Archive for the ‘Maxed Out’ Category

Incarcerated Scarfaces Politic Ditto by MAXINE

Friday, March 14th, 2008

laundry

Editor’s note: Political scandals involving sex and money is when MAXINE pulls out the ratchet and starts gunning down clowns. She takes aim today at the usual suspects.

Money laundering is the new sexy. Remember when that shit used to be capital Murder a/k/a Murder One? Oh, you don’t believe me? I remember when all you had to do was look like a killer and Giuliani’s goons would have your nuts in a vice grip. Do you hear me? VICE motherfuckers, VICE. Couldn’t nothing make Donna Hanover’s pussy wetter than a first degree murder charge, believe that (Mo money! Mo money!). Nowadays you can cap a motherfucker and still make it home before the body gets cold. That is if the person who you merc’ked wasn’t a white co-ed who happened to be the student body president at UNC.

You are fucked nigga, they gon put your ass UNDER the jail… Bwaaaahahahaha.

Moving the fuck on, as I was saying, capital murder just ain’t what it used to be. Money laundering, now that’s where the real glory is, that’s the real slick rebel shit to get down with these days and I can’t really say I’m that mad. Fuck the IRS, if it wasn’t a shame I would have changed my party affiliation just so I could vote for Mike Huckabee, who would abolish the IRS. Now he is a white man who understands the principalities of this here financial thang, keep all your money, spend it where you want, and try to avoid the man at all costs. It’s a damn shame we all got caught up in that concept thing. Pockets woulda stayed fat for 2008, it’s called the Fair Tax Act, look it up because while I’m tempted to rant, this drop is not about the Fair Tax Act, Mike Huckabee or Geraldine Ferarro’s geriatric ass.

Money laundering is essentially washing or “laundering” dirty money made so through illegal and often criminal activity. Yes you read that right, illegal and often criminal, the two are not one in the same and I’ll explain why later. According to Wikipedia, the Anti-Laundering Network, and my cousin Raheim, laundering occurs in three phases:

  • 1. Placement- the point of entry so to speak. This is the first action to obtain the funds and is usually illegal and/or criminal
  • 2. Layering- the cover-up. An intricate process, Layering is the set up of networks designed to hide the Placement connection.
  • 3. Integration-the funds are returned to the economy clean and devoid of any criminal and/or illegal activity. It’s like the stimulus package
  • Oh that “shot in the arm” for all taxpaying Americans coming before the summer? Dirty money. Americans are about to take part in a laundering scheme that would make Harriet Tubman blush. $145 Billion washed white as a virgin. Well, a virgin who isn’t from Iowa anyway, but you get the point. See, this type of shit happens every day, and it doesn’t become a big deal until a governor’s handlers lose sight of his dick and he starts fucking every brunette with a price tag. Then the comptrollers and shit come a knockin’ and now what to do?

    The Patriot [no Robert Kraft] Act of 2001 makes it increasingly easy and non-evasive (meaning your ass don’t know about it) to track bank transactions. All banks (all of them…even yours) are required to report any transactions over $10,000.01 as “suspicious activity.” Somehow the
    government came up with this minimum amid fears of terrorist financing, you know the terrorists, the ones who listen in to our phone calls and use satellites to track what TV we watch and what music we buy. Eh, or we could be talking about the crazy ass extremists who took over our planes and crashed those bitches, but you get the point. The real deal is that if you got $10,000 or more and you ain’t told Uncle Sam how many times he can fuck your girl, or your little brother for that matter, you broke the law son!

    Money launderers have no voice these days, those who dare evade the financial laws of this great Union doth pay the price. We all know the big names, Benazir Bhutto (tips my Styrofoam cup), Irv Gotti (check yo watch partna’, cause your time is almost up), Manual Noriega, Senator Davis from the Wire, the list goes on and on. Fame and publicity lead to the glamour effect of laundering money and getting caught, but see the point is NOT to get caught and not everyone who is making dirty money clean is laundering millions of dollars, nor is everyone doing this shit to gain political power or leverage.

