Archive for the ‘The Guest Room’ Category

Meka Soul’s Simple Mathematics…

Friday, February 1st, 2008

o hearts math

Editor’s note: Sneaker Fiends United west coast bureau chief MEKA SOUL drops some science.

Special note: This post is inspired by the inventor of the original Ghetto Celeb Mathematics, Dallas Penn.

Being sick sucks.

In my wonderfully woeful world I spend a lot of time by myself, so when I am under the weather I’m pretty much fending for dolo. While spending a good 14 hours a day in bed and slowly rotting out my brain to random Xbox gaming sometimes helps, for the most part I struggle to retain a singlet of the creativity that powers the spot.

Things could be worse, I guess. I could be any one of these “rappers” facing anything from attempted murder charges, drug possession, or just being flat-out banned in certain cities. Rather than trying to decipher what goes on through these scuttle heads’ brains, I’ve tried to come up with a scientific solution, and thanks to the help of the acclaimed Dr. Penn, I’ve managed to break it down to a rapper’s genetic composition.

As humans we are all mixed in with everything from love to hate to rage to chicken, but it is usually two or three predominant combinations that compel us to do the things we do. After a little bit of researching, I’ve discovered the features that directly influence the trouble-making characteristics in four of your favorite rappers.

So without further adieu, I’d like to present visual evidence of these characteristics…

o hearts math

The drugged-out mischief of Curious George combined with the hyperactivity of Red Fraggle produces the sizzurp-induced semantics of Dwayne Carter. It’s quite easy to see that if Birdman – his Man In The Yellow Hat, if you will – had provided proper parenting outside of internal hugs, there might have been a chance that Mr. Carter would not have grown up to become the drug addled rapper he is today. Let’s continue…

o hearts math

The gun toting, idiotic tendencies of Elmer Fudd divided by the hot headed demeanor of Montana Max equals T.I. (or T.I.P. Or whatever he’s calling himself nowadays). You can’t entirely blame Clifford for wanting to buy super blammers. Just blame his genetics.

o hearts math

The money-hungry tactics of a tall Israeli multiplied with the smoothly addictive style of Joe Camel cigarettes produces Jay-Z. It’s no wonder why we keep buying his albums even though we know they’re crap.

o hearts math

The feline features of The Cowardly Lion over the sum of the natural beauty of the Grand Canyon yields the plastic surgery-mangled Lil Kim. This may be somewhat inaccurate, however, as the Grand Canyon is not entirely smoothed out.

OH WORD Presents HOT JETHRO MESS…

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

h j m

One of the reasons that I appreciate OhWord dot com is because of their tireless effort to identify trends on these internets. We all know what a Hot Ghetto Mess means to the people that live within the urban boundaries, but what about the folks that live in the trailer parks and the Ozarks? What would you call their need for individualistic self-expression that somehow misses the mark of sensibility. The good people from the R & D department at OhWord call this…

JETHRO FABULOUS

Let’s take a look at some photo samples of Jethro Fabulousness from a recent Kid Rock concert in the Appalachian region of Ohio.

h j m

Families that smoke crystal meth together stay together.

h j m

Sure, this dude is gangsta with his tiparillo, but peep grandma in the background.

h j m

Mom disappeared for a half an hour, but then she returned with sweatshirts. Thanks Uncle Roadie.

h j m

Don’t worry little Jenna, as soon as you turn 18 mom will chip in and help you buy your new boobs.

h j m

Yes, that is a du-rag, and yes, he is trying to get waves.

h j m

Stop being racist internets, even Black folks can get Jethro Fabulous.

Pick out your own favorite Hot Jethro Mess from the Kid Rock concert slideshow pics.

Can’t Vote Me Nothing by MAXINE

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

ye tudda

Editor’s note: MAXINE explains that we shouldn’t hate the delegates, we should hate the game.

February 5, 2008 will be the largest primary election day in history. More people will vote, caucus and talk political rhetoric bullshit on this day than in any other day in the history of this Republic, I mean, the history of this Democracy. 52 percent of Democratic delegates are at stake, with 41 percent on the Republican side. 24 states will participate in “Super Tuesday” and will likely tell the story and set the tone of following state primaries.

Purple states, meaning those states that hold primaries for both parties, make up the majority of those participating and also hold the most delegates. See, delegates are what really matter, a candidate can win caucuses and primaries all day but if those states don’t have any delegates, it doesn’t matter. Delegates go to the Convention, and delegates cast the
votes the votes get the nominations.

Florida, along with Michigan was recently stripped of its Democratic delegates by the DNC because of disagreements over the date of the state primary, thus making any Democratic wins in each state in name only.

Super Tuesday can make or break the ass of any candidate in either party, some of history’s most popular candidates owe the watersheds of success to the first Tuesday in the earliest month of the election year. Bill Clinton got his Phoenix [No Roc-a-fella Records] on in 1992 when he rose from the ash to claim several key southern primary states, and their delegates. Clinton later of course, went on to win the Democratic nomination and later the presidency. Bob Dole experienced this same swell of support in his Republican bid in 1996.

