United We Stand…

December 7th, 2007

union

As the television and screenwriter’s guild strike enters its second month I made a trip to the picket lines to see if the writers were steadfast in their commitment to a better and more fair working contract.

Some of the writers had even decided to give up sex during the strike. Masturbation? Not so much.

Look out for a picket plaque that reads “ONAN 4 CONAN”.

For more information on the writers guild strike and what you can do to help these union members receive the equity for their work, go to the Writers Guild of America – East website.

THE DP DOT COM GUEST ROOM: CELEBRATING WEALTH + IGNORANCE = HIP-HOP

December 6th, 2007

dumb

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!” – (c)Harry Dunne

Believe it or not, there was a time when hip-hop made sense to some people. Even though there were always the detractors who claimed that it was noise, or just “nigger talk”. According to De La Soul’s ‘Stakes is High’ there was some common sense element to it. There was a time before platinum grills, every other artist having beef with one another (can you even imagine Dana Dane and Kwame having beef??), and rappers issuing their disrespectfully immodest trite verses like “I can still sell a mill saying nothing on the track.”

During that previous time when things made sense, it wasn’t so much that the actions were any less ignorant, mind you. They made sense in that gangstas acted like gangsters. They beat up television hosts, got killed, caught rape cases, murder cases, even attempted murder cases. However, they did NOT, under pain of death, 1) strip, 2) kiss men, or 3) do the Soulja Boy dance.

Seems like lifetimes ago…

Like Harry from ‘Dumb and Dumber’ (classic shit), I start thinking that things couldn’t possibly get any dumber in hip-hop. Every gimmick’s been used, every glass of NyQuil has been sipped, every tattoo has been tatted. Even butterflies. On faces. Of “gangsta rappers” .

Then I’m reassured – “Yeah, Jah, you ain’t seen nothing yet!”

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Case in point, we have the brilliant folks who designed these $50,000 diamond encrusted sneakers. Apparently $200 is not enough to spend on an immediately depreciable good. We need our finances to be infinitely worse. In fairness, though, these sneakers are encrusted with 11 carats of diamonds. “Woo hoo!”

What’s next? Platinum-plated prosthetics?

“Yo, son, my fake leg got SIX rubies in it, kid!!!!”

Holler.

GYASI

You got something on your so-called mind? You want to tell it to a thousand million people? Send it to DP Dot Com and we will put you up in our Guest Room.

This Bear Is Called BLU CHEEZ…

December 6th, 2007

collegiate

When did Muslims become this hyper-sensitive lot?

Every day they are rioting over cartoons or caricatures. Now they are wildin’ out over teddy bears? I think my homey BLU CHEEZ needs to go to that school in the Sudan and set those elementary insurgents straight.

You never see BLU CHEEZ get upset about anything. Dude is just into keeping his shit smoothed out. Peep the camel hair top coat and the handknit cotton crewneck sweater. And that is what dude rocks just to search the internets for provocative newsworthy images (read: pr0n).

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When BLU CHEEZ is teaching creative writing to the English as second language students at the JUAN PABLO DUARTE Academy he keeps his sartorial shit madd professorial. F.Y.I. That orange sweater is cashmere.

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On chilly autumn days BLU CHEEZ throws on the lambswool and the corduroy. Who do you think taught T.I. how to rock a knit cap sideways?

During weekends BLU CHEEZ is famous for kicking back with the shorties. This is one hep cat whose lifestyle certainly isn’t unbearable.

Yes, you can hate him now.

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Nigger Should’a Got Himself A MySpace…

December 6th, 2007

hawkins

This nigger decided to merc’k his whole town just because he was a loser.

In his suicide note he claimed that he would “at least have fame now”.

Being famous is hell’a simple. Try staying famous.

I’ve already forgotten this nigger’s name.

Damn!

How little talent and creativity is there in the heartland of America that this meatball couldn’t just get a MySpace page? Fucking EVERYBODY is on FaceBook now. People are getting television show offers based off the numbers they generate on social networking sites and this dumb asshole is so bereft of ambition that he can’t even get his internets on.

What he did accomplish, but you won’t hear about from any mainstream media outlet is how this poor kid turned Omaha, Nebraska into downtown Falluja. Doesn’t it bother you that in such a small window of time America has mirrored a third world nation where the people respond to difficulty without humanity or consideration? It’s not so much that we are facing an end of days mindset in that we are looking at the most undereducated population in a great civilization.

People are just stupid. Especially ROBERT HAWKINS.

A LETTER FROM THE MANAGEMENT

December 6th, 2007

headache

Owwww, my aching head!

I am getting too damn old to be doing this shit on a school night. My man like 50 grand RM linked with me in Medina last nite and we fell through this holiday event organized by MARC ECKO and Complex. Yes, that same MARC ECKO that I said should take the penis from his jowls.

That remark was a lifetime ago in internets time and he was letting about five hundred people use his office space as a networking lounge. All the free Hennessy and Gran Marnier you could drink. And you already know my story…

So here I am now at 2am in my parent’s basement quite twisted, but content that I politicked with some of the people inside the game that I give a fuck about. Shout out to PLAIN PAT, HOBBS, CHAD, Bodega JAMES and JENNIFER.


JENNIFER, oh JENNY.

Another shout goes out to adidas Rockport since they were the ones that provided the unlimited booze and free shoes. ERNIE, you asked me about some adidas Rockport boots. I got you homeslice. Beggar from my PardonMeDuke family, get at me sonn. You’ve got mail, and it’s a pair of shoes. I got one more pair to give away and I need to give them to my homey LM. Dude just mailed me a check to cover my domain registration and server fees for 2008. DP Dot Com ain’t going nowhere.

Right now though, DP is going to bed. Peace out bitches.