    Take Twanda Carlisle for example. Carlisle is a former City Council-Woman in the most ‘hood councilmatic district in the city of Pittsburgh. Through a series of complex layering and fake consulting, in 2006 she laundered more, but not much more, than $43,000 and she did it all for a mink coat!!! Once the scandal came to light, they promptly sent her ass upstate. Now remind you Carlisle initially won her seat through a coin toss but hey, she understood the ‘hood and there are a lot of people still living in her district that stand by her even today. Upstate, that’s where she’s chilling right now, and they made her give back the mink. DAMNIT!

    jigger please Selling drugs is Illegal. Selling drugs to your community, making a shit ton of money and investing it in a rap label, making a shit ton more money, then fucking your business partner by buying out his share and giving it to a short Jewish guy who doesn’t think building a fucking STADIUM in the boro of Brooklyn will cause additional heavy traffic is CRIMINAL. Do I make sense?

    slick willie Lying under oath is Illegal. Lying on the witness stand after getting some brain from a crazy broad who kept the jizz-stained dress after the encounter and then moving your ass up to Harlem, raising property taxes, playing the saxophone, eating at Silvia’s and thinking you identify with the Black experience is CRIMINAL. Tell me I’m lying!?!

    This is what living in a capitalistic society will make you do for a dollar. This is what people will do for a dollar.

    Damn.

    Cash Rules Everything Around Me.

    Let Me Clear My Throat by MAXINE

    Thursday, March 6th, 2008

    yeller

    Editor’s note: The new name for domestic violence is Intimate Partner Abuse. Get familiar bitches.

    I was going to write about this crazy drama that happened in my building parking lot last week, a la Amadeo’s experience, and it would have been a good story. It involved three homeless people, their shopping cart, a six floor balcony and my regular’s BMW and then, to quote CeezDiem, “I saw this motherfucking video.”

    Now let us all get up on our Hip Hop and R&B high horses about Ashanti’s singing, the song’s production, the money laundering, the fucking for tracks, about how this wack ass music isn’t even on our level, yada yadda ya. The point is that this music video is going to be, if it hasn’t already been, seen by millions of people. Premiering on BET last week and running in heavy rotation this week, it’s clear that Ashanti isn’t going to sell any records but everybody’s going to see her damn video. We all know the motto:

    Sex: If you’ll splay it, we’ll play it!

    I love music. I will listen to most anything at least three times before I make a decision. I have a CRAZY music library made up of everything from Suzanne Vega to DJ Khaled. Yes, even DJ Khaled. I know what you are thinking, but I’m always down for a party record. Trust me, I’m not banging it on the regular. Oh, and pause to banging Khaled on my regular.

    What’s frustrating is that the people at BET will have us believe that the programming on that channel reflects the entertainment needs and standards of the Black community in a culturally relevant and sensitive way. In honor of MY favorite show, Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit!!!

    Apparently this video is a not so loose spin-off of the Oxygen channel’s ‘Snapped.’ Have you ever seen that show? Basically it’s real life crime analysis from friends, reporters detectives and the like, of women and cases where they went bat shit and fucked somebody up. You know, a woman scorned type shit. The lady who ran her husband over with her Mercedes and then backed up and did it again a few times, remember her? They featured her on the show, to give you an example of these brawlic bitches.

    Maybe I was busy when I glanced at the video for the first time, I already knew the concept, but it took my second viewing before I realized that the direction of the video was not to create the illusion that Ashanti had killed her cheating lover, but to remove all doubt. She stabbed him with a knife from the kitchen they shared. They show dude in the bathtub, a presumed dead body, a 911 call, complete with grainy mugshot footage, rushed and hurried court scenes and the raw and emotional agony at the loss of life at the hands of a loved one.

    Cut to Ashanti breathing hard in a bathtub with perfectly applied eye shadow. Wait! It’s only entertainment.

    This is not the first time Ashanti has dabbled in the intricacies of domestic violence (you may remember “Rain on Me”) but it is certainly the more graphic of the two. What the fuck is wrong with people? Ashanti just don’t know. Cheating, jilted, and delusional spouses exist in our
    communities, on our blocks, in the next house over.

    In January of 2007 in a small town on the East Coast, months after they separated, this man fatally shot his wife. Four times in the chest, point blank with a .357 Magnum. It was reported that this man thought his wife was cheating on him while they were still together; town lore is that the marriage was over for years, “just neither of them knew it…” Allegedly this man went around this small town on the East Coast in 2007 the weekend before the murder telling people that his wife only had 48 hours to live. No one believed him though.

    As the story goes, on that fateful day in January, the man shot his wife, four times in the chest, point blank with a .357 Magnum. Turns out this woman had children, four of them and three grandchildren. The woman’s teenage son was at home from school sick that day and he arrived at the house where the murder occurred, his grandmother’s house. There he saw the yellow Police ape, his mother’s car doors opened, detectives swirling about, he was taken to the hospital and told nothing. Family members were called, prayers were said.

