I owe NAS’ wife some credit for “being true to thine self” and also being able to take a joke. Someone must have sent her this DP.Com link.
I really owe my homegirl FRESH from Crunk and Disorderly for staying so icy on her grizzly.
KELIS JONES KEEPS IT REAL!!!
January 10th, 2006The Other WHITE MEAT
January 10th, 2006
The INTERN returns from his winter break at the folks crib in Ann Arbor to give us this eye-opening essay…
Are we finally ready to admit that Hispanic women are the ‘other white meat’? When I say Hispanic women I don’t mean Dominicans or Puerto Ricans, because I agree with BILLY that they should all be considered Mexicans, but I am referring to the fully assimilated Hispanic women like CATHERINE ZETA-JONES and SANDRA BULLOCK. If we could start to just put them onto the white team I think that will give white meat the decided advantage in terms of hot azz poon status. They won’t add enough overall points to overtake Black chicks, but I think that when you add the Hispanic to the white you get something better than the Mexican. And definitely better than the Red Dot Indian brand which is notorious for having the flattest boonkeys ever. Yes bitches. Flatter than a white Jew from Mineola.
I’m just saying, here is how I would assign points in the hot azz poon status contest…
10) Tragic Mullattos – A white girl’s sensibility and a Black girls’ body.
9) Black chicks – African-Americans and Carib chicks, but NOT the straight-up Africans(too much HIV)
8) white broads – Give us the Hispanics and we are good to go.
7) Philipineapples – Mexican body + white girl ambition and education(ask DAVE CHAPPELLE)
6) Mexicans – Too bad Mexos have to be knocked up before their 16th birthdays.
5) Japs – No, not the Orientals. Never underestimate the head from a Jewish chick. Its good like that.
4) Red Dot Indians – Big boobies and cute faces, but the hairiest pubes ever. Afros of azz hair.
3) Canadians – Just a bunch of dirty whores who will eat your ass out on a first date to get American citizenship.
2) French bitches – I will use the word bitch in the best possible way. These bitches pussy stinks!
1) Africans – If these are the last chicks on Earth then shit has gone terribly wrong.
I hope this handy guide helps you feel better about the bitch broad lady that you are sleeping with. If not, get an upgrade
2006 2nd Annual HOT AZZ MESS Awards
January 10th, 2006
SEND US SOME H.A.M.!!!
Despite the stiff competition, The 1st Annual H.A.M. Awards were won by a bunch of pre-op jive turkeys (extra extra BOUTROS BOUTROS BOUTROS no homo to that last sentence and link). We wanted to kick this years contest off a little early so I am asking you to e-mail pictures and websites to BLU CHEEZ so that he can start putting it all together.
MAMA COMBS has already signed on to be one of ghetto celeb judges. By the way, I am really feeling the hair color Mrs.C.
for me to poop on.
The BeYONCE Factor featuring JENNIFER LOPEZ
January 8th, 2006
I haven’t done a BeYONCE Factor in months, but I have been recently smitten with JENNIFER LOPEZ so I figured we should put her through the Factor just to see how she rates. J_LO is already at a disadvantage because her big screen ‘Carmen’ project has just been canned by Hollywood. The studio execs didn’t think that J_Licious had the single-handed star power to turn a profit for that classic love story.
Hollywood needs to wake up and recognize the spending power of the Mexican diaspora. As Americas’ most burgeoning demographic there’s gold up in them thar’ hills. And for all the guys that would love to give a facial to the daughter of their landscaper, JENNIFER LOPEZ is their top choice.
Do you bitches remember how the Factor works?!? We list several titles from BeYONCE songs and see how close our contestant comes to completing the title. BeYONCE would recieve 100 points for each Factor item. O.K. here we go again…
JENNIFER LOPEZ
1) Can you say her name – 0 (as a name, JENNIFER has no street cred)
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (she is still eating off her ‘In Living Color’ scrilla)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 (J_LO is set to outpace ELIZABETH TAYLOR for number of times married)
4) Does she have a soldier – 100 (more downloads on U.S. Army computers than JENNA JAMESON)
5) Cater to you – 100 (Mexican women are tragically domesticated)
6) Dangerously in love – 150 (arrest record from Club New York shoot out with former beau PIDDY puts J_HO over the top)
7) Bootylicious – 100 (the most selected posterior in the history of anaplasty)
JENNIFER LOPEZ’ BeYONCE FACTOR totals = 650 points
J_LO came damn close to Ms.B, but lets be honest, an arrest record is only for trashy divas.
BLACK ENTERTAINMENT’s Got A New Set of White Gloves
January 8th, 2006
Black Entertainment Television enters the new year on a mission to give itself a facelift. REGINALD HUDLIN will assume full control of the network’s programming and content. I welcome this transition because I feel like B.E.T. and sister network M.T.V. are this planet’s most important cultural institutions. It’s high time that parent company ViaCom poured some substantial resources into their B.E.T. brand. There are times that B.E.T.’s content appears to have been created with the same production equipment from DONNIE SIMPSON’s heyday.
The problem that I have with B.E.T. isn’t so much about what they air on the network because it generally mimics the shows that you see on M.T.V. or VH-1 . My problem has been the lack of production resources allocated to B.E.T.’s core shows. 106th & Park shouldn’t look like a bootlegg version of Total Request Live. As a matter of fact, 106th & Park needs a brand new look with more white glove performances. Preferably from Atlanta and Houston based crap acts with golden plated eyeballs.
I will try give REGGIE HUDLIN a pass for the first two quarters of the year since he does own 50,000 comic books.
BLACK NERDS UNITE!