Archive for June, 2006

Kiss Your Reparations Goodbye

Friday, June 16th, 2006

reparations now!

How in the world do you lose $1.4 billion dollars? At what point does the person holding this bag of money have to stop and do a recount? The news feed is telling me that FEMA was defrauded on almost a billion and a half dollars and I haven’t seen a single dime of that.

Who got all of that money? What do you do with all of that money? Am I just stupid or something? The news report says that people spent the money on lavish vacations, electronic equipment, jewelry and even pornography. So let me see, if I spent over a billion dollars on that crap what would I have…

A brand new Cadillac/Space Shuttle for my weekend getaways to Uranus (nullus).

A shiny new cellphone made out of a 180 carat diamond.

10,000 issues of ButtMan magazine.

With the left over change, say $1billion I would spend that on strippers that visited my favorite lacrosse team’s frat house. One single at a time.

make it rain

make it rain

The INTERN Will Always Love LIL’ KIM

Friday, June 16th, 2006

queen bee

There hasn’t been too much good news for rap music in 2006. The loss of the great producer JAY DEE was overshadowed by the deaths of high profile superstar umbrella holders and bodyguards. If there was one kernel of hope for Hip-Hop fans it would have to be the news that LIL’ KIM will be released from her Federal incarceration a few months early. She has had a hit song playing in the website’s office for the last several weeks. The INTERN has been steadily bumping LIL’ KIM and in a couple of weeks I expect him to make a trip back to Philadelphia to be among the thousands of fans and B.E.T. staffers that will welcome KIMBERLY JONES back home.

The INTERN took the time to write one final letter to Mrs.JONES to profess his undying love in the hopes that she will carry his child. We’re not holding our breath since she hasn’t written back yet. The INTERN’s heart will be broken, but he needs to learn that LIL’ KIM keeps it too real for ‘Something New’.

Kimberly Jones 56198-054
FDC Philadelphia – Federal Detention Center
P.O. BOX 562
Philadelphia, PA 19106

Dear Kim,
Hey lil’ ma what’s up? I read the letter that you sent via your publicist and it made me feel good. Even though you haven’t been able to write me back I feel like you shouted me out in that group letter. I love you so much and I am proud of you for coming through this ordeal with so much strength. You are a role model for a lot of people that have to face tough times. They can see you handling your biz with class and that might help them to keep their heads up. B.I.G. would have been very proud of you.

How have you been doing? The latest news is that you will be home early. That’s whats up. Everybody in the office is saying that you aren’t really in prison because you did a video with MAINO, but I am trying to tell them that you did that video with MAINO way back in like 2004 or something. That’s why MAINO had to duff LIL’ CEASE out because he owed you for that cameo that you did for him. That was fucked up that LIL’ CEASE had to get stepped to while he was in a liquor store. I bet he was buying Hypnotiq. That’s what chicks like to drink.

Speaking of ladies, there are no more ladies on the scene amymore. If anything, your girl MARY J. is the only female rapper making any noise. MISSY ELLIOT is all about Euro dance music now and TRINA is reppin’ for the south, but like most south acts she has no lyrical skills. It’s real boring in rap music right now. The biggest thing popping will be your boy JAY-Z’s ‘Reasonable Doubt’ concert at Radio City Hall. JAY-Z was there last week with the Roots, but only white boys went to that show. I know what your thinking, aren’t I white too? I am only white on the outside. I rep the streets in my heart. Why don’t you come home and perform BIGGIE’s verse on ‘Brooklyn’s Finest’ at the concert? That will drive the crowd crazy and I think it would be a strong move to let the world know that the Queen Bee is back on the attack.

It’s just like I have been saying to you for the last few letters but Hip-Hop needs a savior and I don’t see why it can’t be you. We need something to make us excited again for rap music. Otherwise me and the rest of the white boys that buy rap CD’s will just start listening to punk rap because at least they are keeping it real and not like all of the cartoon thugs that are in the game.

I hope that when you come home you put the rap game in a smash for good. And yes, I still have your HardCore poster on my bedroom wall.

Stay up ma,
Ethan Nosowsky

queen bee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUPAC!

Friday, June 16th, 2006

he knew the jig was up

Don’t take any wooden nickels and don’t get into strange people’s automobiles.

Love,
Mom

Live Action BOONDOCKS Episodes With REGINA KING

Thursday, June 15th, 2006

regina king

I am going to ask AARON MacGRUDER to fire REGINA KING because if she keeps looking this tasty I may try to scrape that biscuit, but then when she speaks out I will be like, “Huey? Riley?!?”

Nahh mane, no brokeback.

DEAD PREZ: IT’s BIGGER THAN HIP-HOP

Thursday, June 15th, 2006

dpz

Tonight at midnight Starz InBlack will rebroadcast their landmark concert film, ‘dead prez: It’s Bigger Than Hip-Hop. dead prez, one of the nation’s preeminent underground Hip-Hop groups, performs in the their first televised concert special. Starz InBlack’s original production ‘dead prez: It’s Bigger Than Hip-Hop’ spotlights one of the only true to its roots Hip-Hop groups at the forefront of a movement to reclaim Hip-Hop culture from its bling infatuation. This one-hour original concert film includes intimate interviews with dead prez members M-1 and stic.man, who share their thoughts on such topics as world politics, urban poverty, Black pride, healthy living and the power of Black women.

‘dead prez: It’s Bigger Than Hip-Hop’ also features insights into the band and its music including tracks like ‘Know Your Enemy’ and ‘Hell Yeah’ and interviews with fans, other hip hop artists and historians. Experience a viewpoint outside the mainstream as these uncompromising musicians present their vision to create a new movement within Hip-Hop culture.

ImageNation

Starz InBlack