Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

GRAND THEFT AUTO in Durham, N.C.

Monday, April 24th, 2006

gta1

So I am at my kid brother’s crib puffing on that CHEECH & CHONG when he shows me this secret screen inside the ‘Grand Theft Auto’ videogame.

gta2

Well blow my dick with a rubber doll! I didn’t know that you can get points on this game for killing and raping hookers. Alright, I knew it, but I never saw it done. If I were a defense attorney for one of those rapists from the Duke University lacrosse team I would be blaming everything that happened that night on this video game(and rap music).

hotcoffee2
hotcoffee

Holy guacomole, after you have had sex with the hooker you can beat her to death and get your money back. If any of you ladies wonder why your young kids have no respect for you when you aren’t buying them shit you need to look no further than the games that he plays on the PS2 console that you bought for him.

hotcoffee3
hotcoffee4

CAM’RON is a Genius!

Saturday, April 22nd, 2006

cam'ron

CAM’RON has just signed GEORGE JEFFERSON to the Diplomats.

Now think about all the cake CAM is going make off the syndicated reruns that air on TV Land.

I hang with George and Weezie,
I eat the the Reesy pieces,
told the chick to get the perm,
her hair was greasy peasy,
in other words called nappy,
the Feds they wanna nab me,
sold an O of ‘dro on the video
with Scooby Doo and Shaggy.

DipSet bitch
Killa

dipset chain

All Day I Dream About Sneakers

Saturday, April 22nd, 2006

leather lavers

A few weeks ago I shipped off to Philadelphia with the entire website staff. We were going away for a TONY ROBBINS seminar and another motivational speech to be given at our very own website staff meeting. Things for the site are looking up. We have almost thirty subscribers to our YouTube videos even though we haven’t released any new material since last year. The website has finally reached double digits in regular readership… okay, that’s not exactly true, we fluctuate between nine to ten.

Philadelphia should be interesting. It’s been years since I crossed through that city for anything other than Negro nonsense. What year was the NBA All-Star game in Philly? That would have been the last time. Oh yeah, peace out to FENDI and BEAST for hooking everybody up with the employee discount at the Wyndham. I decided to wear my Adidas ROD LAVER leathers for the trip. I haven’t worn any Adidas shoes for months now and since I was going O.T. I figured I could cheat on my main squeeze a little. Since I’m 37yrs old and this year is the 37th anniversary of LAVER winning his second grand slam I thought I should pay the man some respect.

u.s. open

ROD LAVER leathers might be the cleanest and classiest tennis shoes around. I have a pair of Tretorns and because they are canvas they pick up dirt as if they were magnets. The K-Swiss all white leathers are also classics but they are cliche too. Something like faux preppy letterman sweaters. NIKE tennis shoes are just too technical, and not enough casual. I wanted to get my laid back style poppin’ and I wanted to have a shoe that you could walk the strip in. The great thing about the LAVER leathers is that they can be wiped off, whereas the LAVER mesh can never be cleaned. Eventually they get so beat down that you just have to leave them on the street for a homeless person to pick up.

Speaking of homeless people, I fit right in with the local Philly population. Everyone has a beard, even the women. The homeless people don’t look much different from the average person. The only difference being that the homeless people ask you for money. As we walked through center city and asked random strangers for directions it was strange that no one seemed to want to answer us. Did we look like tourists? Or were these people some homogeneous race of alien beings in human form. I should have exclaimed, “Take me to your leader!” Where is the love Philadelphia?!?

I love lavers

So after our staff meeting was done with(more on that later) we were able to go back out and explore the city. The intern found the prison were LIL’ KIM was staying. Since he isn’t on her list of friends he was denied access. There isn’t too much else going on in Philly as far as culture and free shit. There is like some old broken bell that people have to pay to see and some other pre-historic nonsense that I won’t even bother to mention. Everyone from the state of Pennsylvania seems to congregate on South Street. With tons of chicks from Temple and UPenn on the stroll the intern was right inside his wheelhouse now. I found a few sneaker spots, but there was nothing exclusive and nothing in my size. At least the Adidas store provided some free entertainment.

