With all the dumbazz jig award shows I feel like I am always watching a bunch of clown azz coons tapdance on stage and then pat themselves on the back. The NAACP Image Awards, The Vibe Magazine Awards, The Essence Magazine Awards, The Soul Train Awards, the fucking Source Awards!!! Nobody on the planet has this need to give themselves credit for nothing like the American jiggaboo does. I pray to GOD that I won’t have to watch the T.I.’s favorite lawnjockey host another jig festival for the upcoming OSCARS.
It’s time for us to give ourselves our own awards for all the years that we have chased behind these celebrities to the point that we would run outside naked just to get into a party that we heard P.DIDDY was going to be at. We azzholes deserve our own special awards.
So inspired by my homegirl FRESH is the 2005 1st Annual H.A.M. Pageant. FRESH has popularized a category for people who don’t know when to say when. The H.A.M. can be a female or a male. It can be a psuedo-celebrity (VIVICA A. FOX) or a ghetto celeb (BISHOP DON JUAN), but in most cases H.A.M.’s are regular folks just like you and I. What makes a regular person into a H.A.M. is where the talent comes to the front. These folks went that extra mile even after conventional wisdom and their best friends told them to stop. These folks went all the way and the deserve our appreciation.
By the way… H.A.M. stands for HOT AZZ MESS!