With all the hoopla surrounding the 2008 primaries, let’s focus on the numbers but also the states and the amount of weight each carries. For example Georgia has approximately 102 delegates, New York has 232 democratic delegates, Illinois has 135 and California has a whopping 370 delegates. Now obviously all 370 delegates in Cali don’t count, matter, or even exist but the point is to make people believe their significance with out any evidence, nothing new. While GA, has the least delegates of the states listed, it still carries considerable weight in the bigger picture.

Corporations, businesses, drug operations, and even the rap world are all representations of this delegation system created by the United States. At the end of the day it’s a caste system based on street credibility.

Make sense?

We clarify by asking the question of quantity or quality? Sure, New York has 232 delegates up for grabs, but how far does that number stretch? For example, how many NY rappers can you think of that have collaborated with rappers from Georgia? Go!

  • 1. Welcome to Atlanta-remix (Puffy and Jermaine Dupri)
  • 2. Money ain’t a thang-(Jermaine Dupri and Jay-Z)
  • 3. Walk it out remix-Jim Jones and what’s his name?
  • I could think of more but those were the first three that popped in my head, and as often when asked to make a list, I think from best to worst.

    One more?

    Illinois is carrying heavy weight, based on the history of political strife (I mentioned JFK in an earlier drop) and the level of creativity to come out of the Chi alone. Go!

  • 1. Kanye
  • 2. Common
  • 3. R.Kelly
  • 4. Lupe Fiasco
  • Are you getting the point? Illinois comes out strong immediately, Jay-Z (NY connection) to Kanye, Ye’ to Common, and Lupe Fiasco, etc. Now some places get serious rotation based on one or two people alone. Example, Ohio has Lebron James (Jay-Z connect) making James what we’d call a Super Delegate, heavy in stature and name but light on previously un-needed collaborations.

    Kind of like cross multiplication, this theory can be used to figure out who is coming out the strongest amongst the Democrats on Super Tuesday. For the dems we know it’s coming down to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, turning this into Chicago vs. New York. Cross delegation homie! On the surface, NY is the clear winner, with Jay-Z being the major umbrella [ella ella] for Kanye and many others but because so many people are pissed at Jay, we can make an argument for lot of un-owned delegates who are making moves.

    Kanye West collaborated with DJ Khaled (remember, Florida has no delegates) on a song called “Grammy Family,” on that song, John Legend (Ohio) sang the hook. Also featured on that song was Consequence (New York), an honorary member of A Tribe Called Quest (New York), who you may remember had a small tift with a Chicago rapper by the name of Lupe Fiasco (Chicago) after a performance. Also performing at that event was Keyshia Cole (Cali) whose first album boasted of production by Kanye West (Chicago). Keyshia’s reality show is run by the Black Explotation Team, largely based in New York City and home of the Gawd-awful 106 & Park, formerly hosted by Free (Boston) who was rumored to be pregnant by Jay-Z (New York) who truthfully “wants to rhyme like Common Sense” (Chicago).

    It has been speculated (and confirmed by some) that at a concert at Madison Square Garden, an associate of Jay-Z pepper sprayed R.Kelly (Chicago) in the face, because of an interruption to the concert. During the interim, Usher (Atlanta) took the stage in an impromptu performance. At a recent rally in South Carolina, Usher made an appearance in support of Senator Barack Obama (Chicago), candidate for President of the United States of America.

    2/5/08= 15 1+5=6. 6 degrees of delegation, now you try.

    *Do you think about me now and then?*

    ye tudda

    Wu-Tang vs. Shaolin: The Fall Of The Abbot…

    Sunday, January 27th, 2008

    rza

    Great drop over at Scritch and Scratch about the potential for a Wu-Tang versus Shaolin album.

    AMERICAN IDLE…

    Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

    idolatry

    Editor’s note: Hip-HopDX’s Ambassador gives us her latest drop while stuck in D.C. Beltway traffic. This is way better than any cellphone novel.

    As much as I find government and political science to be quite interesting, I can’t stand taking classes on the subjects. Why, you ask? Because I don’t have it in me to keep my damn mouth shut. Nine times out of ten, I’ll leave the room all fired up and pissed at the system because some other person in the class decided to argue with me about something and get me all in a political rage. Now, for a half Palestinian girl in today’s society with three-fourths of my government name being quite tricky to pronounce, added to the fact that I live in a very politically volatile area, it’s a misconceived problem when I rant about things like that in public.

