Archive for January, 2008

The Best Of DOOOOOOM…

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

doooooom

As a salute to one of the baddest comic book villains of all time and a herald to the next great sub-genre of rap music – SuperHero Rap, the folks here that produce DP Dot Com are issuing limited edition ‘Best Of Dooooom’ packages.

Each package includes a Dr. Doom Marvel Icons action figure, a Fantastic Four comic book featuring Dr. Doom and a compilation CD with tracks from MF Doom a/k/a MadVillain a/k/a Victor Vaughn a/k/a KMD.

Do you want to support the programs here at DP Dot Com? Do you want to get some super sweet ish for your home collection? The package is only $25 U.S. and that includes USPS priority S/H with delivery confirmation.

Consider this your donation to a network like National Public Radio except the instead of padding the bank accounts for the Jews that run the media you will be paying the bandwidth expenses for a Jew that lives in his mother’s basement. Fanboys stand up!

PayPal – bluecheese28@hotmail.com

doooooom

RAISING BEBE’s, er, BRITNEY’s KIDS…

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

bebes kids

As wealthy as BRITNEY SPEARS is her kids are gon’ be aiiiight.

Not that they may not end up having ish when they grow up, but if they have the half a brain their mother has they will leverage their issues into a made for television movie. In all honesty, the experience they gain from riding shotgun with their moms is more valuable to them than hanging around their talentless father. That dude only wants more allowance from the bank of BRITNEY. Raising her children? Not so much.

I wouldn’t mind being wrong though. Maybe KEVIN FEDERLINE is the best dad evar. Maybe he reads books to his kids daily and plays math games with them on Saturdays. If that is the kind of dad he really is then shut my mouth and call me cornbread, but I’m confident my name is DALLAS. If nothing else, the BRITNEY SPEARS-KEVIN FEDERLINE custody battle is an advertisement for the benefits of legalized abortion or possibly the neuturing of humans.

As bad as we might like to imagine that BRITNEY and KEVIN are as parents they end up looking like the family of the year when you compare them to this parent ‘hood…

A Texas mom left her six kids alone while she went to Africa to get married! WTF?!? This story makes KEVIN FEDERLINE damn near look like BILL COSBY.

bebes kids

The Wheels Fall Off In Pittsburgh With No Bus…

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

romey rome

BTW, as usual when I do these pools some of you folks decide not to read the rules and the regulacks. Since the offending poolers are also two of my longtime supporters plus one of my XXL readers I have decided not to disqualify their teams outright but to simply remove the player from their roster that made their squads null and void.

YOU COULD NOT HAVE TWO PLAYERS ON YOUR ROSTER FROM THE SAME OFFENSE

No Brady and Randy Moss, no Manning and Harrison, no Tomlinson and Gates, no Terrell Owens and Folk. Go back and read the rules and the regulacks. At least y’all ain’t the type of negroes to give me any shit for this.

Let’s tally up Pittsburgh’s players as well as the Redskins since these cats are on vacay now…

Pittsburgh
N. Davenport – 48yds overall = 4pts, 2TD = 12pts / Total = 16pts
H. Miller – 85yds overall = 8pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 14pts
H. Ward – 135yds overall / Total = 13pts
S. Holmes – 49yds overall = 4pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 10pts
M. Spaeth – Total – 0pts
W. Parker – Total – 0pts
DEFENSE – 2INT = 2pts / Total = 2pts

Washington
C. Portis – 80yds overall = 8pts / Total = 8pts
A. Randle El – 96yds overall = 9pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 15pts
C. Cooley – 46yds overall = 4pts / Total = 4pts
S. Suisham – 2XP = 2pts / Total = 2pts
DEFENSE – 2INT = 2pts / Total = 2pts

The Seahawks and Jag players live on to fight another Sunday at least…

Seattle
S. Alexander – 45yds overall = 4pts / Total = 4pts
N. Burleson – 64yds overall = 6pts / Total = 6pts
M. Pollard – Total = 0pts
J. Brown – 2FG = 6pts, 3XP = 3pts / Total = 9pts