    “Hi. Are you okay? I just wanted to let you know that I am praying to God and asking Him to intervene and make a way…”

    “Don’t worry,” people said to the woman’s family. “She’s going to be okay.”

    But it wasn’t okay and it never would be again, because she was gone. Gone. She was killed by her husband of 24 years, father to her four children and Grandfather to her three grandchildren. He shot her four times in the chest, point blank with a .357 Magnum in a small town on the East Coast in January 0f 2007.

    Maybe we should thank Ashanti for her crafty, creative, innovative way of showing true life. Let’s encourage artists to continue to speak on these very real experiences. It’s working!!!

    Are you not entertained?

    Are you not entertained?!

    Isn’t that why you are here!?!

    Graff Grrrls Regulate by MAXINE

    Thursday, February 21st, 2008

    graff girl

    Editor’s note: Before MAXINE came to us at DP Dot Com she lived the life of a rebel outlaw in Pittsburgh. Okay, she wasn’t an outlaw, but a post-grad college student. Walk with her though as she recalls a night on the tough streets of Steel City.


    Writers!

    We regulate any tagging of this property
    And we’re damn good too
    But you can’t be any Toy off the street,
    Gotta be handy with the spray know what I mean?
    Earn your keep

    *Regulator Cru… Mount Up!*

    It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
    Maxine was on the streets trying to consume
    some cans for the eve so I could get some ups,
    cruising in my Nike’s chillin all alone.

    Just hit the Eastside of the KCC*
    On a mission trying to find J-A-C-E*
    Seen a car full of Toys ain’t no need to tweak,
    All them cats know what’s up with Jace and me

    So we hooks a left on Dallas and Penn
    We saw a backjump so I said, “I’m in”
    Jace opened up her bag, and popped one off
    We saw the blue lights and I said, “We’re fucked”

    Since these girls ain’t scared we stood our ground
    5-0- didn’t even notice and they turned around
    Could you think of better luck? Not the end of the night
    We said at the same time – “This must be right.”

    I’m in the zone, I’m scaring myself
    We bombed that wall ’til there was no space left
    To finish it off we threw up our set
    I looked at Jace and said, “Yo, what’s next?”

    Me and my homie laced up and went Underground
    The rain in the tunnel was the only sound
    We walked down three stairs and got to a door
    The password for entry was “Pettifore”

    They got Patron on ice, the blunts all rolled
    I took a hit of both so I wouldn’t seem cold
    As time went by it was getting late
    Four shots of Patron had me in another state

    Bass pumping at 30, DJ on the mic
    The Cru buying shots so everybody’s right
    The Glamorous life, One More Chance
    Hip Hop in the building, everybody in a trance

    We had our hands in the air it was quarter to five
    At that point we saw the Sun was about to rise
    I grabbed my bag as we made our way out
    For the ride home we sipped on some Guinness Stout

    I got to the crib, and my eyes was red
    A definite sign I needed to go straight to bed
    If you roll like I roll, you a live graff artist
    This is a Warren G sample funked out with a Maxine twist

    If you tag like we tag then you up like everyday
    If the Rusto’s in your backpack 412 will regulate…
    (let the beat knock)

    I’m scribing into a whole new era
    Max, step to this, I dare ya
    Words, on a whole new stage
    The noun is the verb and the verb turns the page…

    * instrumentals provided by Cocaine Blunts

    graff girl

    You Know We Keep That White Girl by MAXINE

    Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

    prince paul party

    Editor’s note: If it is Black History Month then you know how Prince Paul is doing his thing at A.P.T. DP Dot Com’s very own evolutionary journalist MAXINE takes a hot line and makes it a hotter blog.

    I was hood-winked! Bamboozled! Led astray! How could I, a so-called fan of Hip Hop, believe for one flying second that a rapper would actually tell a white girl to “get the fuck off the stage!”? Paris Hilton? Puh-leease. She’ll throw you out. Shit, she’ll throw your mother out. Fuck outta here.

