Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

Everybody Hates Chris…

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

puppylover

Memo to TINA DAVIS: Lose the puppy, replace with a kitten…

Who will be the evil villain for Women’s History Month? I guess the general consensus is that CHRIS BROWN will be the 2009 bad boy(no P.Twitty). Even OPRAH and ELLEN DeGENRES have trained their mighty media guns on BROWN.

The question I have now though is what discussion do we have to fix this problem? Yes. CHRIS BROWN is bad. Yes. CHRIS BROWN is evil. But domestic violence didn’t begin with CHRIS BROWN and if all we do is look at that dude then domestic violence doesn’t end with CHRIS BROWN either.

I believe in something I call the ‘Single Smack’ rule and this applies to both men and women. There are times when everyone deserves a single smack. Maybe their wires are just crossed that day or they simply need that pop to return their focus. Remember how you used to have to smack your television onetime to make the picture clearer? This is the premise behind the ‘Single Smack’ rule. The idea is that if you have to smack anything more than once it is prA’li broken and that applies to home electronics and especially relationships.

Lord knows that C.S. has wanted to smack me once or thrice in the years that we have dated and I certainly have wanted to introduce her to my five fingered friend on at least one occasion. That we haven’t smacked each other yet I believe has to do with the fact that neither of us is too serious about our personal feelings. Meaning, we let shit slide off of us for the most part. I know I do. My life is too short to be hitting broads just because they don’t listen to all the dumb shit I have to say. But the ‘Single Smack’ rule stays in effect.

I think someone needs to introduce CHRIS BROWN and RIHANNA to the ‘Single Smack’ rule. I’m sure they will find themselves in this situation again because most of us know that the text CHRIS BROWN received was from the other dude and not the other chick. I don’t think he will break that habit off too soon since its what put him in the spotlight in the first place. Will the ‘Single Smack’ rule save CHRIS and RIHANNA from being tabloid fodder in the future? Yes is the answer to that. No one has ever called the police after getting a single smack.

Listen to Ghostface Killah tell it…

KeiStar Productions Is For The Ladies…

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

soul sista

This is where I can guarantee it will be on and popping this Friday evening. KeiStar Productions is the worldwide soulful adult party movement. You can catch them in Washington D.C., San Francisco, Los Angeles and of course New York City.

The Soul Sister party is a proper salute to Women’s History Month and it features all of your favorite dance music by your favorite female artists. CHAKA KHAN, MARY J. BLIGE, ALICIA KEYS, PATTI LaBELLE, BeYONCE, all of that.

Bring yourself out for this party Brooklyn, Queens, Long Island…

KeiStar Produtions presents Soul Sista
03.13.09.
@ Sputnik Bar
262 Taaffe Place (bet Dekalb & Willoughby Aves-Near Classon)
10pm

Here’s a look at the crowd at a KeiStar Productions jumpoff…

soul sista

soul sista

JESSICA RABBIT FTW!

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

jessica

Jessica Rabbit >>> JESSICA BIEL x JESSICA SIMPSON + JESSICA ALBA and the square root of JESSICA LANGE.

You do the math…

Jessica Rabbit’s official measurements are 40-23-40.

That is what you should affectionately call a brick shithouse. Barbie might be 50yrs old, but she doesn’t have a hotdamn thing on Jessica Rabbit.

My whole Jessica Rabbit drop flew out of my head after I peeped this video from Royal who found this Woman’s History Month angel from the pr0n don a/k/a H8torade

UPDATE * UPDATE * UPDATE * UPDATE * UPDATE

Here’s a Women’s History Month bonus video from our good friends over at Random Thoughts for those of you that felt a little weird watching the little kids in the background of the previous clip.

FREE MICHAEL VICK!

Friday, February 27th, 2009

It’s not like he was abusing kittens like CHRIS BROWN or whoever the kid was that 4chan outed.

What if Robo-BeYonce hypnotized CHRIS BROWN and told him to put the JEFF GILLOOLY business on homegirl because she was starting to get more shine than the real BeYONCE who is now the DOROTHY DAINDRIDGE doppelganger after being the faux ETTA JAMES and the bootleg TINA TURNER?

