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I have been steady telling you fools that sexy grandmas are the truth. Mainstream media will act like the ‘Sex and the City’ movie uncovered this fact, but if you have ever effed with DP you already know we love the ladies slightly past their golden borndays.

There is a sex appeal that these women have I can’t describe. Maybe it comes from the fact that they are smart enough to wear 2.5 inch heels instead of 4in. high joints? Maybe their swagger comes from their level of professional success and wealth? The fact that a woman recognizes her body’s nuances fully is also a factor. What ever it is I can’t call it, but I’m glad for it.

I got a call from one of my lady friends a few weeks ago. She copped a new whip and she wanted to pick me up after work and fall thru an Obama or some such. She’s a great looking 50yr old that I met a few years ago at a Brazilian independence day parade (when I used to chase chicks I used to go in). Homegirl has a nice little Mercedez SUV now, but I declined the offer to take it out for a spin. I already have an instant vintage car parked in a garage in Brooklyn. With gas prices as they are right now I don’t need two rides.

All I’m saying is that this is a beautiful time to find yourself a really good friend and a really great lover who will help you put your ideas in motion and rub it with some lotion. Just move in the opposite direction of ROBERT SYLVESTER KELLY.

You do know that this bitch is 50 right?
Not that there is a damn thing wrong with that either!

Old ho’s stand the fuck up. Any of you broads that are next to menopause don’t need to put the men on pause you need to get some applause, and I definitely ain’t talking about the clap.

This is what these old hos from ‘Sex and the City’ are trying to do with their feature film. Give some props to all the sexy grandmas out there who can still make it pop, do the wop, and drop it like its hot. Me personally, I love myself some older women. Older broads are still banana bread crazy like their younger counterparts, but they have good jobs and the ability to listen better.

Older women are like seedless watermelon. For one, they are delicious, and secondly, you don’t have to worry about any seeds so you can plow through them with reckless abandon. There is a movement underway right now for younger men to get their old ol’ girl on. NICK CANON just married MARIAH CAREY didn’t he? Hells chea! MARIAH can still get it too. I choose her over PAM ANDERSON. I even choose MARIAH over UMA THURMAN and JENNY McCARTHY. Okay, maybe not JENNY McCARTHY. That is gonna be an old bitch who can get it.

With Mother’s Day in front of us this weekend I encourage you all to give thanks to the greatness of old pussy by kissing a grandma with your tongue, even your own if you have to. Grandma could teach you some tricks playboy. Just because she’s old don’t mean that thing is cold.

Editors’ note: Replace the chorus of this song with “sexy grandma plays with my banana”