    Reportedly during a party at the Sundance Film Festival, Curtis and crew were performing and some blonde white chick resembling Paris Hilton (don’t they all resemble Paris Hilton?) jumped on stage to which Fif responded, “Get the fuck off my stage!” Hilton, crying, was then removed from the stage protesting that, “It’s my birthday party!” I should have known this story was too good to be true, besides, Paris and Fif have always been chummy, but maybe, just maybe someone was sick of her shit. Eh, wishful thinking young Max, wishful thinking.

    paris fisty

    According to Whoo Kid, it was “some security guard nigga” that got kicked off the stage. Reason? The “nigga kept picking shit up off the stage, pushing people back while we was performing.” What? First of all, I don’t give a fuck who is getting thrown off a stage at a fucking 50 Cent concert, but these cats kicked the nigga off the stage for doing his job? Security guard right? So he was um well, securing some shit. Anyway, Paris was right down front, doing that slightly altered dancing thing that cute white girls with blonde hair do at rap concerts.

    This is not about Paris Hilton. This is not about 50 Cent. The real story does not surprise me at all, for ages white girls have been using Hip Hop to gain credibility in circles for which they were truly never built. Paris Hilton is a perfect case in point. This is more about the relationships between white women and Black men that go far beyond the “Rapture.”

    The media and people who conduct sociology polls will have you believe that more relationships between Black men and white women in modern society shows progress in our desire to relinquish the chains that bound us to slavery. Some take the less kum-by-ya approach and believe that Frances Cress Welsing’s theory about the system of White Supremacy has a little more to do with it.

    seal heidi

    According to Welsing, the system attacks nine key areas of people’s activity. I know it’s Black History Month but some of you are just going to have to pick up a fucking book to learn the whole concept. I’m focusing on the most familiar part, sex. It is the positioning of a Black man’s ability to “force” himself on white females, leaving the blemish of coloring, which makes this type of relationship so feared in our society, then and today.

    It is not an uncommon theory that Black men who date white women are doing so for that pleasurable stroking sensation to the ego that comes with bucking society’s rules and causing frenzy amongst those who really run this shit. Having a blonde on your arm for the company Christmas party is a plus too. We know that this is really a challenge to the white male dominance that has plagued Black men for a million years; you don’t win an arm wrestling match by reaching for your wallet right? The only way to win an arm wrestling match is by having the bigger arm!!! Make sense?

    I am not saying that all white girls who run with Hip Hop cats are fucking these said Black men. I’m sure there are tons of white girls who are really into Hip Hop, the music, the lyricism, the lifestyle, sure a lot of them live on the upper West Side of Manhattan, or in Beverly Hills, or Coconut Grove (what up Fla?) but they enjoy the music and it has nothing at all to do with that Mandingo thing.

    kim bush

    In our present society, interracial relationships are normal and accepted, as they should be. People should be able to do whomever they like without judgment. I will say though that white girls in the music industry and in general are taking a few liberties that I’m not okay with. I know this is a throw back but, who in the fuck authorized Britney Spears to cover ” My Prerogative?” Back when that song was knocking, if a white girl was on the receiving end of Bobby’s pelvic thrusts, his ass would have been up a pole faster than Kim Kardashian could say “Bush.”

    Yes, yes, yes. White men have been fucking Black women for a million years too but the unique relationships and exceptions between Black men and white women are more clearly defined by racist overtones that exist in our everyday society and are ignored until somebody’s ass gets killed. Remember that crazy ass cop who killed his white pregnant girlfriend in Ohio? When I saw their kid on TV, I remember thinking, “Oh shit, that’s a brother, he’s fucked.” Then I turned the damn channel.

    I’m not trying to make an argument of the most oppressed. I mean, I’m sure that not all Asian women are hypersexualized and cold-blooded like the characters played by Lucy Liu, right? Right? I’m sure that not all Black women who have problems with their fathers and other Black men in their lives, can’t appreciate the love, affection and value in a Brother. Right? Right?


    honey molasses…
    ebony majesty…
    chocolate brown sugar…
    sweet epiphany…

    juice

    Can’t Vote Me Nothing by MAXINE

    Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

    ye tudda

    Editor’s note: MAXINE explains that we shouldn’t hate the delegates, we should hate the game.

    February 5, 2008 will be the largest primary election day in history. More people will vote, caucus and talk political rhetoric bullshit on this day than in any other day in the history of this Republic, I mean, the history of this Democracy. 52 percent of Democratic delegates are at stake, with 41 percent on the Republican side. 24 states will participate in “Super Tuesday” and will likely tell the story and set the tone of following state primaries.

