Aqua Teen Hunger Force is still one of the lynchpins in the Adult Swim programming bloc. It’s good clean retarded fun. Even when it isn’t good and clean its always retarded. And for me, that’s what matters most.
Just don’t fux with Carl’s football picks.
I haven’t done a BeYonce Factor in a very long time. Mainly because no one can compete with her. She is like the Godzilla of pop music starlets. Who from her era hasn’t she crushed? Ashanti? Dead to me. Amerie, Ciara, Keisha Cole are all fractions of BeYonce. Even Christina Aguilera and Brittney Spears are washed up next to BeYonce. Who wuld dare try to rise up and challenge the current queen of R & Backside? It looks like we found a contestant in the homewrecking chanteuse ALICIA KEYS.
The internets have been buzzing with the story that ALICIA KEYS is dating Swizz Beats who is suppose dto be married or some shit. Waitaminnit? ALICIA KEYS dates guys? Swizz Beats dates women? I guess mutual beardism is the new beardism. *shrugs shoulders* ALICIA is also co-starring alongside Jay-Z in the music video anthem for New York City ‘Empire State of Mind’.
You folks remember how the BeYONCE Factor works don’t you? It’s really simple and here’s a quick rewind of the format for all of you folks scoring from home or the office…
Jig, spic and priveleged celebs will be rated on a scale for how close their game comes to that of the pinnacle of all jiggaboo goddesses – BeYONCE. In parentheses are the factors that give each candidate a high or low score depending on how we at the website rate them. If a subject does exceptionally well with a factor then they will receive the full allotment of points (100).
1) Can you say her name – (the more‘Black’ sounding the name of the candidate, the higher the number of points)
2) Can she pay her bills – (cash rules everything around us – does the candidate have any?)
3) Is she a survivor – (has the candidate had to endure scandal/controversy?)
4) Baby boy – (has the candidate ever had an abortion?)
5) Cater to you – (would you want a backrub from the candidate?)
6) Dangerously in love – (is the candidate in a relationship that can’t last?)
7) Bootylicious – (this should speak for itself)
Okay, so the criteria is established. Let’s see how ALICIA KEYS stacks up…
1) Can you say her name – Alicia is hardly as ghetto fab as BeYonce – 50pts
2) Can she pay her bills – Alicia holds down a gang of Grammy awards – 100pts
3) Is she a survivor – Alicia hasn’t had to fight through bad press from former bandmates – 0pts
4) Baby boy – No pregnancy rumors. Evar – 0pts
5) Cater to you – Alicia is fine as wine – 100pts
6) Dangerously in love – Alicia is rumored to have broken up Swizz Beats marriage – 100pts
7) Bootylicious – I’ll let the pic below answer that – 100pts
ALICIA KEYS only comes up with a total of 550 BeYonce Factor points when we include the 100pts she gets for being a superior actress to BeYonce, and even then that isn’t enough for her to topple Bey from her perch on the top.
Read this and weep ALICIA KEYS stans. BeYonce is still the boss of this shit.
Gosh darn it, white folks really do like me.
So what’s your problem?
The death of the dynasty begins to leak onto the web.
Truthfully…
Yawwwwn.
But if you were a fan of the Roc-A-Fella movement then you will want to hear some of these soap opera details. ‘Days Of Our Lives’ comes to rap music.
Beanie Sigel – What You Talkin Bout
Beanie Sigel calls in to radio show
via Gooch @PaulCantor
Sneaker Fiends Unite! NYC Tour – 10.31.09.
Yes, yes, y’all.
It’s on for tomorrow.
Encyclopedia Black suggested it.
Willis Still Sunsweet co-signed it.
30% off sale @ Goliath in East Harlem is a definite stop. A swing into Brooklyn possibly. A jump into the Bronx maybe. Have your unlimited MetroCard handy because we are going in.
SFU-NYC tour kickoff point
Grand Central ticket concourse info booth
12:00 noon