Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

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KEEP IT MOVIN’…

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

k.i.m.

You can’t handle the truth on the regulack at XXL Mag Dot Com.

I was instructed by my boss’ boss to not go in on the Elliott Wilson situation, but since I exist at this site tenuously anyhoo I thought I would say something for the record. And Since rap records’ sales figures are in the shitter prah’lee no one will buy this drop by the time I’m done.

Keep it moving XXL mag dot commenters.

It’s just that simple. What the fuck do you care why Elliot Wilson isn’t here any longer? There’s no conspiracy. Sonn-dula just ain’t here. So what now? Are you gonna stop listening to rap music? Are you going to stop reading publications that talk about rappers? What in your life gets improved when you know where and why Elliott is?

That’s ho shit you are worried about. Don’t worry about Elliott. That nigga is doing better than all of us. Combined. I’ve got a column at XXL mag dot com and my ass is still eating tuna out of the can. Not even albacore sonn. Dark meat tuna. My cable got shut off over the weekend. I watched football at the Circuit City on Atlantic and Flatbush Avenues. I’m typing this shit from the public library at Grand Army Plaza. Meanwhile E Dubbz lives in a billion dollar penthouse condominium with Jay-Z and Common as neighbors.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. First off, he’s lightskin and figures show that good hair negroes live life on the sweet side of the street. So you know he left Harris Publications with his dignity. Good hair jigs like Elliott and Keith Clinkscales always stay crispy. Not so much speaking of Vibe magazine, but have you seen E Dubb’s wife? How the hell did he bag that? He ain’t even a pretty lightskin nigga either. Sonn has hell’s game I guess so wherever he goes his shit is gon’ be aiight. XXL mag and this online bastard child will be fine too. So while all you ho ass niggas speculate on the whys and the wherefores you need to keep your shit moving as well.

If you work at Mickey Dee’s this is the year you get promoted to fries up from bathroom cleaning duties. If you already work on fries you have reached the ceiling for growth and you should move on up to Boston Market or some shit. Shouts to all of y’all in school now getting a degree in some shit that will keep you in debt until you are 34yrs old. What up to all the XXL dot commenters at their jobs now reading this shit. I’m just like y’all and when I get back home I am gonna take me some drugs and sip me some wine.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. The rest of us? Not so much.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Billy Sunday @ XXL, Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Ghetto Celebs, iNternets Celebrities, Jig Lit Review, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, T.O.N.Y. | 26 Comments »

THE WRITER’s GUILD STRIKES OUT…

Monday, January 7th, 2008

wgae hat

My Writer’s Guild cap = virtually worthless…

For most intensive purposes the Writer’s Guild strike has been a striking failure. The daily fake news shows and late night talk shows will be aired live again starting today before the striking writers have reached any agreements with the production studios.

This sucks on so many levels I can’t even begin to count them. Firstly, trade unions are reeling nationwide because their membership no longer cares about the next generation of tradesmen that will inherit these unions in the future.

Surely there was a lack of credible union leadership being expressed from the Writer’s Guild management but at the end of the day these tradesmen needed to take a stand for themselves and their rights. Evidently the wealth inside of the WGA membership has turned these men into mice.

I will continue to forge ahead with content and information created directly for the internets, but I am reminded that if I ever receive the opportunity to expand my platform it will be under the provisions outside of my control. The writers have ceded their intellectual property over to the studios for rebroadcast on any platform the studios choose.

Residuals have paid many mortgages to homes that people would otherwise not be able to afford and put many a kid through an expensive college that they probably didn’t deserve to go to either. I normally champion the cause that refutes privilege and dismantles the status quo. The only reason these writers deserved to win this fight was not because they are a noble courageous lot, which they are not, but because the studios already have more money than they know what to do with.

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Harpers Weekly Review, HUFF YOU!, iNternets Celebrities, Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y., The MGMT, Wig Owners | 9 Comments »

RETIREMENT IS FOR SAPPS…

Friday, January 4th, 2008

sapp

No subliminals to SACH…

One of my favorite football players of all time is hanging up his playing cleats this off-season, provided BILL BELICHICK doesn’t come after him in the spring. SAPP was an ass kicker from the gate. In high school football he gave JOHNNY DAMON a concussion. SAPP won numerous defensive player awards at the University of Miami although he never won a national championship with the Hurricanes.

SAPP seemed destined to play his entire football career in his home state when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers drafted him out of college. SAPP would go on to be one of the most respected defensive tackles evar. Think of a faster and stronger JOE KLECKO. Using his speed, athleticism and game smarts WARREN SAPP became a Hall of Fame player. I wonder if FAVRE will shout him out during these playoffs?

Are you ready for a homegrown DP Dot Com x NFL Playoffs Football Pool? I am. Let’s do a little something with the NFL post-season about to jumpoff.

Here are the Rules...

