Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

Mommy, What’s a Hipster?

Saturday, January 14th, 2006

hipsters

The new Negro Intelligentsia (BYRON CRAWFORD and The Assimilated Negro) have weighed in on this topic and since I live in the heart of ‘HipsterLand’ properly known as Brooklyn New York, I thought I should contribute something to the discussion.

The Hipster phenomena isn’t exclusive to New York City although we are the Hipster capital (sort of like the place where the Hipsters convene and create their memoranda). They have spread to cities like Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, Atlanta, Washington D.C. and Detroit. I see them on a level with other cults groups like the Jehovah Witnesses and Hare Krishnas. They populate low income minority neighborhoods because the property values are so diminished they are able to buy expansive buildings. In middle income neighborhoods the same property would be double+ the cost. The Hipster typically furnishes his/her property with items discarded by the local neighborhood residents. In this manner they are perceived by the locals as being less well off than they are and this brings them into the affections of the local residents. The Hipster diet consists solely of non-menthol cigarettes and cheap domestic beer. Hipster attire is often an amalgamation of items that have been salvaged from local trashbins and the more oft than not thrift store purchase. Hipsters give each other kudos on how inexpensive and uncoordinated their outfits are. For instance, Brad will tell Becky how splendid her patined-leather galooshes look with her woolen overalls. She will compliment him likewise and he will say that he spent $.56 on his entire ensemble.

I am not knocking Hipsters for their apparent devaluation of materialism. Their heads are in the right places when it comes to securing property on the cheap. Lesbian hipsters are famous for starting neighborhood gardens in the vacant lots adjoining their properties.

lezbo hipsters

By living in these low income minority neighborhoods the Hipsters acquire what they percieve to be an intimacy with the lifestyles and values of the locals. Thereby removing themselves from the possibility of being labeled as intolerant when they adorn their automobile with a Confederate flag. The Hipsters are simply mocking the intolerance that symbol represents, while simultaneously mocking the need for people to place flags of any kind on an automobile. I fully understand and appreciate the irony that Hipsters are trying to express. To that extent I have created a line of tee shirts that also uses irony to hopefully foster some kind of understanding.

I have sold only four so far, but if you enjoy this website, and you have a keen understanding of irony, I would love for you to help me ‘KILL WHITE TEE!

KILL WHITE TEE!

HOE SIT DOWN!

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

I smell pussy!

I have no problem with TRINA dating BABY from CASH MONEY and then getting passed down to his wardie/lover/son LIL’ WEEZIE, but rumors have BENZINO getting his salad tossed by the ‘Diamond Princess’ as well. Additional rumors are that MISSY ELLIOT taught her how to administer a prostate exam. No EFFING homo!

Note to TRINA: Please give your hot pocket a minute to cool off. Adult celibacy can be a restorative, reflective time for you to work on some of your other skills like…

hold my umbrella!
azz cheese all gone

Awright, fuck the celibacy, but please could you at least put the animal print underoos on pause? shouts to CRIZZZUNK.

grrrrrr-animal

KELIS JONES KEEPS IT REAL!!!

Tuesday, January 10th, 2006

get it girl

I owe NAS’ wife some credit for “being true to thine self” and also being able to take a joke. Someone must have sent her this DP.Com link.

chewleese

I really owe my homegirl FRESH from Crunk and Disorderly for staying so icy on her grizzly.

2006 2nd Annual HOT AZZ MESS Awards

Tuesday, January 10th, 2006

mama combs

SEND US SOME H.A.M.!!!

Despite the stiff competition, The 1st Annual H.A.M. Awards were won by a bunch of pre-op jive turkeys (extra extra BOUTROS BOUTROS BOUTROS no homo to that last sentence and link). We wanted to kick this years contest off a little early so I am asking you to e-mail pictures and websites to BLU CHEEZ so that he can start putting it all together.

MAMA COMBS has already signed on to be one of ghetto celeb judges. By the way, I am really feeling the hair color Mrs.C.

for me to poop on.

The BeYONCE Factor featuring JENNIFER LOPEZ

Sunday, January 8th, 2006

j-e-l-l-o

I haven’t done a BeYONCE Factor in months, but I have been recently smitten with JENNIFER LOPEZ so I figured we should put her through the Factor just to see how she rates. J_LO is already at a disadvantage because her big screen ‘Carmen’ project has just been canned by Hollywood. The studio execs didn’t think that J_Licious had the single-handed star power to turn a profit for that classic love story.

Hollywood needs to wake up and recognize the spending power of the Mexican diaspora. As Americas’ most burgeoning demographic there’s gold up in them thar’ hills. And for all the guys that would love to give a facial to the daughter of their landscaper, JENNIFER LOPEZ is their top choice.

Do you bitches remember how the Factor works?!? We list several titles from BeYONCE songs and see how close our contestant comes to completing the title. BeYONCE would recieve 100 points for each Factor item. O.K. here we go again…

JENNIFER LOPEZ
1) Can you say her name – 0 (as a name, JENNIFER has no street cred)
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (she is still eating off her ‘In Living Color’ scrilla)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 (J_LO is set to outpace ELIZABETH TAYLOR for number of times married)
4) Does she have a soldier – 100 (more downloads on U.S. Army computers than JENNA JAMESON)
5) Cater to you – 100 (Mexican women are tragically domesticated)
6) Dangerously in love – 150 (arrest record from Club New York shoot out with former beau PIDDY puts J_HO over the top)
7) Bootylicious – 100 (the most selected posterior in the history of anaplasty)

JENNIFER LOPEZ’ BeYONCE FACTOR totals = 650 points

J_LO came damn close to Ms.B, but lets be honest, an arrest record is only for trashy divas.