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BILLY SUNDAY At The Beach

July 22nd, 2006

beach bum

It was one of the hottest weekends so far this summer. There was no way that CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE was going to let BILLY SUNDAY sit around in his underwear and eff with the internets so they packed up a cooler and headed over to Long Beach, Long Island.

If you live in New York and you like the ‘other white meat’ then I suggest you spend a day on the boardwalk at Long Beach. There are all kinds of well-heeled cuties in their new two piece sets that they just purchased from Forever 21.

beach bum

Former prom queen Mrs.BLISTER came out to chill on the blanket.

beach bum

Mr.BLISTER took a break from filming an extremely low budget adult film with BLU CHEEZ to enjoy the Belvedere appletinis that BILLY SUNDAY mixed up.

beach bum

Mr.B soon found out that too much appletini and too much sun will put you on your azz.

beach bum

BILLY SUNDAY molests CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE for the camera.

beach bum

Your favorite blogger and your favorite blogger’s bootycall canoodle on top of a stack of tabloids.

beach bum

BILLY SUNDAY’s drink of choice was a homemade rum punch chock full of pineapple and mango slices. Finally the sun, the sea and two gallons of punch had bested your boy. Sweet bloggy dreams I’m sure, sweet bloggy dreams.

Posted in Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, T.O.N.Y. | 13 Comments »

More Mothers I’d Like To F…

July 21st, 2006

brit

I knew that y’all would be freaky for that vintage poon like ZILLZ and me. It’s just a better feel all around. I remember this baseball mitten that I had for years and I took it outside every spring to play catch with my dad? Before we would go outside to the park my dad would take a little bit of baby oil and rub it into the center cup of the mitt. Dad’s know how to soften up the leather rubbing it well. After he did that the mitt was ready to catch balls.

The same goes for these M.I.L.F.’s that we listed today. You rub these sweet things down with a little oil and they will be catching more balls than you can throw. It’s not about the quantity though, it’s about the intimate feel that only a mother can give. They know how to be tender to us when we need that reassurance, and they can be stern when it’s time to correct our step. Moms are dope. Every woman should be mom. Every man should love a mother, but not his own. We don’t cosign that type of shit here at this site.

M.I.L.F. (from 30yrs old to 49yrs old)

STACEY DASH
Honestly, STACEY DASH’s pics in the recent issue of Playboy turned me out. Didn’t her B.D. CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS pass away inside the drive thru at a Mrs. Winner’s restaurant in A.T.L.?

PHOEBE CATES
I wanted to give her my mogwai since way back in the ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ days. Remember that scene when JUDGE RHEINHOLD gets caught out there beating his manhood out to a daydream of her? No brokeback to remembering J.R. masturbating.

JASMINE GUY
JASMINE owes us a piece of that stinky power U. since the first episode of ‘A Different World’. I am going to try to break the headboard with her forehead for all of the high-yellow AKA cotillion debutantes that would never let me smell it.

G.I.L.F. (from 50yrs old to 69yrs old)

SHEILA E.
Another one of PRINCE’s ex-ladies whose bath water I would drink from a champagne flute.

CYBILL SHEPHERD
When she was a teenager she let fat ELVIS beat out her seat. She was from Memphis, he was a god, yada, yada, yada. I would take Burger King’s sloppy seconds so you know I am down to moonlight with CYBILL.

FLORENCE HENDERSON
Mrs.Brady likes Black rods. Why do you think she spent all those years trying to learn how to fry chicken in Wesson oil? Hey Mrs.Brady, how large was that Black guy that schtooped you last night?

LaTOYA JACKSON
Do not sleep on LaTOYA. I would hit her before JANET because LaTOYA has a clef in her chin. Clef chin = cum cup.

G.G.I.L.F. (from 70yrs old to eternity)

DIAHANN CARROLL
Way before she was a bitchy blaristocrat she was an entertainment triple threat. A dancer, a singer and a top shelf pin up model. Put that ‘DreamGirls’ wig on the shelf tonight baby because we are gonna get sweaty and dirty.

dynasty

MOST HONORABLE MENTION

EARTHA KITT
Catwoman?!? Dig your claws into my back while you make that sexy purring sound.

Posted in Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Lust = Love, When I Reminisce... | 14 Comments »

SECRET LIVES of GHETTO CELEBS

July 21st, 2006

pac

5-10?!? Nigga puhleaze, only when he was wearing a pair of DRE’s stilettos.

BRONXRAP dot com is back up and he is back at it with classic Hip-Hop videos and classic Bronx real talk.

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, When I Reminisce... | 1 Comment »

DALLASPENN.COM: ALL-CITY, WORLD FAMOUS

July 20th, 2006

stussy bucket

Just copped a few tees fom the Stussy store. Is it me or are t-shirts getting smaller nowadays? Either the shirts are a size extra schmedium or they are a fuckin’ 8X.

Back in the day SHAWN STUSSY designed a comfortable neat fitting shirt. Everything is cut for Japanese cats and hipsters now.

stussy worldwide

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Sneaker Fiends United, Straight Laced, T.O.N.Y., The Addict | 8 Comments »

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS

July 20th, 2006

freedom!!! fridays

I have to give a shout out to my brother from another mother, DJ HERBERT. He used to receive my weekly e-mail blast and he offered me a job as a promoter for his weekly party called FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS. At the time FREEDOM!!! had just moved to a space in the East Village and it was my favorite spot for bagging up a p.y.t. that was fresh to the NYC scene. She might be from Chicago, L.A., Detroit or N’Awlins and she was trying to find out what was really good with the Big Apple. Even though the party might be filled with industry heads there was little or no pretension. If you asked a girl for a dance she would give you one. If you knew how to dance you would get a second. I even have a couple of dope hook up stories from this party.

When I designed my flyers I was given complete autonomy and as you will see I pushed the limits of good taste in some of my designs. It was all about the feel good attitude that the FREEDOM!!! party gave me. FREEDOM!!! was a lot of fun for me back then because the party was a breath of fresh air to the NYC late nite club scene. Rare grooves and classic Hip-Hop made FREEDOM!!! like the sexiest group karaoke event ever. The FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS party is still on and popping and you can still get inside on the DALLAS PENN friends and family discount when you say my name to the cashier. Ladies = $5 and fellas = $7 all nite long.

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS
Star 64 a/k/a StarFoods
64 East 1st Street, NYC

For a less hectic and laid back groove you can find me at BELMONT LOUNGE on Friday nites. There’s no chance of you squeezing ROSARIO DAWSON’s booty like at FREEDOM!!!, but we make up for it by not charging a cover and being heavy handed on the bar drinks.

Go to FREEDOM!!! to look like a Star, come to Belmont to get wasted like one.

I called this set of flyers my ’emo t.v. series’.

sanford & son