Archive for September, 2007

On September 11th, The Terrorists Win… Again

Friday, September 7th, 2007

dj osama

In case you didn’t know, BILLY SUNDAY grinds for the Evil Empire.

With all this talk of KanYe, Fifty Cent, 40 Cal and Kenny Chesney releasing albums on September 11th we overlooked the one piece of media dropping on that day that will pwn them all. Osama Bin Laden has decided to drop another one of his mixtapes on that fateful day. As if he hasn’t done enough already. This nigga puts out even more mixtapes than Lil’ Wang.

Who the fuck distributes this nigga Osama’s shit? Is it Universal or BMG? Whoever it is, them niggas stay on they grizzly. Peep game… All these rap niggas record their albums in state of the art studios and have budgets to produce elaborate and expensive music videos. They have so much money they can buy champagne just to spit it at the television camera or pour it down a bitch’s back (for the ladies in the building, I use the word bitch in only the most respectful of manners). These rap niggas fly around in chartered planes and they have sex with 15year old virgins.

Muslamic motherfuckers be blowing themselves up just to taste some 15yr old poon. Ha! Them fools might be hardbody and shit, but Robert Sylvester Kelly is fucking 15yr old bitches and the only thing that nigga is blowing up is the Billboard charts. I still give them Muslamic motherfuckers hardbody points though, because look how many mixtapes Osama Bin Laden has dropped and that motherfucker’s studio is just a cave. This nigga prah’lee don’t even have electricity or running water and he is still making fucking music videos. How sick is that shit? Now he’s about to steal the thunder from your boy(s) KanYe and Fifty Cent when he drops his latest shit on September 11th tentatively titled, “I’m Still Standing Bitches, But Your Towers… Not So Much”.

How the fuck is Osama still putting shit out anyhoo? I mean, if we can wiretap everyone in America’s phones over the last six years how difficult can it be to listen in on the rest of the world? Keep in mind that most of the telecom consumers live in this hemisphere. You already know there is only a handful of phones in Antartica, and prah’lee even less in Africa. Hell, them niggas in Africa don’t even have shoes. What the fuck they need a phone for? Them European niggas got a bunch’a phones too, but after you separate the niggas talking that Deustchbank schit from the niggas talkin’ that Muslamic shiite you should already know who the terrorists are.

It’s like the real tall Isrealis also known as Zionists (Google that bitches, bitches meaning boys and girls) are getting paid everytime Osama drops a mixtape video, otherwise this motherfucker’s operation would have been shut down faster than a Michael Vick pool party hosted by O.J. Simpson with DJ Drama on the 1’s and 2’s. I can’t call it anymore party people, Kenny, KanYe, Fifty, Forty… It doesn’t even matter any more.

Get that nigga Osama pool out back!

DP Dot Com Super Heroine Series: DAGGER

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

cloak dagger

Holler at my homey from Poisonous Paragraphs because he be dropping that official comic book flavor too.

Dagger was a chick named Tandy Bowen who ran away from a privileged life of wealth to become an angel and protector for runaways and kids that were hooked on heroin and drugs. Her partner was a brother named Tyrone(seriously, Marvel writers were always infected with Lowest Common Denominator syndrome when creating Black characters, Cloak is just lucky they didn’t name him Black Cloak). Together they formed the duo of Cloak and Dagger.

Dagger had one of the baddest little bum-bums in the Marvel universe, and she was in love with a Black man. How fucking hot is that? She protected Cloak from himself because his power of enveloping darkness always threatened to consume his soul. Her power was to be able to create bursts of bright, white light from her hands.

Can you imagine for a second what she could shoot from her pum pum?

cloak dagger

DA-DA-DA-DUNNNNN (Theme From MNF)

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

1986 bths

I decided to add my own little wrinkles to this years DP Dot Com Football Pool…

Weekly Winners
Weekly Winners will receive free shit from DP Dot Com Football Pool sponsors as of which there are none right now, but do not be forlorn or dismayed because I’m sure that someone will have some free shit to give us in return for their advertisements.

Overall Loser
As difficult as it will be to win this pool outright will be the difficulty in being the worst of all poolers. Whomever finishes the season with the lowest overall point total and played the entire time will definitely have a pair of kicks sent to them courstesy of DP Dot Com.

