equity for the disenfranchised are the queers. Everyone else is flying a Confederate flag from their porch and knitting sweaters with noose rope.

Mama Needs Some New Wigs…

Friday, August 8th, 2008

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Everybody nose why Jay-Z can’t leave rap alone.

I am not going to even front like I didn’t have some ‘Glow In The Dark’ dust sprinkled on my Lucky Charms last night when my fellow iNternets Celebrity homey CASIMIR NOZKOWSKI texted me from the encore concert at MSG. Jay-Z came out and did a preview of a song from what is rumored to be his next album project ‘Blueprint 3’.

I could only imagine how banana head the crowd was at that moment. Jay-Z is far from my favorite rapper, but dude is an undeniable legend in rap music. Even if I don’t like his albums as cohesive pieces of art, whatever that means, this nigga has hits for days. I remember the last time I saw Jay-Z in concert during his anniversary performance for ‘Reasonable Doubt’. The part of that show that blew off the roof was his encore set of random hits.

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Match up Jay-Z with KanYe West again and that project has all the potential to be a watershed moment in rap music history. Wow, what the hell kind of weed do these industry niggas pass around? I’m throwing out hyperbole like this is Christmas time and I don’t want Santa to consider the fact that I cursed him out for eleven months. Honestly, I’m still psyched from standing near Maxwell, Busta Rhymes and Double-O.

I’m a littled annoyed however that some people no longer choose to name their albums, as if the joints that preceded the latest were so unforgettable. In the real world of architecture if this is the third blueprint already maybe your design is flawed. The truth of the matter is that Jay-Z’s ‘Blueprint 3’ exec produced by KanYe West may be more like buying some shit from Cinnabon. It smells good as fuck, but after you taste that shit, not so much.

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KanYe and Jay have made hit songs though. Ever since the Dynasty album ‘Ye Tudda has been producing some memorable tracks for Jay-Z. My favorite by far is the ‘Takeover’ which sampled the classic Doors song ‘Five 2 One’. Let’s face it, these dudes have done it before and right now no one is hotter behind the boards than KanYe West . Not Timbo, not the Neptunes, and not even Jay’s number one hit-making producer Just Blaze.

The question that arises though is real and daunting…

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Who will find the goofier jacket to wear?

Okay not that question. This question…

Is Jay-Z up to the task of holding down his end of the project?

Jay-Z’s last two albums were cliché on one hand and retread on the other. ‘American Gangster’ did have some bright spots. ‘Kingdome Come’ had even fewer. I’m just thankful at least neither of them were titled Hard Knock Life: Volume 8.

With everything in the world going for him outside of rap music I wonder why in the world would he return to rapping. Someone needs to make sure that the folks slaving, er, serving at the 40/40 Club are getting their dental benefits.

Didn’t Jay-Z just reportedly also buy the company that makes all the Yankees fitted hats?

Whew, that was a close call. He might have had to start wearing Mets hats like NaS does. The Lord knows you haters would call him a biter.

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Then it dawned on me why Jay-Z was forced from retirement yet again…

BeYonce needs some new wigs.

You people wouldn’t understand just how expensive all BeYonce’s blonde hairpieces must be. I imagine them joints are crafted from the finest Russian orphan girl locks. None of that Chernobyl shit either. Straight Siberian foster home specials. I have never seen BeYonce wearing the same wig twice. She has Jay-Z grinding hard to keep her looking that good.

Plus ol’ boy is spending millions to keep her in the finest automobiles. And you know you cant put no low-test gas in the tank of a Rolls. That shit requires 101 octane. I will give Jay some credit though for being frugal when it comes to his own needs. Here he is with BeYonce at several different basketball games and even though his wife flips her wigs like no tomorrow he stays rocking the same black shirt.

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I think this collabo will be good for Jay-Z in that it might give him a chance to let that bitch breathe. Maybe Jay-Z can bring ‘Ye Tudda with him to a few Nets games. It must be a pain in the ass to always have to tell BeYonce where the ball is. And speaking of where the balls are stashed, or rather where the balls are kept (these metaphors can go on for days)…

Mark your calendars for the last weekend in October. That’s when Jay-Z’s roommate LARRY JOHNSON (supercalifragilistic double-entendre [ll] to anyone with the surname Johnson) comes to town to play against the Jets. I can just see Jay-Z, KanYe, BeYonce and LArray all up that midtown apartment playing Jenga and Connect4 [ll].

When Lupe stops by they make him walk to Brooklyn for some cheesecake.

Yeah, goodtimes… Actually, G.O.O.D.times.

So this is why I am hyped for the ‘Blueprint 3’ album. It has classic potential just from the talent that will be involved in making it a reality, and most importantly it gives me a reason to enjoy this rap music blogging shit.

Oh yeah, and one last thing…

Handshakes >>> Kisses

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