Archive for the ‘Straight Laced’ Category

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

woody

Wood paneled patent leather Dunks to match the interior of the Mini Cooper.

Available for $39.95 at Paragon Sports in New York City.

You can hate me now.

woody

woody

woody

PAUL WALL: Black Like Me

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

pall wizzall

PAUL WALL and my favorite rapper RAEKWON travel to Africa to witness firsthand the mining process in the global diamond trade. I thought it was fitting that a Wu leader would make this trip since the Wu were the rappers that first used the word ice to represent diamonds and their lust for the semi-precious stones. PAUL WALL seems like a good choice for this journey as well since his claim to fame in most rap music circles is the fact that he used to make tooth veneers out of semi-precious metals and stones.

VH-1(the home of Hip-Hop video programming) will begin airing one of their original series rock-docs tonight called called ‘Bling’d: Blood Diamonds and Hip-Hop‘ that documents the rappers trip to Sierra Leone in Africa. I will admit to you that I am a little nervous about endorsing this show based on all of the other trash content that Viacom broadcasts when Hip-Hop is concerned, but I will give at a shot for at least tonight. I’ve seen outlets that have recently blamed Hip-Hop music for the global obsession with diamonds as if the conceit only began when kids from the Bronx dreamed of living lavishly. People are quick to forget television programs like ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ which documented all the things that the rich do with their money, but never once illustrated how the rich exploit the poor to gain their wealth.

I can’t believe that this journey won’t transform these artists as humans. Maybe they will make better music because of it. If PAUL WALL learns to rhyme from RAEKWON then this could be the best thing evar. I knew there was a reason we asked PAUL WALL to put our website name inside of his grill.

pall wizzall

The Lezzie, The Nazi And The Nigerian…

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

obama

It’s politricks as usual bitches, but this time it’s for the motherlode. The whole enchilada. The unsurpassable corner office. The transcendant(whoever uses this word after me should kill themself) boss of bosses. Yep, it’s all about the White House. For DP Dot Com’s first installation of the run up until Election 2008 we thought we’d highlight the superstars that have thrown their hats into the ring for office of president of the United States.

This trifecta features the former New York City mayor who is making a last gasp, last grasp at a return to political glory. The lustre on his forehead post-911 is starting to fade and tarnish. Presidential campaigns are nasty affairs so I hope that his son’s public drooling problem has been rectified. There’s also the foxy former first lady who brought sexy back to pantsuits like she was the blonde STEPHANIE ZIMBALIST. Nevermind the fact that she is a reverse carpetbagger from Arkansas, this lady is never hustling backwards. She’s learned the game from one of the slickest Willys to ever throw the dice. Lastly, is the campaign’s true dark horse, although some will say that he still isn’t dark enough. How does a junior Senator leapfrog over a dozen or more well known names. He learns to present himself as “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.

Fuck all the rhetorical bullshit. I’m a simple American with simple values like life, liberty and internets neutrality. It shouldn’t be too dificult for any of the three scallywag oppurtunists pictured above to be better administrators than the man in office now. Unfortunately, President BUSH has set the bar that low. But I still need to make sure that I am making an informed and responsible choice when I step inside the voting booth. It’s times like these that I really miss not having one of my best resources available for consultation.

OL’ DIRTY BASTARD – R.I.P. RUSSELL JONES

What would Dirt McGirt do in this situation? Lucky for me I have a handy online Wu Tang name generator. The candidate with the most hardbody Wu Tang name is the one that I will cast my vote with. Let’s look at the results…

  • RUDOLPH GIULIANI = Amateur Artist
  • HILLARY CLINTON = Mighty Menace***
  • BARACK OBAMA = Annoyin’ Swami
  • So without any catastrophic changes to her campaign strategy(read: skirts) HILLARY CLINTON will have garnered the votes of the mostly Black Republican staff here at DALLAS PENN DOT COM. Just as well anyhoo for GUILIANI and OBAMA since there hasn’t been a president elected with a vowel sound ending their last name. You could include McKINLEY and KENNEDY if you want, but they both got clapped on, and I’m not talking about applause.

    Back In The Day, When I Used To Beat My Tiger…

    Monday, February 19th, 2007

    tigetbeat

    After reposting that Valentine’s Day love letter to my O.G. beatbox wifey status VANESSA WILLIAMS I began to reminisce on all the chicks that I wanted to hit before I even knew what hitting chicks was about. All I knew was that these chicks made my lil’ man feel tingly inside so I would have to rub it out.