As a reminder, don’t forget to complete your Pick’Em sheet in it’s entirety. Including ALL tiebreaker questions.

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!

The Sinking Ship Called S.S. G DUBBZ…

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

sinking ship

The travails of the fag-hating fag Senator LARRY CRAIG reflect the delusion and hypocrisy that the current administration is mired within. And now this nigger wants a do-over?!? Peep how CRAIG is from the state called “I Da’ Ho”. Can it all be so simple? Yep.

So while all the signs point to a continued streak of violence and destruction in the destabilized former soverign nation Iraq, the White House is still talking that smooth sailing shit. Like they always say, statistics don’t lie, that’s why liars use statistics. In the meantime and in between time all the rats are scurrying to abandon ship. Will this administration even make it to the finish line?

A 40 DIESEL Man Crush [ll]

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

bigger and deffer

Editor’s note: DP Dot Com’s most prolific ghetto celeb profiler goes in and gives us a report from the Magic convention in Las Vegas.

Its not too often as an adult you get to run into someone who impacted you as a shorty. Especially if that person is of notoriety or fame. Kenneth “Supreme” McGriff bought me ice cream as a kid, Bill Cosby held me down as a starting freshman offensive lineman when I got hurt during our homecoming game in 1993*. But recently I had the chance to catch up with Mr. James Todd Smith some 20 years later.

I was a big LL Cool J stan as a shorty before he went uber-sexy. The backstory goes down like this… It was 1987, I was hanging out one day in front of my cousins’ building in Rochdale Village (Building 6) and all of a sudden this red Audi 5000 with limo tints pulls up and parks illegally out front. I thought it might have been one of the more successful purveyors of the illicit pharmaceutical products so I played it cool. The hazard lights go on and the driver of the vehicle is none other than the the tall, young legend in leather. LL servin’ ’em well! Decked out in the full-length fur and all the truck gold accessories I was starstruck.

However I got my first lesson in the classic NYC mentality of “FUCK THAT N*GGA!” which was demonstrated by the less than warm “whaddups” returned to Mr. Smith. To add ‘insult to injury’ once he entered the building his car became the new leaning post (a practice done to anyone who parked right in front). So I asked my cousin, “Can I go touch his car?”, and I was practically shoved into it. Man you couldn’t tell my 12 year old butt nothing. I was a huge fan of LL and soaked up anything he dropped while listening to Red Alert, Chuck Chillout, Marley Marl and Mister Magic, and here I was leaning on the ride from the “Bigger & Deffer” album cover. Fuck what you heard, I’M BAD!!!!!

Well being young dumb and star struck I didn’t realize I was the only one left leaning on this maraschino cherry colored piece of German engineering. All of a sudden I hear this husky, nasally growl, “Yo, you taking care of my ride little man? Keeping these n*ggas off my shit?”
I could barely work up a meek Peter Brady-esque “Yes…” Well LL lived up to the cool in his name and told me, “Thanks lil’ man!”, daps me up and hits me off with a $20. He could have given me a dry cleaning ticket and I would have been amped…

Fast forward 20 years and I’m chilling out in Vegas for the MAGIC show with my Mighty Healthy Consortium. While walking around the show I see James Todd Smith promoting his new clothing line and being amicable with those around. Well fate is a muhfucka and he noticed me swigging a 40 of OE and I raised it in respect. I walked over to try and catch a flick and wound up taking the opportunity to tell him the story above and the impact of it all. Where he didn’t remember that specific moment he did remember all the cats who would sit on his ride when he’d visit his grandmother in Rochdale Village. Seeing that the convo was moving well I also had to take the time out to explain how I thought his original “Rock The Bells” was the greatest lyrical performance of all time in my opinion. Alas I kept it moving because there was a flock of horny 40 year old sisters who wanted to lick his lips for him.

But I gotta give LL thanks for the moment….

40 ll

*Now its time to reconnect with The Cos…
I thank you for holding me down and kicking it with me for the whole game when I got hurt. It meant alot to the young pup that I was back then and no matter what these niggers say I got your back BC!!!