Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

The Association 2008: Trading Places…

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

trading places

There is less than two weeks left before the NBA trading deadline expires so that basically means there are two weeks until the Knicks season becomes virtually worthless. Until February 22nd I will live the dream that somehow ISAIAH can trade away the entire roster for KOBE BRYANT, TIM DUNCAN, LeBRON JAMES, CHRIS PAUL and CARMELO ANTHONY.

You know who definitely needs to get traded? The Nets point guard JASON KIDD. His homey GARY PAYTON finally won a title with Miami a few years ago. Now its time for J KIDD to have another shot at a ring. I fucks with KIDD (no AMAECHE) because sonn gets triple doubles like someone who is a foot taller. Withou a credible jumpshot JASON KIDD has been arguably the best point guard in the NBA for his entire career.

This has been a season of movement and realignment in the Association. SHAQ is in Phoenix, GASOL, formerly of the Grizzlies is in Los Angeles, and KEVIN GARNETT has sparked Boston to the league’s best record when he is on the court. So the question becomes this… Where should J KIDD be traded in order to have the best chance at winning a title? In my mind there are two prime locations in each conference.

Boston Celtics
Imagine adding KIDD’s on-court awareness and Finals experience to the talents of KEVIN GARNETT, RAY ALLEN and PAUL PIERCE? That would make the Boston Celtics the odds on favorite for the ‘chip. Plus, you know Beantown has an affinity for lite-skinded, ball hawking point guards. Word to DENNIS JOHNSON R.I.P.
j kidd

j kidd Los Angeles Lakers
The Lakers might still need one more piece even with JASON KIDD although they would become more exciting than the Suns. I don’t feel like any other Western conference teams become as measurably better with KIDD as the Lakers do. The Mavericks need to learn how to play defense from the position that NOWITZKI plays. That ain’t happening anytine soon.

Phoenix Gets Another Gorilla…

Thursday, February 7th, 2008

go rilla

Since we are on an NBA vibe and since this is Black History Month(ughh) can I go in for one minute on the ridiculous mascot for the Phoenix Suns?

Am I being overly sensitive? Please let me know that I am tripping on this one.

Arizona would be the type of state that you could get some shit like this off too. Remember how they had to be dragged into accepting the MLK Jr holiday as if it were a decree to actually be nice to Black people? Arizona hearts apartheid.

Unlike the NBA players the gorilla needs a trampoline to dunk the basketball. What was I thinking? How could this be racist?

Mark my words party people, in our lifetime there will be a sports expansion team in Colorado or the Carolinas and their mascot will be a coon. What will you say then?

reggie

The other gorilla that Phoenix just picked up are the remains of a once proud champion named SHAQUILLE O’NEAL. This is SHAQ’s fourth team in his storied NBA career. All indications are that this will be his last stop. The Diesel is almost out of gas. SHAQ doesn’t have to be the omnipresent force that he was in years past during his stint in Phoenix. He just has to be ready for the playoffs. That is pretty much SHAQ’s steez anyhoo.

KOBE BRYANT might be the NBA’s biggest douchebag on and off the court, but he called it several years ago when he said that SHAQUILLE O’NEAL uses the regular season to get himself into shape. I imagine that his off-season conditioning, or more precisely lack thereof, had to be grating on PAT RILEY’s nerves. This is the only white man that wears a du-rag to sleep in order to maintain the moisture of his slickback. PAT RILEY seems like the type of cat that would iron his pajamas.

I predict that SHAQUILLE O’NEAL will get the Suns to the Finals this year. As a matter of fact, I will call it right here that the Suns will win the ‘chip this year over the Boston Celtics. How sick are Boston professional sports that they can be a part of all the major championships in a twelve month period yet they don’t know what a fucking Lite-Brite is? I forgive my brother DART ADAMS for living in the East coast version of Podunk. The rest of Boston stays losing.

2008 NBA All-Star Weekend Fluesy Guidebook…

Thursday, February 7th, 2008

as 08

The SHOW Show goes in hard like all great internets celebrities should and gives us fluesys a guidebook for properly swerving through N’Awlins for the 2008 NBA All-Star Weekend. This weekend is like MLK Day times twelve on crack with 30 inch spinning Sprewell rims.

You think Hurricane Starrkeysha left New Orleans fucked the fuck up? The collection of jig madness that is descending upon the Bayou right now will change your mind forever. However, if you follow The SHOW Show’s solid gold advice you will have an enjoyable and bullet wound free weekend.

I needed these pointers a few years back when I was in Philly for the All-Star game…

They Might Be Giants…

Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

giants

While the rest of New York City is giddy over the Super Bowl victory of the New JERSEY Giants I find myself a bit melancholy. Being a Dallas Cowboys fan in this town is never fun even when we are on top of the world, plus I wanted to see New England establish a new benchmark for NFL greatness. I’m tired of hearing about the Pittsburgh Steelers of the 1970s being the greatest NFL dynasty. A Patriots win would have wiped that notion away.

Alas I find myself in a sea of red and blue for the next year until my Cowboys can return to glory. I dedicate this drop to CANDICE and to all of you fans of the team from the stinking Meadowlands.

all pics courtesy of DP Dot Commenter Rob-A

giants

Baby Longneck – MVP

giants

My favorite Giant through all of this has been Grandma Giant.

giants

Spotting the accountants downtown is pretty easy. These dudes know better than to shred any paper before April 15th.

giants

How easy would it be to just put the ‘J’ next to the ‘N’? For chissakes, the Giants have been playing New Jersey since the 1970’s!

giants

Someone has waaaaay too much time on their hands.

giants

Several fans requested to fingerbang Baby Longneck. One cheeky fan even wanted permission to fist him.

giants

When he promised to fingerbang several fans, the crowd roared its approval.

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How tough is this guy? He’s looking to take on TWO fingers.

giants

“Hey boys! Up here. You can fingerbang me. My boss is doing it right now!”

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Little Timmy wistfully awaits the day when he too can be fingerbanged by his heroes.

giants

^^^ Word to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

MLB PREPARES TO START SNITCHING…

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

andy pettitte


ANDY PETTITTE went before Congress
to tell his story of having HGH pumped into his booty. If sports were ever ghey, and they certainly are ghey, this was the gheyest revelation. Gheyer than that ghey dude that used to play football writing a book with that ghey dude that used to play basketball. Gheyer than even SHERYL SWOOPES, and no one can deny how ghey that is.

I’m just upset that talk radio and sportswriting faggotry hasn’t been sicked on ROGER CLEMENS the way they jumped all over BARRY BONDS. Oddly enough everyone has been mum up to this point. I’m optimistic that when the season begins maybe there will be some outcry, but at the end of the day being mad at CLEMENS and PETTITTE and whoever used steroids doesn’t change how people reacted to BONDS.

It shouldn’t change anything about the game either. Professional sports exists as our modern day circuses to offer us a diversion from the fact we are plunged headfirst into a downward spiraling economy while we are perpetuating military conflicts over the Earth’s natural resources. I just finished watching a Super Bowl that had as many advertisements for drugs as it did for different types of cars and beers. Let’s be honest and say that the rush you get from prescription medication is a whole lot cheaper than buying that Acura RL.

This is the same rush that baseball players get when striking someone out with a 90mph fastball or hitting a 500ft. home run. Blaming baseball players for getting their high seems cheap to me, and mostly cowardly. America is addicted to drugs period. That is the white elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge. Instead, we just keep watching the tell lie vision. Woo hoo, the Giants won the Super Bowl! I wonder how many NFL players use designer synthetic steroids?

Awww, who gives a fuck. Somebody pass me a beer.