Archive for January, 2006

LYNN SWANN Does Not Care About Black People

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

nigga please

I felt like giving this picture the title – “Nigga please!?!” Which by the way is also the title of a seminally good album by OL’ DIRTY BASTARD.

So LYNN SWANN will make a gubernatorial run in Pennsylvania. This is not to be confused with a ‘Goober’ run which is when you get up from your seat in the movie theater to go to the concession counter or the ‘goober runs’ which is something that is almost unmentionable.

I could almost vote for a colored man that is on the G.O.P. ballot too. For the last four decades all the Democrats have given the ‘hood is crack cocaine and crap music. I think it’s high time that colored folk started to change their voter registration cards. My biggest problem with LYNN SWANN is that he is LYNN SWANN. He is cut from the same cloth as all the great Negro apologists like BAGGER VANCE, and MORGAN FREEMAN. During his days with the Pittsburgh Steelers he held a spoon to Klansman quarterback TERRY BRADSHAW’s nuts with both hands. LYNN SWANN wasn’t even the best Steeler receiver during that era, JOHN STALLWORTH was.

This is just another instance of voters being forced to choose between the idiots and the incompetents. Thank GOD I live in New York and I have my own problems.

HAPPY M.L.K. WEEKEND!

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

I have a dream

Hands down, the sexiest weekend of the year is the MARTIN LUTHER KING Jr. weekend. I know what your thinking… WEEKEND?!? But yes, weekend! Once Arizona accepted the federal holiday we Black people officially exhaled and decided to take the whole weekend off. From Friday until Monday evening Black folks will honor the M.L.K. legacy by doing some of the things that have made MARTIN LUTHER KING Jr. a legend and a hero in the global community. We will be having sex. Hot, freaky, extra-marital, inter-racial sex. Because of O.J. Simpson’s crazy ass, M.L.K. weekend is the only window of oppurtunity I have now to have sex with white women.

The best thing about M.L.K. weekend is that Black women willingly let their men ‘step out’. I never truly understood the reason. I thought that was done as a representation of the humble and long suffering Mrs. CORETTA SCOTT KING, but I soon found out that sisters weren’t being as angelic as Mrs. KING. Sisters were stepping out too. Onetime I got my swerve on with my buddy’s sister, and I knew her boyfriend too. Because of my close friendship with her brother it was an almost incestuous annual relationship. We really enjoyed each other but we knew it couldn’t last and that it would only hurt the feelings of those we cared about. We did share each other’s company for two years straight at the Liberty Inn Motel on West 14th Street(hourly rates players). One night was after the legendary sunday night party at CLUB N.V. and the following year was the nightcap after the sunday soiree at LOTUS.

One important thing to remember is that you do not want to pick up any phone numbers. M.L.K. weekend is for straight up jumpoffs. If it doesn’t pop off by Monday nite, forget about it. The brothers will be back in church by tuesday nite for the Hattie Suggs missionary committee meeting and the sisters will be attending the organizational meeting for the Women’s Day committee. Oh well, players there’s always next year. As always the official credo of liars and cheaters is also in effect, so whatever happens during M.L.K. weekend stays in M.L.K. weekend.

BILLY SUNDAY Gets Condo in Manhattan

Wednesday, January 11th, 2006

billy's soho condo

One of Mayor Bloomberg’s campaign promises for his 2005 re-election bid was to find or create more than 9,000 units of housing for some of New York City’s chronically homeless population. The photo above was taken when we visited BILLY SUNDAY’s new SoHo condominium.

In the last year, the Department for Homeless Services has released data that says that the population in the city’s shelters has been dwindling. Usually, the facts are used when someone wants to avoid the truth and the truth is that NYC’s shelter system is dangerously outdated. The time has long since passed when our homeless population was almost exclusively ethnic minority male. The shelter system fails because it places people with mental illness, physical disability and physical ailments like tuberculosis and HIV all together in the same spaces without regard for the recognition of why these people are homeless in the first place.

One of the biggest reasons for the current spate of homelessness is that New York City has been handed over to the high rise developers that only want to create luxury living spaces. I am not against this kind of development, but I realize the long term effects that it will have on the real estate market. Over speculation will mean disastrous results for the (wannabe)middle class purchaser. The last safe investment in America will be ruined. The short term effects are that we experience a housing crunch that pushes the neediest people out into the streets. Further widening the schism between the ‘haves’, the ‘have littles’ and the ‘motherfuckers without a goddamned thang’. Shit in New York is so bad that BILLY SUNDAY’s celeb cousin, SPONGEBOBBY SUNDAY is even homeless right now.

sponebobby sunday

Like ESTHER ROLLE from ‘Good Times’ used to say, “Damn, damn, dammmmmmnnnnnnnn!”

AND NOW… A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

Wednesday, January 11th, 2006

champizzle my nizzle

KELIS JONES KEEPS IT REAL!!!

Tuesday, January 10th, 2006

get it girl

I owe NAS’ wife some credit for “being true to thine self” and also being able to take a joke. Someone must have sent her this DP.Com link.

chewleese

I really owe my homegirl FRESH from Crunk and Disorderly for staying so icy on her grizzly.