Archive for May, 2007

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: TRAGIC MULATTO MOVIESTARS

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

vinjilly

Damn. What won’t this chick JILLIAN MICHAELS do for money?!?

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: SWANKY JANKS

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

swanky

Shouts to DP Dot Commenter EMBRY for these submissions…

Remember when HILLARY SWANK played a dude in ‘Good Will Hunting’?

I’m Rich And I Pitch, Biatch!

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

the rocket

How in the world do you tell a child from any walk of life not to cheat or do drugs when all they can see is the reverence and honor bestowed upon these talented drug abusers in the major leagues of baseball?

ROGER CLEMENS has set himself up to receive $9,000.00 for every pitch he throws in a major league game. I normally enjoy STEPHEN A. SMITH as much as a migraine headache, but he blew up the Rocket in this column here(no pink wooden bats). Imagine if O.J. Simpson tried to get away with golfing all over the place like the Rocket does?

Okay, that last question makes no fucking sense whatsoever, but you are still reading this blog aren’t you?

If you are among the people that think that ROGER CLEMENS hasn’t doped his blood, please kill yourself at the next intermission…

the rocket

The Dark Knight Returns… Again

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

tdkr

I know that I harp on this graphic novel so much it must annoy those of you with no time nor love for comics, but it is just the shit so much that I think I read this joint at least once a year. The only other book that has touched my hands as much as this one is ‘A Clockwork Orange’ by ANTHONY BURGESS. I read the book long after I had seen the film and as is almost always the case, the book was a greater deal more hardbody. I actually have the book that contains the chapter that BURGESS’ original publisher’s omitted because it lacked the happy ending. If you do two things this summer on my behalf I ask you to read ‘A Clockwork Orange’ and FRANK MILLER’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns’.

Back to TDKR…

What I have always enjoyed about the book were the political underpinnings that MILLER was shitting on with the Batman character. Comic books superheroes were always apolitic in that they beat up the bad guys, but never questioned why they were bad in the first place. TDKR condemned a government that was intrusive, exclusionary and out of control as a reason why crime and discontent existed. It was as though the government needed to create an enemy to keep itself in business. The superheroes were doing their jobs so well that the government had to get rid of them to justify it’s needs to continue wasting trillions of dollars on a defense budget.

Superman became a tool of this government. When he was ordered to Gotham City to take down the Batman because Gotham City had become the safest in the nation Superman had no idea what he was in store for. Batman kicked his azz like it was on some streetfight shit just to show and prove to Superman who was the most hardbody hero evar.

tdkr

Batman knew that the U.S. Army would nuke Gotham City just to spite him if he killed Superman so what he did was to set up one of the greatest Batman tricks of all time. He took a pill that would increase his heart rate to appear that he was having a heart attack and then die while at the same time Wayne Manor would explode and the old butler Alfred would die of a stroke. It worked almost too perfectly and at Bruce Wayne’s funeral Superman heard Batman’s heart start up again from inside of the coffin. To Superman’s credit though he didn’t snitch.

tdkr

You don’t even have to copp the whole series, even though you really should. Just start off with the last book in the series. Delight yourself in the spectacle of Batman putting the hammer on Superman for being a sucker-ass superhero sellout. The artwork is rendered with so much detail and color that alone will have you mesmerized.

I feel so strongly about this graphic novel that if you copp The Dark Knight Returns and e-mail me I will send you some free DP Dot Com Superhero shit. Word is bond.

tdkr

JIM CARREY WOULD BE THE GREATEST JOKER. EVAR!

Monday, May 14th, 2007

carrey joker

Especially playing the role as the aged sociopath in a ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ movie franchise.

Please discuss…