Sports are Gay « dallaspenn.com

Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

The Monday Morning Quarterback Wk.10

Monday, November 13th, 2006

ouch

I am so NOT baaaaaaalllin’ right now. This was a master upset weekend and I was on the wrong side of everything. Props to the J.E.T.S. and everyone who was flying high with those dudes. I can’t wait to look at the point total to see who caked up this weekend. I just know it’s gonna be nervous. Will CANDICE finally relent her grip on the number one spot? Who will be the high point winner? How real is this football pool?

A quick point for next week’s pool. RD submitted his picks 8 minutes after kickoff today. I’m not disqualifying him(this time) because he writes for the site, but from here on in if your picks arent recorded by Saturday, or the day BEFORE the first games’ kickoff your picks will be invalid. As we get towards the conclusion of the season I don’t want anybody to complain about cheating or anything improper from the pool management. We are still hungry for a sponsor for the grand prize winner and we don’t want our pool to seem mafia accessible like college football.

So now it’s time to add up the points and see what the drilly is. Cross your fingers…

THE DALLAS – 3 pts (37)
CANDICE = 2 pts (42)
TIFFANY = 4 pts (37)
40 DAWG aka Sgt. VERNON WATERS = 4 pts (39)
J trademark= 4 pts (21)
LM = 3 pts (39)
AMADEO = 6 pts (40)
JESSE = 3 pts (29)
SHONQUAYSHAH= 5 pts (41)
Mr.KAMOJI = 4 pts (40)
EL A IN THE D = 5 pts (29)
SASQUATCHFART = 6 pts (32)
PRYNSEX = 5 pts (35)
S DOT = 3 pts (34)
ALEX2.0 = 8 pts (40)*all four (4) Bonus Points
ESBEE = 4 pts (10)*
RD = 3 pts (31)

**TRUE STORY – I wrote this out on Sunday night after the first half of the Giants – Bears game. When I woke up this morning to go to work I checked the final score of the late nite game and lo and behold the Da’ Bears spanked the Jints**

I’m blown away that there were 11 points on the table and no one other than ALEX2.0 scored more than 8 this week. Get your weight up party people. CANDICE is still the truth. She picks weeks to be down on her picks and no one else can seem to touch her. I don’t expect her to go through a slump for the rest of the pool so if you don’t com razor sharp you are going to start to feel the squeeze out. Six more weeks to go and it’s going down to the wire.

da bears DA’ BEARS – DITKA AND DALLAS

Posted in Sports are Gay | 8 Comments »

NBA SEASON 2006-07: Where Is The Love?

Friday, November 10th, 2006

kissss

After one week of the new NBA season has been put into play I notice that there is a love for the game that seems to be missing. It’s not so much that players aren’t kissing each other anymore (no Baby F Weezy), but when the game’s best player walks off the court before time has expired I get the notion that not everything is love-love in the longshorts Association.

kissss

If LeBRON JAMES were RANDY MOSS every newspaper would have written an op-ed about the petulant, selfish, ungrateful athlete who is ruining professional sports because he doesn’t respect the team aspect of his sport (read: Black athlete). What exempts LeBRON from being niggardly villified in the T.I. MSM? I guess it’s the fact that he is riding with one of the most powerful plantation owning T.I.’s on the planet in DAVID STERN. Nobody said a peep about LeBRON’s antics, except for the closeted sportswriter Gay JAY MARIOTTI. No one from ESPN even noticed this story. I love ESPN for their highlights and their snark and how they have several white sportscasters that cleverly misappropriate urban dialect, but I hate the fact that they are no more than just a 24 hour a day advertisement for the NFL and the NBA. Home Shopping Network has more journalistic integrity. BOO YAH!

