Archive for the ‘Jig Lit Review’ Category

X-MEN 3: The Review…

Monday, May 29th, 2006

dark phoenix saga

I wanted to let CLETUS the fetus do a review of this film, but after he submitted his paperwork on ‘The Inside Man’ and the utter abortion that was ‘Killa Season’ I thought better than having some Christian conservatives target this site. Not that we’re scared of them, but I just spent the whole weekend working out spam issues and we don’t need to have a group of people with nothing but time on their hands on our azzes (nullus).

cletus

Just as an aside, movie blockbuster wise, did you know that TOM CRUISE ate the placenta from his wife’s uterus!?!? How is this guy not in jail yet?

X-MEN 3 was everything that I hoped it would be. It was thrilling and suspenseful. The action scenes were on an adult level, yet still acceptable for younger viewers(not kids under twelve, but who other than jigs brings a 6yr old to an ‘R’ rated movie?). Because this is Hollywood I understand that it isn’t possible for them to maintain 100% fidelity to the comic series and they haven’t done too bad a job. I have complained about casting for some of the characters but that has been my biggest sticking point. The fact that the original five X-Men don’t appear in the cinema series until this episode hasn’t bothered me either. The X-Men franchise has a wealth of characters with interwoven storylines that it makes for an excellent film whenever the writing team is on point.

The team that Marvel conscripted to deliver this film was good. They weren’t great, like the Spider-Man team was, but they weren’t as flat as the Hulk or Daredevil team. And the Daredevil team had arguably the best storyline to work with when you consider the emotion contained in the ELEKTRA saga. With all that said they did an admirable job in keeping the franchise alive for additional sequels without leaving you hanging too badly in this one. New heroes make their appearances as do new villains. You can best believe that I shouted out in the theatre the line, “I’m the Juggernaut, biiiitch!” at the appropriate time. I still can’t believe that the writers had worked that line in for the character. The power of the internets is a beautiful thing.

The few issues I had with the film won’t give away any spoilers for those of you that haven’t seen the flick yet. No Cyclops and no Nightcrawler?!? WTF? The Beast made up for the fuzzy blue mutant contingent, but there was no inference of his backstory with the X-Men. The costumes were still boring as all hell with our merry mutants still clad in black leather like a motorcycle gang. Queer crappers SHAM’ROCK and KANGAY have made pink and pastel yellow acceptable for mainstream consumers. I think our superheroes should be reflective of society’s changing morays.

The theatre ran a preview of the new ‘Superman’ film and guess who is as teh ghey as ever? He even still has that faggoty spit curl.

I Got So Much Trouble On My Mind…

Friday, May 26th, 2006

the hulk

It’s politricks as usual for the Administration…

DICK CHENEY had better get his mind right before Special Counsel PATRICK FITZGERALD calls him to the Capitol Hill hotseat. What cracks me up is that we had to deal with months of this nonsense when BILL CLINTON left some spooge on a girl’s prom dress. Nowadays, people are dying in Iraq like it’s a daily operation and no one wants to ask why.

And it’s not just the President and the Executive Branch of the Administration flouting the laws. The Constitution is under attack from the Judicial Branch of government too. The F.B.I. kicked in the door of a U.S. Representative suspected of corruption and seized his briefs(nullus) and documents. Oh, waitaminnit, the congressman is a Black, so that doesn’t really count as illegal search and seizure. My bad.

When did government agencies start using rap music as their blueprint for inter-agency relations? There is more innuendo and undercover beefs than at a video shoot for 50 CENT and JA RULE’s new love song duet. The National Security Agency doesn’t rock with the Central Intelligence Agency. The CIA and the Federal Bureau of Investigation aren’t homies. Now the FBI is saying that its not feeling the Coast Guard?!? What the fuck don’t these people understand about the game? Protecting United States citizens is not a pissing match.

At least I know someone in the Administration who is concerned with protecting American lives. That’s why the President will be working all Memorial Day weekend with Britain’s Prime Minister, TONY BLAIR on how best they can protect their constituencies (read: preserve legacies).

Using a new NSA equipped ‘convo catcher’ phone tapping device provided by AT&T/Verizon/Sprint we can listen in on some of their discussions…

TONE B: Did you ever see the ‘Office’ mini-series?