Jacksonville
F. Taylor – 50yds overall = 5pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 11pts
M. Jones-Drew – 72yds overall = 7pts, 2 TD = 12pts / Total = 19pts
M. Lewis – 16yds overall = 1pt / Total = 1pt
J. Scobee – 1FG = 3pts, 4XP = 4pts / Total = 7pts
DEFENSE – 3INT = 3pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 9pts

*I’ll do the totals for this weekend during the week unless one of you poolers is feeling ambitious.

The World’s Oldest Profession…

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

monkeylove

Just got a lot older.

Peep this story about how monkeys “pay” for sex.

So as you can now see, that steak dinner and the Broadway play is simply the biological minimum rate as per evolution.

RETIREMENT IS FOR SAPPS…

Friday, January 4th, 2008

sapp

No subliminals to SACH

One of my favorite football players of all time is hanging up his playing cleats this off-season, provided BILL BELICHICK doesn’t come after him in the spring. SAPP was an ass kicker from the gate. In high school football he gave JOHNNY DAMON a concussion. SAPP won numerous defensive player awards at the University of Miami although he never won a national championship with the Hurricanes.

SAPP seemed destined to play his entire football career in his home state when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers drafted him out of college. SAPP would go on to be one of the most respected defensive tackles evar. Think of a faster and stronger JOE KLECKO. Using his speed, athleticism and game smarts WARREN SAPP became a Hall of Fame player. I wonder if FAVRE will shout him out during these playoffs?

Are you ready for a homegrown DP Dot Com x NFL Playoffs Football Pool? I am. Let’s do a little something with the NFL post-season about to jumpoff.

Here are the Rules...

You can only pick one(1) player per team. So if you chose Tom Brady as your QB you can NOT Randy Moss as a WR. Take your time and use strategy when assembling your team. You will only get points when your player plays so be careful of the 1st round byes and teams you think will only play one game. Your team must consist of…

PLAYERS
1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 TE
1 FLEX(could be a running back, wide receiver, or tight end)
1 Kicker
1 Defense/Special Teams

SCORING
6 pts- TD Rushing, Receiving, Passing
6 pts- Defensive TD, Kickoff Return/Punt Return for a TD
6 pts- Defensive Shutout
3 pts- Field Goals (4pts- 40 yarder, 5pts- 50 yarder, 6pts- 60 yarder)
3 pts- Defense holds opponent to 9 points or less
2 pts- Defensive safety
2 pts- Two point conversion (Rushing, Receiving, Passing)
1 pt- Every 10 yards Receiving, Rushing
1 pt- Every 20 yards Passing
1 pt- Defensive sack, interception, fumble recovery
1 pt- Kicking extra point
0 pts- Any yardage on punt/kickoff returns

* If a punt or kickoff is returned for a TD the D/ST gets 6 points and if you have a guy like Wes Welker as one of your WR’s he will also be credited with 6 pts if he ran it back. So in that scenario the Pats D & Welker will be credited 6 pts.
* RB has 73 rushing yards and 10 receiving yards(total yards – 83) he will be credited 8 pts.
* If a QB has 200 passing yards -1 rushing(total yards – 199), he will be credited 9 pts. If he has 199 passing yards &1 rushing(total yards – 200), he will be credited 10
*This is NOT for just the first round, but the ENTIRE playoffs so once your player is out you cant pick up another you have to play a man or two or three down.

Here’s what my squad looks like…

QB – Tom Brady
RB – LT(omlinson)
RB – Fred Taylor
WR – Donald Driver
WR – Plaxico Burress
TE – Jason Witten
FLEX- Joseph Addai
K- Rob Bironas
D/ST- Tampa Bay

The first game tomorrow is @ 1:00pm EST so if yuou don’t have your roster in the comments by then it will have to be a next season thing.

sapp