showbee

Only LM would believe that GILBERT ARENAS would have a better ppg average than SHOWBEE The Rapist, but that’s the magic contained in the first week of play. Speaking of the Magic, there is a website called Grant Hill’s Ankle that will undoubtedly chronicle the quest for mediocrity that the Orlando Magic are on. I would tell you to leave them a comment but they have some security system on their comments section that is tougher to crack than BeYONCE’s bodyguard. In any case, TURKOGLU can’t pull those last second fade away jumpers out of his arse every night. It’s not like he’s TRACY McGRADY or something.

mac

TRACY McGRADY is the number one pick on my fantasy team draft sheet. Yep, even before SHAAKWEEL. I’ll tell you why… TRACY has a classy wedding photo album production aesthetic. Take the time to let that jawn load up. Homeboy has semi-nude picks of his wife up on that piece. TRACY, you are the man and the internets love you for it. I sent that link to my peoples at ON SMASH dot com so that means that this weekend there will be about fifty thousand internets geeks doing the meat roll up to TRACY’s new wife. Now all I need is for homegirl to start going to the games like JASON KIDD’s ~~whore~~ wife so I can complete my CLARINDA McGRADY photo album.

Oh, and yeah, the Knicks still suck.

Posted in Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sports are Gay | 9 Comments »

The DP Dot Com Football Pool (Wk 10)

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

dip set

This week’s DP Dot Com Football Pool is being hosted by LM and the Dip Set. With the release of Jim Jones national mixtape, er, independent album on Tuesday and the heavy turnout on election day this might be the season for the Diplomats.

This week’s pool with be the toughest one yet. It’s chock full of games that can go any which way. That’s why LM and the Dips are giving you four (4) chances to rack up bonus points. Some of y’all are gonna need ’em. Let’s see if someone can finally move CANDICE from her post that she has held down since we started this pool. Here’s the lineup…

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ ATLANTA FALCONS
Last week’s loss for Atlanta brought the Dirty Birds back to Earth. CAM’RON says that he pushed mad weight in Columbus, but he never saw Bow Wow. That’s because Bow Wow lives in Atlanta now. RON MEXICO pwns the carpet.

GREEN BAY PAKERS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Minnesota elected their first Black Muslim Congressman in their history on Tuesday and BRETT FAVRE historically sucks on astroturf.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS
Miami gets back to being who they were before their remarkable win in Chi-Town. Kansas City wears a lot of red. DipSet bitch!

SAN FRANCISCO 49er’s @ DETROIT LIONS
Detroit is one of the gulliest cities in America and that appeals to the Dips, but the 49er’s wear red and gold and that is the key to ‘Ghettosexuality‘.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Here are two teams heading in different directions. With such a tumultuous week in D.C. it must feel good to take a short drive up the turnpike, even if it is to the hellhole that has become Philly. After last year, CAM’RON isn’t fond of D.C. anymore either.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Dips have been pushing crazy weight in Pittsburgh since the MEL BLOUNT days. The Steelers will win this game without MEL’s help.

CHICAGO BEARS @ NEW YORK GIANTS
Chi-Town’s second loss in as many weeks. Like your boy JIMMY says… BAAAAAAAAWWWWLLLLIN’

**BONUS POINTS * BONUS POINTS * PONUS POINTS**

Who has the most rushing yards this weekend? TIKI BARBER or TATUM BELL?
TATUM BELL
(Winners get 1 pont each)

Who throws the most touchdownpasses this weekend? CARSON PALMER or CHAD PENNINGTON?
CARON PALMER
(Winners get 1 pont each)

Total combined score for BUFFALO BILLS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS.
47 pts.
(poolers closest to actual score all get 1 pt each)

Total combined score for DENVER BRONCOS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS.
17 pts.
(poolers closest to actual score all get 1 pt each)

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Sports are Gay | 24 Comments »

A DP Dot Com Man-Crush (No TED HAGGARD)

Monday, November 6th, 2006

doc

ALEX2.0 asked me if I ever had a man-crush before and the truth is that I never held any man in higher esteem than my dad, but if there were any guys that I would have wanted to be my big brothers it would have been MIKE TYSON, BERNARD KING, PATRICK EWING and DWIGHT ‘DOC’ GOODEN. Of all these dudes I would have to say that the DOC was my favorite.