    Purple states, meaning those states that hold primaries for both parties, make up the majority of those participating and also hold the most delegates. See, delegates are what really matter, a candidate can win caucuses and primaries all day but if those states don’t have any delegates, it doesn’t matter. Delegates go to the Convention, and delegates cast the
    votes the votes get the nominations.

    Florida, along with Michigan was recently stripped of its Democratic delegates by the DNC because of disagreements over the date of the state primary, thus making any Democratic wins in each state in name only.

    Super Tuesday can make or break the ass of any candidate in either party, some of history’s most popular candidates owe the watersheds of success to the first Tuesday in the earliest month of the election year. Bill Clinton got his Phoenix [No Roc-a-fella Records] on in 1992 when he rose from the ash to claim several key southern primary states, and their delegates. Clinton later of course, went on to win the Democratic nomination and later the presidency. Bob Dole experienced this same swell of support in his Republican bid in 1996.

    With all the hoopla surrounding the 2008 primaries, let’s focus on the numbers but also the states and the amount of weight each carries. For example Georgia has approximately 102 delegates, New York has 232 democratic delegates, Illinois has 135 and California has a whopping 370 delegates. Now obviously all 370 delegates in Cali don’t count, matter, or even exist but the point is to make people believe their significance with out any evidence, nothing new. While GA, has the least delegates of the states listed, it still carries considerable weight in the bigger picture.

    Corporations, businesses, drug operations, and even the rap world are all representations of this delegation system created by the United States. At the end of the day it’s a caste system based on street credibility.

    Make sense?

    We clarify by asking the question of quantity or quality? Sure, New York has 232 delegates up for grabs, but how far does that number stretch? For example, how many NY rappers can you think of that have collaborated with rappers from Georgia? Go!

  • 1. Welcome to Atlanta-remix (Puffy and Jermaine Dupri)
  • 2. Money ain’t a thang-(Jermaine Dupri and Jay-Z)
  • 3. Walk it out remix-Jim Jones and what’s his name?
  • I could think of more but those were the first three that popped in my head, and as often when asked to make a list, I think from best to worst.

    One more?

    Illinois is carrying heavy weight, based on the history of political strife (I mentioned JFK in an earlier drop) and the level of creativity to come out of the Chi alone. Go!

  • 1. Kanye
  • 2. Common
  • 3. R.Kelly
  • 4. Lupe Fiasco
  • Are you getting the point? Illinois comes out strong immediately, Jay-Z (NY connection) to Kanye, Ye’ to Common, and Lupe Fiasco, etc. Now some places get serious rotation based on one or two people alone. Example, Ohio has Lebron James (Jay-Z connect) making James what we’d call a Super Delegate, heavy in stature and name but light on previously un-needed collaborations.

    Kind of like cross multiplication, this theory can be used to figure out who is coming out the strongest amongst the Democrats on Super Tuesday. For the dems we know it’s coming down to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, turning this into Chicago vs. New York. Cross delegation homie! On the surface, NY is the clear winner, with Jay-Z being the major umbrella [ella ella] for Kanye and many others but because so many people are pissed at Jay, we can make an argument for lot of un-owned delegates who are making moves.

    Kanye West collaborated with DJ Khaled (remember, Florida has no delegates) on a song called “Grammy Family,” on that song, John Legend (Ohio) sang the hook. Also featured on that song was Consequence (New York), an honorary member of A Tribe Called Quest (New York), who you may remember had a small tift with a Chicago rapper by the name of Lupe Fiasco (Chicago) after a performance. Also performing at that event was Keyshia Cole (Cali) whose first album boasted of production by Kanye West (Chicago). Keyshia’s reality show is run by the Black Explotation Team, largely based in New York City and home of the Gawd-awful 106 & Park, formerly hosted by Free (Boston) who was rumored to be pregnant by Jay-Z (New York) who truthfully “wants to rhyme like Common Sense” (Chicago).

    It has been speculated (and confirmed by some) that at a concert at Madison Square Garden, an associate of Jay-Z pepper sprayed R.Kelly (Chicago) in the face, because of an interruption to the concert. During the interim, Usher (Atlanta) took the stage in an impromptu performance. At a recent rally in South Carolina, Usher made an appearance in support of Senator Barack Obama (Chicago), candidate for President of the United States of America.

    2/5/08= 15 1+5=6. 6 degrees of delegation, now you try.

    *Do you think about me now and then?*

    ye tudda