I suggest to L-BOOGIE that he should switch up the zapatos if he doesn’t want to get swept by the re-incarnated Bad Boys.
Archive for May, 2006
Message To L-BREEZE: It’s The Shoes!
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006SEPARATED AT BIRTH: SNOWMAN & THE LEADER
Monday, May 8th, 2006
I don’t normally run with a bit that is not already within the readership’s wheelhouse, but this one comes to us via one of the most decorated vets of the internets(nullus to that rhyme).
When we first met TONY SNOW we gave him a resemblance to one of Superman’s favorite bad guys, Brainiac. [insert Superman movie link here] Just then COMBAT JACK reminded us about the Hulk’s arch-enemy The Leader. The backstory for the character is that this dude was a high school dropout who worked at a chemical plant handling wild toxic sh!t that spilled on him and gave him the gamma ray effect that your man Hulk got. The gamma radiation made The Leaders brain swell disproportionately to his body giving him an oversized head(have you said nullus yet?).
As an aside, I remember when S.W. and I worked the night shift at this plant making circuit boards. You took a test and the company placed you in the department that best suited your mental and motor skills. I got to sit in the lab and operate this precision machinery while S_DUBBZ had to work in the smelting area. Ol’ boys hairline been doing the lean back ever since. But I digress…
The funny fly shit abouth the gamma radiation is that it takes your best attributes and reverses them, while it oversizes the characteristics that you lack. Bruce Banner was a wimpy physicist who turned into a brainless brute. The Leader is a bum ass janitor who morphs into a diminutive genius.
I’m bugging out on how the shape of The Leader’s head has also changed. Let me just say nullus to this whole post.
DP.COM will send free shit to anyone who gives me the ancient video clip intro from the old Incredible Hulk cartoon. Fuck it, free shit to whomever can recite the lyrics.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH: EIGHTBALL EGGHEADS
Monday, May 8th, 2006
Fuck a forehead, these clowns have 8-heads
The ASSOCIATION Is FANtastic!
Monday, May 8th, 2006
I trust that most of you have been enjoying the 2006 NBA Playoffs. The biggest surprise to me was how well GILBERT ARENAS can fill up the hole(no TOM CRUISE). When he wasn’t taking it hard to the rim, he was popping it from deep(no JAKE GYLENHAAL). It was nice to see some new names and faces emerge on the scene. Even SHOWBEE BRYANT almost made me root for him. Keep in mind that STEVE NASH is an illegal immigrant from Canada who has overstayed his travel visa. Let’s see if INS kicks in his door. Mr.KAMOJI, I got your back if you come stateside player, but just remember that fish and visitors smell bad after three days.
I have enjoyed the games that I’ve watched, but with some of these contests creeping into the early mornings I have had to catch up with the results on the 6am SportsCenter. I suppose there isn’t much that you can do when a contest goes to O.T. out west. What frustrates me is that there are hell’a great players in the Western Conference that I can’t peep until if and when they make the Finals. To this extent I thought of changing the format for the playoffs. This can work with the NFL as well. Peep the technique…
Seed the teams that make the playoffs 1 through 16
Make a bracket similiar to the Final Four tourney where the team with the best record plays the team with the worst, the team with the second best record plays the second worst team, etc. By virtue of league record, then conference stats, and finally, the inter-divisional marks I have created the seeding for what should have been the first round.
1) Detroit vs. 16) Milwaukee
This went down anyhoo in the old format. We all knew that the Bucks stopped here.
2) San Antonio vs. 15) Chicago
Chicago is game and gritty plus I would have liked to see the NOCIONI / GINOBILLI matchup(no Italian paisan brokeback)
3) Dallas vs. 14) Indiana
Not too much to see here. Since Indy doesn’t have the guns or the legs they will be brought to their knees.
4) Phoenix vs. 13) Washington
Two teams that could give less than a fuck about playing defense. This would have been like vintage ABA basketball with each team scoring no less than 160 points per game. I call this matchup the Sega Classic. ARENAS averages 70ppg.
5) Miami vs. 12) Sacramento
SHAQ’s dominance over Sac-Town continues even after ARTISTE hits him in the head with an elbow.
6) Cleveland vs. 11) Denver
This is a treat for all the the PS2 geeks that are complaining that LeBREEZY catches too much shine over MELO. Too bad that Denver didn’t even stand a chance.
7) New Jersey vs. 10) Los Angeles Lakers
Get your TiVO’s setup for SHOWBEE and the Showstoppers against PRINCESS CARTER and the S.Dots. Would somebody please write a rap about this shit.
8) Memphis vs. 9) Los Angeles Clippers
I am on the PAUL GASOL beardwatch team. Captain Caaaaaaaaaaaveman!
The only way to get to see these games now is with an Xbox. This is the one instance where the NBA should let the high schoolers decide whats best for themselves. Otherwise the Association will continue to get trumped in the television ratings to NASCAR even on days when the races are rained out.
Please believe it!
WOLVERINE IS 7-THIRTY
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
Another dead on character that the X-Men films have had is the LOGAN/Wolverine role played by HUGH JACKMAN. The character’s grit and fearlessness came through in the movies. Wolverine is actually a gully, 7-30 motherfucker. He got his mind wiped out by some evil scientist who knew of his mutant power and wrapped some wild steel alloy around his bones. Wolverine was made into a super efficient killing machine by the claws that he can extend from his forearms.
The character’s storyline is one of the great Marvel Comics mysteries. As a government operative, LOGAN has ben all around the globe. Part of his appeal to me was that he was a committed team member, but constantly a challenge to the status quo. You couldn’t take Wolverine anywhere because he was as conspicuous without his costume on as he was in uniform. He was always being left back in the Blackbird with Beast and Nightcrawler. Wolverine was the true embodiment of an X-man because he just didn’t give a fuck if you loved him or hated him. He just liked to kick in people’s asses.
I call Wolverine crazy 7-thirty because that is what you have to be to fight against the Wendigo AND the Hulk. I found some sketches from JOHN BYRNE which illustrate the overall gulliness of one of comicdom’s greatest characters.