    Especially when I’m walking back to my car sporting my kaffiyeh around my neck, only to put the key into the ignition and start blasting some Immortal Technique, Non Phixion, Dead Prez, Paris, etc., with my windows down while I’m stuck in traffic. Allah forbid that I should come across an interesting looking rock on the sidewalk that I had the urge to pick up, or else I may find myself getting patted down in search of a slingshot. It seems that post 9/11 life is like American Idol for revolutionary minds…

    “Randy, yes or no, what do you think?”
    simon

    randy “Yo dawg, she dropped it like it was hot when the pressure was on, dawg. She really showed some true passion for what she does. That’s dangerous to the competition. She could take them all. I say yes. This girl could win.”

    “Now how about you Paula, yes or no?”
    simon

    paula “That’s a yes from me. So charming and charismatic. The people will love listening to her.”

    “Well, that’s two out of three. It looks like you’re on to the next round.

    Here’s your ticket to Guantanamo!”

    simon

    One of these days somebody is bound to get the wrong impression. I don’t even think I have to say what that impression might be – you’re probably already thinking it.

    ambassador “Terrorist?!”

    Ah, the power of media brainwashing. It’s ok – I’m not holding this against you. I hold this against the regional cable monopolies that control what television channels you’re able to receive. How coincidental is it that those who cannot afford to have hundreds of TV channels or a satellite dish that receives foreign programming are the ones that end up stuck with a small handful of blatantly biased television news sources? How coincidental is it that it is this same demographic that probably has the most reasons to revolt against its leaders, for it is these people that face the harshest realities of the injustices in our society on a daily basis?

    If you ask me, it’s not coincidental at all.

    This financially imposed technological disadvantage could be argued by an opposing point of view. You could say, “yo, there’s always the public library. You can hit that place up and pick up some books for free to read up on some true knowledge.” Yeah, you can. But thanks to the Patriot Act, that search for true knowledge at the library might just dig your already suspicious looking ass into an even deeper hole.

    On top of all of that, living in a constant financial struggle is not a simple state of being. Many work excessive hours at minimum wage jobs that tire them out and leave them with little free time. Sitting down to read doesn’t exactly pay the bills or put a hot meal into your kids’ stomachs. It’s like this never-ending trap that people on the lower end of the financial spectrum are seemingly stuck in. It doesn’t help that public school systems just seem to further the problem, which is even scarier seeing as how the youth (better known as our future) is in their hands. Think about how many overly privileged kids end up in those “smart” classes. Think about the types of characters that end up on school boards. Think about how much attention and praise the kids who effortlessly do well in school receive, despite the fact that they’re not the ones that truly need that treatment.

    Think about the children you see as you drive down the streets of the city, and then think of society in 50 years when it’s up to them to be running things. Those same kids that had information that will prove irrelevant to their futures shoved down their throats, in order for them to regurgitate those facts into passing scores on standardized tests so that the school doesn’t lose their federal funding due to the No Child Left Behind concept. And don’t be too sure that the No Child Left Behind program will meet its demise when Bush leaves office – the wording of the title of that program is no accident. What’s the next President going to do? Say, “OK, we can leave some children behind again”? Yeah, that sounds so “politically correct”, doesn’t it?

    Meanwhile, a ridiculous amount of money is being poured into programs like Homeland Security. Security? Oh yeah, we’re a lot more secure now. The fact that you can still run up on Capitol Hill with a samurai sword, a bow and arrow, guns, ammo, and some explosive-looking devices is proof of that. It seems as if our government doesn’t have its own finances prioritized correctly. But who am I to talk? After all, I’m just a lowly taxpayer. Far be it from me to be concerned with how the government spends my hard earned money.

    Issues such as the aforementioned ones could be listed and explained in a multi-volume book, so let’s get to the point. America achieved its sovereignty by revolution. This country’s independence was achieved by people speaking out, standing up, and fighting for what they believed in. It’s a part of our history. Fast forward a couple hundred years, and this same land is now (and has been) in need of some serious reform once again. The difference between then and now, however, is that these days there has been a sense of fear instilled by the various forms of information technology into the citizens that prevents them from speaking out against what they believe is wrong. I’m constantly shocked when people come up to me after I go off on a verbal tirade in a government class and say “Thank you. You said what I always think but can never bring myself to say.”

    Despite what you may have been lead to believe about the definition of what constitutes a possession of “patriotism” is these days, it is not illegal to speak what’s on your mind. It is not illegal to seek truth and understanding. It is not illegal to demand change. Nor are any of the aforementioned actions “unpatriotic”. Quite the contrary. Demanding a stop to injustice, an improved life, and therefore a better country, is to me the highest form of patriotism. Caring enough about the place you live in to put effort into making it safe and just for you, your family, and those that will come after you is nothing but noble. Unite with those around you who share your same ideals for positive change. With unity comes strength, and with that unified strength can come powerful amounts of positive reform. You are doing nothing wrong by speaking out. However be aware that the goals you may possess for the future will require more than speaking. So for those that are able, take part in your communities. Reach out to the youth. Anything. It’s time to stop letting fear control you.