The realest shit about BeYONCE be her damn weaves.

You know them joints is prA’li missile-proof too?

Getting So High…

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

high

Mom and I went to the famous High Museum in downtown Atlanta yesterday. It was mom’s first trip off the campus of the rehab facility. She doing better but she is still a ways off from returning home. I was hoping that a trip around Atlanta would pick up her spirits and her motivation get back to living her life (no T.I./Rihanna song).

Incidentally, I am loving this T-Pain song ‘Blame It On The Alcohol’ for all the wrong reasons. T-Pain is an evil genius songwriter that should be using his power to bring water to Africa. Instead his is a pitchman for Patron.

The High Museum is a magnificent piece of architecture. The building itself is engaging and interactive. There are plenty of rooms to zone out in and there is also a ton on natural light being filtered through the spaces. When you observe shit through natural sunlight you get to register the added depth of some works.

My mom had been reading about the exhibit featuring China’s first emperor. This dude was an incredible leader. He conscripted hundreds of thousands of people to erect and unify the northern walls of China. The emperor also had his subjects build an enormous underground burial complex with a total area of 23 square miles. Inside were terracotta statues of his army, infantry and cavalry. Two thousand statues.

high

Not coincidentally, but all this stuff was made over two thousand years ago in something 200 B.C. The Chinese were experts as mass producing shit from way back. This is why they have this manufacturing shit on lock. They had their industrial revolution two thousand years before the rest of the planet.

My mom saw some red earrings that she liked which featured Chinese symbols for health on a coral tablet. I had the money to copp them thanks to the prA’li movement. Y’all em-effs are dope like that. I will be making a video with mom dukes introducing her to y’all. I took her back to the facility just in time for her to get down with the dinner they had prepared. Shit had shrimp on it. Dukes was happy. She knew she won today.

Later on I went back to the museum for a Valentine’s Day party they were hosting. It was something like my favorite museum’s 1st Saturday party except Brooklyn Museum of Art has never had $5 Alize specials. I went in pretty hard on the ‘Ze. In a little while I was joined by ANGELA from ProperTalks and MARC from The Winner Circles.

Check both of those sites out like now!

The night was young by the time the museum let out so we decided to keep the party rocking by hitting up some spots in the area. The first joint was the 5-Spot in Little 5 Points. MARC surveyed the party and came back out letting us know that is wasn’t worth our time to go inside. We motored to the next spot and parked our cars. ANGELA is such a lady and she decided that it was time to return to her husband before she got CHRIS BROWN’d on Valentine’s Day.

ANGELA was smart too. She wasn’t ready to witness the debauchery that MARC and I were about to get into. Er, MARC was about to get into I meant to say. Dude has one of those imperial swaggers where he knows everyone and no one can tell him nothing. The name of the second party was Sloppy Seconds and that is all I needed to know in the first place.

high

We slipped into the joint through the back door. The V.I.P. entrance actually. The spot is like a sick trance rave party where all the party goers have pre-gamed their night with something more hardbody than the kush that MARC had sparked for me earlier. These debutantes and prom queens were on coke and E for sure. They stumbled up to the doorman in their new high heels which made these chicks actually higher than they needed to be.

It was a wild scene up in this party. This dude stumbles up the ramp leading into the man dance space and just pukes his face off. MARC and I are already high so you can imagine that we are tickled pink by this. I walk over to the vomit and inspect it. I point out the chunk that I imagine to be the piece of chicken. Hilarity ensues. MARC is a dark individual like myself and we both realize the joy we will have when we witness someone slip on the puke. MARC calls this the “vomit slide”.

Tons of chicks are coming into the party. Ridiculous broads with stripper bodies. This spot is definitely the cokehead jumpoff. Chicks are wearing literally nothing but their stilettos. MARC meets a few of the friendlier chicks. His new name will have to be David CoppaFeel’d. As the party’s intensity and crowd is ratcheted up another level MARC runs into a concert and party promoter who throws him a blunt just because. At the very second after I give the promoter dude my last business card we all watch this chick in a tiny little skirt slip on the throwup.

I lose my shit.

I got so high in Atlanta.

high