I have just reached the aw3s0me benchmark (for me) of having 500 people subscribe to my Twitter feed. To celebrate this momentous occasion I have developed some software that I believe will be the future of social netwoking.
“Am using this software that allows me to chat on AIM, Gmail, MySpace, Friendster, BlackPlanet and my Skype acct.
It’s called Sphinctron3000”
Not to be confused with the Sphincter 3000…
Endorsed by Andre3000
Twit with me @ DP2FTV
I think I will zag while most people are zigging. I will still Zig-Zag in 2009, actually, I am doing more bonging and bowling. I never really zagged at all. Especially since the Gonzaga basketball team is affectionately nicknamed the ‘Zags in the mainstream sports media. White men can’t jump. My point is that I like to do shit different not just to do shit different but to do shit on a more futuristic level.
How many nickel and dime fools are talking about 2008 like that shit was all that? Nothing happened in 2008 that is gonna change shit in 2009, but in 2016 we will have the first woman president of the United States of America and that will bring all kinds of crazy shit into our lives. We won’t even hardly be listening to rap music by then. The kids will be listening to this crazy melding of country music, salsa and R-n-B that was created by WyClef, T-Pain and Taylor Swift during a threesome they had in Mexico.
If you hate auto-tune you might should kill yourself today. The hottest christmas present in 2010 was this cellphone that converts all voices into that robotix sound you hear next to the MySpace captchas. That shit is fresh homeys. The best part is that all the people with emphysema that have had their tracheas removed don’t feel so fucked the fuck up anymore when they speak in public.
In 2029 some of us celebrate the 20th anniversary of the demise of MTV. It was a tough pill for MTV to swallow in 2009 that upon turning 28yrs old they were irrelevant and laughed at for their vain attempts to control the younger and stronger YouTube and its cousins like MetaCafe, Kyte and Vimeo. That and the legions of disgruntled former Viacom employees who help found the indie artist music network called fMtv (I pray one of my friends copyrights this).
Thankfully there are still some things that harken back to the simpler years like 2008…
Queen Latifah had her jewels boosted during her holiday away in Tobago. Being that Tobago has only five people living on the island I think her shit will be returned the second it gets brought into the Pidgeon Peak pawn shop.
What I want to point your attention to is how Latifah is described in the article. She is now an R-n-B singer as well as actress. Latifah makes one miserable lounge singer album and another compilation of Lite FM tunes and now she is an R-n-B singer. I ain’t even mad at’cha Dana, but I also wonder what DMX would have to do to be considered a gospel artist?
Latifah was rumored to be considering marriage with her longtime companion (prior to California’s Prop 8 adoption) she was also rumored to be working on a new rap album featuring production by Dr. Dre, along with Missy Elliot. The album is tentatively titled ‘The L Word’. I wish I was making this shit up.
THE Catwoman
Pardon me for not saying more about Mrs. Eartha…
She may not have been as pretty as Dorothy Dandridge or as talented as Lena Horne, but what she lacked in those regards she made up with in overall fierceness. Not too many petite folks can commandeer a room no matter what the size of the audience. You had to pay attention to Eartha Kitt because if you didn’t you were likely to miss something spectacular, outrageous, bawdy or all of the above.
The moon shed a tear for this KITTy cat and somewhere else so did Bruce Wayne.
BETTIE PAGE is part of the reason that some women make shitloads of cash doing pr0n. PAGE didn’t do pr0n though. All she did was expose the hypocrisy of our culture when we see the female form.
At least she didn’t die penniless like some bum on the street. She led a curious life because during the 1960’s she left the modeling business totally. PAGE only resurfaced during the last decade or so. She had been signing photos and memoribilia at conventions and the what not. PAGE was a little embarrassed at her fandom since she didn’t consider herself beautiful.
I hope some of you video ho’s out there say a quick prayer for your patron goddess.