Archive for September, 2009

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Blame It On The Alcohol…

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

ye vma

So ‘Ye Tudda interrupted MTV’s flagship awards program to say that the ‘Single Ladies’ video was one of the “best of all time”. KanYe ain’t neva lie. Especially not after killing a bottle of that brown ‘truth juice’.

This latest KanYe West award ceremony outburst has the TWittter streets all aflutter tweeting. The truth is that KanYe’s statement was on point. BeYonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ video is well designed and choreographed to the tee oh pee. I’m sure the Taylor Swift video has good visuals too, but BeYonce is a fux’n specimen. KanYe and his muse lady Amber Rose were reportedly escorted from the building after his outburst. Who knows? And at the end of the day who the fux cares?

What I did want to talk about was the bottle of brown truth juice that KanYe is advertising on the VMA red carpet. Since ‘Ye Tudda is the Louis Vuitton Don and since Louis Vuitton is the owner of Moet (mo-way) and Hennessy I think it would be naive of us not to think that there wasn’t a corporate placement for this shot. I mean, a man of KanYe’s tastes and means would surely prefer Martell to Hennessy, no?

I was chopping it up on FaceBook with a fellow Commissioner, Jamal7Mile, when the homey pointed me to his weblog site – You Damned Right I Farted!!. By the way, J7M that is the funniest name of all time for a website, kudos. The homey’s latest drop talks about the state imposed timeout he is starting later on today. That is some pill to swallow when you know you are gonna be on lockdown. Your mind goes over all the shit that you could have done to not be in the position you are facing.

I think Jamal7Mile is already on the right path to getting his mind right in the long run. I wish I could say tha same for myself. I am an alcoholic. This doesn’t mean that I get drunk all the time because I don’t, but it does mean that I will seek out opportunities to be intoxicated and make decisions based on those opportunities that affect me long after I have placed down the bottle. I’ve dealt with counseling and rehab before for drugs and drinking. You learn that addiction is a lifelong process. You also learn that you have the power within yourself to overcome your demons.

I wish Jamal7Mile the best on his journey. He can definitely overcome this. No matter where you go brother there YOU are. Keep believing in yourself and keep your head to the sky. Peace.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., Lust = Love, Ninjas, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sneaker Fiends United, T.O.N.Y., Talking Shit, Wig Owners | 24 Comments »

DP Gets Ecstatic…

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

ecstatic

I almost didn’t stick around to see the mighty Mos Def last night at his The Ecstatic tour concert on Governor’s Island. I was wet from the rainshowers earlier in the afternoon. Mos didn’t hit the stage until after midnight. There were some people in the venue that had been there since 8pm. The funny thing is that as soon as Mos showed up all the delays and the less than impressive opening acts were forgotten. Mos Def is charming that way.

Many rap fans have complained that Mos uses his charm on the buyers as well. I don’t say that. I loved Mos Def’s The New Danger. I played that joint riderk. Tru Magic was another story but I still liked it, or better yet, the idea of it. The Ecstatic on the other hand was one of the best CD’s of 2009 and should have a top 25 position for the 2000’s. The key to Mos Def is that he can not be put into a box that says who he is. Just when you think you know him he uses his invisibility super powers.

Just as there has been a movement to state that African Americans are post-Black Mos Def has been charging forward with a pan-Humanism angle. He culls musical styles from every corner of the Earth, particularly Africa and the Caribbean. He jumps into central and south America just to make sure that all Brown people feel at home. That is the true magic of Mos Def. He speaks to all of us that believe we can improve the world. The first step isn’t a two-step tho’. It is a nodding of our collective heads

ecstatic


Quiet Dog Bite Hard

Revelations

Roses

ecstatic


No Hay Nada Mas

Pistola

Casa Bey

ecstatic

The rain finally came back down to wash us off Governor’s Island and back into the subways, highways and byways but for a few hours we were free and it made us happy.

It made me ecstatic.

ecstatic

Posted in 5 Elements, Billy Sunday @ XXL, Blipsters = Hipsters, Crappers, Fanboy Ish, Ghetto Celebs, Ninjas, Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y., Wig Owners | 2 Comments »

Golf >>> Gheyer Than Tennis…

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

t-fed

Butching it up for the win…

As the spiritual first day of the great American gayme of football kicks off I thought we could have a debate about which of the two teh gheyest sports was the most… Teh Ghey.