It might have been because DOC was as young as he was, but he seemed so much more accessible to me. Dude had this beaming gold capped tooth and the wild drippy jheri curls like one of your cousins from the backwoods. When he pitched at Shea Stadium it was such a major event. We were all waiting for him to strike out 27 batters in a row. He would pwn’d veteran players with his fastball and then freeze them up like mannequins with a reedirkulous curveball.

At that time in my life I had seen some of my role models fall by the wayside because of drug abuse so I wasn’t shocked or actually disappointed when DWIGHT’s substance abuse issues came to light. It seemed par for the course in the 80’s. Everyone was either on drugs or selling them. DOC faded to black as he succumbed to the addiction monster. In my late teens and my early twenties I found myself trapped by my own addiction demons and I struggled to fight them throughout my post teenage, adult-beta life. I finished a rehabilitation stint in 1996 and that year DWIGHT GOODEN pitched a no-hitter for the Yankees. The first and only in his career.

I liked to think that somehow my life was connected to that of DWIGHT GOODEN in that we have a resiliency that allows us to come back from adversity, but without all of that I still respect dude as a man and I still would be proud of him if he were my big brother.

Posted in Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, Sports are Gay, When I Reminisce... | 3 Comments »

The Monday Morning Quarterback Wk.9

Monday, November 6th, 2006

patsies

I swear I can’t win but for losing with some of these football picks. Everybody was getting all giddy over RONNY MEXICO and then homeboy goes wood (no KORDELL STEWART). My Cowboys are another team that needs to be ashamed of themselves for not having the motivation to whup on a Washington team that is clearly going nowhere fast. How ’bout them Dolphins?!? Protecting the legacy of ’72 or whatever year that was. Drinks on the house at Csonka’s Bar & Grill.

I’m not sure why all of you didn’t take advantage of the bonus points, and we ended up with a four way tie for the total combined score of the Chiefs/Rams contest. Since the point total was 48 and no one guessed that exact number I granted a point to everyone that was the closest to that number. AMADEO, EL A in the D, PRYNSEX and SHONQUAYSHAH get 1 extra point added to their score. The other bonus question asked who would score the most on Sunday, the Cowboys or the Falcons. Since the Falcons took one in the ‘a’ (and I’m not talking Atlanta) everyone that said Cowboys for that question gets 1 point added to their pick total this week. SHONQUAYSHAH was the only one brave enough to walk with me on that call. Looks like some of you got burnt by RON MEXICO, ha! Enough jokes, let’s see if anyone was lucky enough to wrest the lead from CANDICE’s moneygrip…

THE DALLAS – 5 pts (34)
CANDICE = 3 pts (38)
TIFFANY = 3 pts (33)
40 DAWG & The Tall Cans = 6 pts (35)
J trademark= 3 pts (17)
LM = 3 pts (36)
AMADEO = 4 pts (34)
JESSE = 3 pts (26)
SHONQUAYSHAH= 5 pts (36)
Mr.KAMOJI = 2 pts (36)
EL A IN THE D = 3 pts (24)
PRYNSEX = 4 pts (30)
S DOT = 1 pt (31)
ALEX2.0 = 3 pts (32)
MISHA = 0 pts (4)
ESBEE = 3 pts (6)

Shit is getting thick up in this piece fa’sho. When I come back this week I will give you a few small rule changes that shouldn’t affect the pool. One of them is that picks will have to be entered a day before the first game kicks off. This way you get your entries posted in case I have some server outage issues.

SHONQUAYSHAH has repeatedly asked about a basketball pool and I would be willing to host one on the site, but only if someone else administered it. Most of you humps are too lazy to even type in complete sentences so I don’t imagine a project that would require some effort as being something in your wheelhouses. I’m just saying…

Posted in Sports are Gay | 13 Comments »

dallaspenn.com