You can only pick one(1) player per team. So if you chose Tom Brady as your QB you can NOT Randy Moss as a WR. Take your time and use strategy when assembling your team. You will only get points when your player plays so be careful of the 1st round byes and teams you think will only play one game. Your team must consist of…

PLAYERS
1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 TE
1 FLEX(could be a running back, wide receiver, or tight end)
1 Kicker
1 Defense/Special Teams

SCORING
6 pts- TD Rushing, Receiving, Passing
6 pts- Defensive TD, Kickoff Return/Punt Return for a TD
6 pts- Defensive Shutout
3 pts- Field Goals (4pts- 40 yarder, 5pts- 50 yarder, 6pts- 60 yarder)
3 pts- Defense holds opponent to 9 points or less
2 pts- Defensive safety
2 pts- Two point conversion (Rushing, Receiving, Passing)
1 pt- Every 10 yards Receiving, Rushing
1 pt- Every 20 yards Passing
1 pt- Defensive sack, interception, fumble recovery
1 pt- Kicking extra point
0 pts- Any yardage on punt/kickoff returns

* If a punt or kickoff is returned for a TD the D/ST gets 6 points and if you have a guy like Wes Welker as one of your WR’s he will also be credited with 6 pts if he ran it back. So in that scenario the Pats D & Welker will be credited 6 pts.
* RB has 73 rushing yards and 10 receiving yards(total yards – 83) he will be credited 8 pts.
* If a QB has 200 passing yards -1 rushing(total yards – 199), he will be credited 9 pts. If he has 199 passing yards &1 rushing(total yards – 200), he will be credited 10
*This is NOT for just the first round, but the ENTIRE playoffs so once your player is out you cant pick up another you have to play a man or two or three down.

Here’s what my squad looks like…

QB – Tom Brady
RB – LT(omlinson)
RB – Fred Taylor
WR – Donald Driver
WR – Plaxico Burress
TE – Jason Witten
FLEX- Joseph Addai
K- Rob Bironas
D/ST- Tampa Bay

The first game tomorrow is @ 1:00pm EST so if yuou don’t have your roster in the comments by then it will have to be a next season thing.

sapp

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Ghetto Celebs, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sports are Gay | 22 Comments »

TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT…

Friday, January 4th, 2008

employ

The continued dip in the stock market today wasn’t blamed on the sub-prime mortgage lending crisis or the escalating price of a barrel of oil Today’s stock market nemesis is the rising rate of unemployment in the United States. If somebody doesn’t pay attention and quickly we will be on some third world country shit where people are ferried around the places in taxicab bicycles.

Oh.

pedicab

The shit I am finding interesting is how many people are reportedly not even showing up for job interviews. WTF?!? That ain’t cool, unless you are really rich and your job interview is at some philanthropy organization you established in order to give away your money. That makes no sense right? Well that’s my point.

Employers increasingly jilted by job seekers

One of the biggest reasons I can imagine for people to juke a job interview is because the position being offered is straight up trash. But even then I wonder why people applied in the first place? Do unemployment benefits remain available for people that only schedule job interviews? It’s difficult for me to take a stand and bitch about corporate greed and outsourcing when more Americans are blowing off the initial stage of the hiring process.

I think companies need to review their benefit packages in order to make their businesses more attractive to people who might otherwise just stay in the parent’s basements. Consider some of these provisions…

  • Casual Mondays – flip flops and sweatpants are all good
  • 24-hr Cable TV Feeds – I’m predicting tremendous productivity during the commercial breaks
  • 3-Day Work Week – Send them home after 72 straight hours because they stink like ass
  • Free McDonald’s Lunch – No lunch for you if you work at McDonald’s
  • Nude Fridays – What is more casual than nothing at all?

    • Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Harpers Weekly Review, HUFF YOU!, Social Upheaval, The MGMT | 7 Comments »

    Capitalism And The Black Boogieman…

    Sunday, December 30th, 2007

    boogie man

    Since even before the motion picture ‘Birth Of A Nation’ debuted this country, hell, Western civilization for that matter, has promoted the notion that the African male is a supernatural demon. The idea has been incorporated into children’s holiday folklore like the story of our friend, Zwarte Piet, and it finds itself in media and publications dating back as early as the 16th century.

    I would surmise that the ascension of capitalism on the whole is intertwined with the objectification and degradation of the Black male. It works on many different levels and it serves these dual purposes equally well. Firstly, when the resources of Africa were being plundered and the indigenous peoples were being subjugated and colonized, how were the colonists to justify their supposed Christian ideals for historical sake if they did not demonize the African? How do you justify theft, rape and outright murder in the prism of religion? You can if you make the victim the devil.

    I am fast forwarding the discussion to the present tense because the same vein of persecution is administered throughout Western civilization’s popular culture. Black men are still portrayed as the hounds from Hell (no Michael Vick) who require an exorcism in order to accept the values of society. This is a theme repeated ad nauseam in contemporary music when the only stories relating to a Black man’s life describe violence from insufferable poverty. Worse than the violence that is alluded to in contemporary culture is the actual apathy that is encouraged through visual and audio media. No one else in the U.S., other than poor people, are cultivated to seek contentment when shit is so fucked the fuck up. Even pigs leave the mud sometimes, don’t they?

    I have to bear some of the blame for the negative image of Black men. I am partly responsible for this due to some of the poor decisions that I made when I was a teenager. But, what comes first? The young, uninformed mind, or a multi-billion dollar campaign of misinformation that persuades young people to eschew the values of education, honesty and community? I agree that individual responsibility MUST be a component for us to restore our communities in 2008 and beyond, but EVERYONE must accept their responsibility for this change, including the children that profit from the system of supremacy.

    Reshaping the content delivered by entertainment companies is long overdue anyhoo. Can we create a form of capitalism that doesn’t require exploitation and deprecation? Can we wrest the creation of art from the control of corporations? Art should not equal entertainment without education. Why must education and entertainment remain mutually exclusive propositions? These are the questions that we have to solve in 2008. If not then, when? If not us, who? The Black community is still filling prisons and morgues faster than schools and we ALL must work to stem this tide.

    boogieman The BoogieMan says…
    Go in on this Newsweek article linked below.

    The Search for Thugs

    Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Hollyweird, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Social Upheaval, When I Reminisce... | 8 Comments »

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