Archive for the ‘Crappers’ Category

GHETTO CELEB MATHEMATICS IS FOR THE CHILDREN…

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

red math

Editor’s note: Happy New Chea Internets. Have you ever paid your prA’Li tuition even once? Why? You don’t respect the learning we give here at dP.com?

Did any of you folks hear the great news last week? New York City kids have seen increases in the scores from their math proficiency exams. In some cases these increases are in the double digits. Meanwhile, some of the most dramatic gains have been made by “historically underacheiving schools in impoverished neighborhoods“. If the New York Times printed this then it must be the truth. The sad part for me is that nowhere in the NYTimes article was DP Dot Com singled out for introducing their evolutionary ‘Ghetto Celeb Mathematics’ formula to the children of the center city.

What should I expect anyhoo? When we first dropped ‘G.C.M.’ only a handful of readers gave it any props. Well, guess what? “Ghetto Celeb Mathematics’ works. It’s just like phonics, but it’s more fun and you can be functionally illiterate and still learn math. By using celebrities in place of abstract and boring numerals kids are able to make the connection for real life values. Some kids don’t already know that 1 + 1 = 2, but every child understands that PARIS HILTON (x) an eight ball of cocaine = 45 days in jail.

Try some ‘G.C.M.’ problems for yourself and tell me if this isn’t the best thing invented since the air-conditioned car seat.

busta

The personnel relationship skills of IDI AMIN when multiplied by ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’s human growth hormones equals Busta Rhymes

k-fed

The reproductive tendencies of a rabbit plus the common sense of a pugnus dressed in a tuxedo yields KEVIN FEDERLINE

foxy

The violently unpredictable mindset of a Tasmanian devil when subtracting the class and classic beauty of PAM GRIER results in the violently unpredictable mindset of rapper Foxy Brown

t-pain

When you multiply the shrill soundscape of a robot pimp with Chicago Bear TANK JOHNSON’s mugshot hairstyle models portfolio picture your product becomes singer(ahem) T-Pain

lil wang

RuPaul’s addiction to painkilling pills divided by TRINA’s addiction to pulling down her pants and kissing men on the lips named Baby or Daddy leaves you with a remainder named Lil’ Wang

Meyhem Lauren: Street Hop

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

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Young Laurenovich with the new 50 Cent bka Troy Ave and the upstart emcee RetcH.

Silk Pyramids (Meyhem x Buckwild DITC) drops May 27th

Meyhem Lauren: The World Is Yours…

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

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LAURENOVICCI!!!

Here’s Meyhem Lauren’s contribution to the NahRight x UpNorthTrips tribute tape to NaS ILLmatic 20th anniversary. All Queens Everything!

MEYHEM LAUREN X BUCKWILD “SILK PYRAMIDS” DROPS MAY 27TH

Rob Kelly feat. Timeless Truth: These Days

Saturday, April 26th, 2014

robkelly

Oh shit! Rob Kelly is taking over the rap internets. Hot97 need to fly this man over here and give him a slot on the festival stage.

“Fresh from his appearance alongside Sean Price on “RNS” from Memphis Bleek’s “The Movement 2” Irish rapper Rob Kelly is back with Queens duo Timeless Truth for “These Days” produced by J57 from the upcoming “Kel Perro”

Cuts by DJ Mayhem

Look out for the “Black Irish Rogue” on Boston imprint Commonwealth this Summer”

Kid Cudi: Balmain Jeans

Friday, March 28th, 2014

balmain

(Unofficial Unauthorized Version)