G-DUBBZ:
Yeah, that was funny.

TONE B: I like the remake they did over here.

G-DUBBZ: T, can you pass the pretzels? I got the munchies.

TONE B: That Afghani hash I brought back was righteous.

G-DUBBZ: Hell to the yeah. How were things in Iraq?

TONE B: Fucked the fuck up.

G-DUBBZ: Yeah… I am gonna spark another bowl, you taking a hit?

TONE B: Yeah.

Well at least someone is getting their mind right.

WHO SHOT YA’? WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

kids

The big hip-hop story of the day is another crapper has been shot. Why go to Iraq when you can express yourself right here stateside and at least we have indoor plumbing. BEANIE SIEGAL was on his way to have his jewelry cleaned this morning when a man with a beard (real talk: ‘ay nigga in Philly has a beard, not every, ‘AY NIGGA!) shot him twice in the arm. BEANS was able to drive himself to the hospital where he is said to be recovering from his wounds.

The big question I am going to ask anyone reading this crappy site is, “Who the fuck cares?!?”

Do you care Philadelphia?

Do you care Kansas City?

Do you care Detroit?

Do you care Houston?

Do you care Oakland?

We live in a country where there are more than 20,000 deaths annually from guns. By the end of the year, crappers and their weedcarriers will amount to a very small fraction of the loss in human life. Arguably, they are also the most expendable, especially if everybody is going to rhyme like JAY-Z. But for the other 20,000+ unlucky fucks and their families there won’t be any ‘Stop the Violence’ records.

Where is the national leadership on this issue? I mean, like, real elected leaders and not just the community activists. New York’s liberal Senators should be raising their arms(pun intended) over this issue. How about that halfrican jig Senator from Chi-Town? This moral issue should be able to make him reappear. Let the owners of Smith & Wesson answer the question what purpose do handguns serve other than to kill people?

WE’RE BAAAAACK!!!! Well, Not Really…

Monday, May 22nd, 2006

stymie

What it do web-cipher?!? Your’e man fifty-grand is back on this blogrizzle fa’shizzle. We still haven’t ironed out all the coding issues, but I can’t stay out the loop for too long. Like your boy MIKE JONES said, “if you don’t work you don’t eat, if you don’t grind you don’t shine.”

I should have listened to him before I tricked all my paper away on the website’s info tech expert, JACQUI HERNANDEZ. I took her to two sold out concerts featuring the ROOTS, COMMON, MOS DEF, ERYKAH BADU, NAS, JAY-Z and DAVE CHAPPELLE and then she pulls up lame when its time to fix the bugs in the WordPress O.S. Instead she passes me off to some telephone techserve who prah’lee hasn’t had her equipment upgraded since the tsunami.

thai i.t.

No, I do not want a quart of dog fried rice! I want my website fixed and I need to have my computer debugged. So now I am put on hold for like an hour and when the chick comes back on the line she gives me the address where I have to take my computer. Alright, let’s see what techs are available on a sunny Saturday afternoon?

hell naw

O.K. First off, I don’t trust any repairmen that don’t wear undergarments. Unless you are like me, sitting in your parent’s basement, drinking Level vodka mixed with Tropicana Tropics Orange Peach Mango juice from your special cup with the crazy straw, you MUST wear undergarments.

The final verdict is that I need a new flux capacitor for my computer so unless anyone out there has the official bone gristle hook up on a new iMac I will have to keep trying to churn out this blog with my Frankenstein G4.

chewie and the man

SPAM, BITCHES!

Friday, May 19th, 2006

spam

What it do web cipher? I apologize to some of you if your comments haven’t been posted one hundred. It’s time for us to do some unexpected site maintenance to handle the traffic that is falling thru the seams. We will have our tech staffers like JACQUI HERNANDEZ get right on top of the issue. When she gets on top of something it always gets handled right. Nah’mean?!?

I call my baby P.U.S.S.Y.

Shouts to everybody that has been effing with us for the second quarter. We ain’t in the lead yet, but our offense is streaky like JOHN STARKS and it hasn’t been shooting its best. Otherwise, everything is still gravy in the Navy and we will be be back on this blog grizzly in a hot one with more of that internets crack that you be fiendin’ for. And don’t forget…

BLU CHEEZ IS FOR THE KIDS!

killa kid