    Who remembers Tiger Beat magazine? That joint was the precursor to Right On! and Black Beat magazines. They would have all the exclusive pictures of the teen stars on the come up along with gossipy stories about first kisses and secret crushes. That was then, this is now. A teen magazine nowadays had better have advertisements for contraceptives and alcohol if it wants to stay relevant to the kids. How sick was it that the mag to rep for the brothers was called Black Beat? Anyhoo, this drop is for all the ladies that helped me get right before I knew how to really get right.

    kristy KRISTY McNICHOL
    She was the jump off when I wasn’t buying comic books and collecting Star Wars figures. She was like the BeYONCE of the late seventies. There wasn’t a teen magazine that didn’t have her on the front cover. Further proof that she was the bomb is the fact that her birthday is September 11th.

    erin gray ERIN GRAY
    ERIN GRAY was the hot chick on the new Buck Rogers television series. She always ran around the spaceship in a spandex space suit that was unzipped down to the navel. The one good thing I can say about the future is that there will still be a place for sluts.

    erin

    erin

    police woman ANGIE DICKINSON
    Holler at me if you remember that show ‘Police Woman’? My dad loved that show so if I wanted to watch television on the night it was on that is what I would be watching. ANGIE was a hardbody bitch on that show too. Homegirl had been a playboy model and rumor has it that she balled out with JOHN F. KENNEDY too. ANGIE is also Libra so that increases her freakazoid factor exponentially.

    police woman

    lola LOLA FALANA
    Her name was LOLA, she was a showgirl. LOLA FALANA was a moreno Cuban seductress from Camden, New Jersey. She could act, dance and sing like no triple threat talent before her time. LOLA is another chick born on September 11th. No wonder the a-rabs used that day to wile out, they were honoring birthdays of seventies sexpots KRISTY McNICHOL and LOLA FALANA.

    lola


    **SPECIAL ROBERT SYLVESTER KELLY SECTION**

    SOLEIL PUNKY BREWSTER
    Just to be clear with you chumps, I never sweated PUNKY when she was little, but I knew when she got older that I would want to smash. You ever see those ‘Got Milk’ ads? PUNKY had such big milk cans that she had to have a reduction. Check the pic of this crazy Hawaiian dude with his hand on PUNKY’s goodies. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

    punky

    punky

    SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

    Sunday, February 18th, 2007

    The NIKE Design Studio is firing up a new Air Force 1 program in honor of the NBA’s 2007 All-Star Game. I visited the studio last weekend and I took a peek at some of the exclusive materials that were being offered.

    big homey

    big homey

    The design studio does it bigger than everyone else by installing a sneaker alter right inside their building’s facade. All the new styles being offered are put on display so you can get a feel for the look of the shoe you might end up designing. The centerpiece of the new program is the Air Force 25. NIKE has taken their most ubiquitous shoe and redesigned it after 25 years of use by professional basketball players. There’s been a Juelz Santana/Just Blaze collabo that you must have seen already and there was a big superstar party (that amazingly, I wasn’t invited to) for the shoe’s launch.

    After all the hype and hoopla this is the shoe that the NIKE designers are hoping will replace the original and well liked Air Force 1.

    AF 25

    AF 25

    AF 25

    The shoe has an interesting profile and NIKE is offering over two dozen exclusive premium leathers to cover the upper. This shoe is stylin’ on fools when you are ballin’ and with a price point of $225 dollars per pair you had better be a pro baller to afford these. It’s times like this that I wish I had a sneaker contract.

    The design studio was immaculate as always and as soon as I had a chance I snapped a few pics of the jewels that are available to only those people that have NIKE MVP status… Air Force 1’s in some of the slickest, sickest premium leather available. If you collect Air Force 1’s then I would suggest that you register with the Nike Deign Studio through NIKE I.D. dot com as soon as you finish this post. Register for a chance to buy these collectable sneakers. I don’t have any Air Force 1’s in my collection, but these shoes made me think twice.

    big homey

    big homey

    AF 1

    AF 1

    The Air Force 1 is a dope shoe but I have already cast my lot with the NIKE Dunk. There is no other shoe I would pick up within a heartbeat’s notice that has the Dunk’s style and comfort. Good thing for me that Dunks are also part of the new program and they are offering some of the craziest colors to ever be put on a sneaker. Don’t be surprised when I spaz out and show you some straight up Crayola Dunks that I designed.

    dunks