dj 007
dj 007
dj 007
dj 007
dj 007

The Adidas store was throwing a party to campaign for their new Adicolor item. These are Adidas Superstar shoes that have a removable color insert that you can change to match our outfit. Like the old school Power or Kaepa cheerleading sneakers. I guess that would be cool if you were a chick on the school spirit team, but for a dude this seems kind of teh ghey. That was my boy DJ 007 doing his thing. He begged me to take him out of Philly to some place that was really popping, but I told him that there is a strict caste system in the world when it comes to deejays and he wasn’t allowed to try and elevate his caste level. It would mess up the whole universal balance greenhouse eco-system or something. Poor guy, he will stuck doing proms in Camden, N.J. for the rest of his life.

philly at nite

Philadelphia was really pretty at night, but that was more a function of C.S. sporting her new lingerie than anything else. No new sneaker acquisitions were made, but I wouldn’t rule out a return visit especially for a LIL’ KIM ‘Get Out of Jail’ party.

leather lavers

Where the Hell is REGGIE NOBLE?

Thursday, April 20th, 2006

reggie


Step 1) affix image to milk container
Step 2) mail to Island/Def Jam records attn: Shawn Carter

REDMAN is on the short list of rappers that I would pay money to see live in concert and the even shorter list of rappers whose album I would actually pay ten bucks for. It gets frustrating that between me and all the Puerto Ricans that live in Cypress Hills, N.Y., and all the Philipinos from Elmhurst we can’t convince el jefe LA HOVA to put out some new material from our boy.

This is also a little surprising to me because I thought that dude would show the FUNK DOC some respect since they toured together. The people get amped for RED’s antics and his lyrical gymnastics. In my opinion, if RED were a little more lightskin he would have been bigger than EMINEM. I can just see RED on Sesame Street, together with ELMO, singing the lyrics to ‘How to Roll a Blunt’. O.K. maybe not ELMO, but COOKIE MONSTER would definitely do it. COOKIE MONSTER was obviously high anyhoo because that dude stay with the munchies.

So what does the FABOLOUS president of DefJam do while he could be pushing hard for the local talent that is under his label’s umbrella?

jiggaman

He is busy chasing down acts from Houston and Miami instead of protecting the legacy that is right here in NYC. GHOSTFACE shouldn’t have to beg for his chips. No one that has put work in should have to. Rap fans should give LEX DIAMONDS the respect that rock fans give to NEIL DIAMOND. The crap music business has never truly respected the veterans of the game. As soon as you turn 30years old the industry machine is kicking you out the door unless you have a gimmick. 50 CENT is 35years old, but his p.r. people are steady calling him 28 and constantly reminding us that he was shot 9x. NAS is the same age as DIDDY and JAY-Z. A rapper’s age shouldn’t make a difference as long as he has vocal dexterity and an imagination.

That’s why I am so bored with the crap game right now. There are too many copycat artists afraid to express their own style. They just copy the swagger of whoever is getting the most radio airplay. Clear Channel Corp. is responsible for creating the background noise in crap music now. That’s why I won’t listen to any of their stations. My name might be DALLAS, but I am not taking orders from anyone living in Texas. If you work for Clear Channel you are working for the same people that are raising my gas prices. The same people that gave me ex-FEMA Director MIKE BROWN. The same people that shoot their friends in the face. If you work for Clear Channel your pathology is fucking up this planet.

red

I could care less about the radio now since there are only 4 songs playing on every station. What I do care about are artists like REDMAN and METHOD MAN, and TONY STARKS and even JUELZ SANTANA. All of these dudes have a proven track record. That is something to consider instead of just kicking them to the curb at the snap of a finger.

BOONDOCKS on DVD: Uncut and Uncensored

Thursday, April 20th, 2006

pops

Adult Swim’s #1 hit show will be available on DVD in the beginning of June.

There’s a whole list of goodies that Sony is adding with this three disk set, but I don’t know if all of that is going to be enough to keep the nerds from downloading it off the internets. Especially with an MSRP of $49.99 (((shudder))). I like AARON MacGRUDER for his politics and his courage in telling B.E.T. to kiss his sack, but I may be boosting this set of the ‘net too.

The sweaty fat guy and the old dude won’t be included with the DVD.