Is it tennis, where men wear little tiny tennis shorts [ll]?

Or golf, where men hit a little white ball into a hole with their sticks?

In tennis you can be a champion without even being the best player left in the tournament. If the best player in the world has a bad afternoon and gets sent home early in the tournament then who knows who the hell will win the trophy? My guess is that it will prA’li be NADAL or FEDERER. Tennis tournaments are all about seeding. If your draw is filled with highly ranked bums or players to which your game holds an advantage you will advance. Not so much in golf.

In golf you have to beat the entire field of competitors. Rankings don’t determine who wins these tournaments, only which player uses the least amount of strokes to get his balls in the holes [ll]. That is the gheyest description of a sport in the history of ghey sports. Gheyer even than a wide receiver throwing a ball to a tight end. I mean, how often does that happen? Golf is totally gheyer than tennis also because you can still play golf well when you are old. Tennis, not so much.

Golf is especially gheyer than tennis because of the women’s game. Sure tennis had BILLIE JEAN KING and MARTINA NAVRITILOVA but isn’t every woman that plays golf a lesbian? If not then why do they all dress like one? I have nothing against teh gheys in whatever sport they play because all professional sports are teh ghey. Can you imagine what the Davis Cup locker rooms must look like? I will bet you that they are gheyer than a baseball dugout.

buttpat

Posted in Beisbol, Black Bullshit, Fanboy Ish, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sports are Gay, Talking Shit | 12 Comments »

EVEN RAFI’s PARENTS BOUGHT A COPY…

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

the kams

^ Not RAFI’s parents. Maybe…

Did you know that the iNternets Celebrities DVD was now for sale for the incredible offer of ‘Name Your Own Price‘?

Chea!

Why don’t you have a copy of this DVD? The quality is way better than anything you can view on the internets(at the moment). Plus the packaging is so awesome. At this rate you can buy a copy and leave it in the shrinkwrap until I die from a heart attack(in approx. 5 years) and then sell it on eBay for more than you paid for it(natch). That is like better than a 401k investment plan if you ask me.

I tell you what, buy the DVD and I will try to die horrifically to really help you maximize the resale value. Deal?

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., iNternets Celebrities, The MGMT | 2 Comments »

WASP RAP FTW!

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

wasp rappers

I got to thinking the other day that we(the respective rap fan collective) were witnessing another golden era of Hip-Hop music thanks to the internets. Every sub-genre of rap music is clearly represented at this moment. From old man rap(Rae) to lightsaber rap(Jay(, from fashionista rap(Yeezy) to retard rap(Weezy), from hardbody smashmouth rap(Ruck) to soft silky smooth Reebok rap(Fab) everyone is getting the shit they love to fux with. What more could we ask for?

But then I was watching a web interview that DJ Whoo Kid was having with Ghostface when Whoo Kid mistakenly asked Ghost about the Wu-Tang Killa ‘Wasps’. Maybe Whoo Kid doesn’t know what the fux he was talking about, or maybe Whoo Kid is from the future and he is telling us about a rap sub-genre that we need to recognize. I think Whoo Kid is from the future. Why haven’t we embraced White Anglo-Saxon Protestant rap yet? Who in the rap game would be able to talk that “money ain’t a thing” shit better than a WASP?

Think about that. All that fancy shit that rappers brag about is the standard shit that a WASP sees on the everyday. The Carnegies, the Vanderbilts, the DuPonts and the Rothschilds wipe their asses with dollar bills. They still have slaves for crissakes! How hardbody is that?!? All these rappers that dream about luxurious shit are wearing the WASPs old shoes and hand me downs. I want to hear what the new-new-NEW shit is gonna be. Maison Martin Margiela? Nah nigga, Silver Saturn Spaceship status.

WASPs be having that shit that even regular white ain’t allowed to touch. Like that shit so exclusive that when they check your DNA you will be denied access. That GATTACA fly shit. That shit where all the Uma Thurman clones walk around naked. Not even BeYonce can get up in there. Her shows have to be televised via satellite because her DNA ain’t right. That WASP shit is that exclusive and the rap game needs to hear about it. That’s it, I’m determined to A & R the first WASP rap superstar. I’m going to the campus of Bard College.

Posted in Billy Sunday @ XXL, Black Bullshit, Blipsters = Hipsters, white | 5 Comments »

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